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but i know
that
from the start
i was the one
who
cheated myself
not you

you never
loved me
you never
cheated m
you never loved me
i lied to my heart
that you
secretly loved me
and my heart believed it
all these days
and now
i'm ashamed
of myself
in front of
my heart
was it a lie??
I loved your blue eyes that reminded me of the ocean
I loved the way you made me laugh
like no one else could
I loved how no matter where I was
I could think that you were somewhere else missing me
I loved how I used to call your arms home
they made me feel safe
I loved how you had my heart
I loved the feeling of being in love and
feeling love back
now
I'm hating how your blue eyes remind me of the ocean
I don't dare to go there anymore
I don't want to remember you
I hate how you made me laugh because
now no one else can make me laugh as you once did
I hate the fact that I'm sitting here
missing you when you're missing her
I hate how you have my heart
no matter how hard I try to give it to someone else
it always reminds me that it's yours
but most of all
I hate how I still love you
and how you don't even remember
half of the things that I won't forget
to you, the one who taught me how easy it was to fall in love and how hard is to get back up
  Jan 2015 Dragoste Motionless
Rebecca
Soon the year will be up
and soon you will forget about me
you were so essential in my life
why couldn't you see?

And soon you will be gone
and I will forget the color of your eyes,
the sweet smell of your cologne,
and your cute morning sighs

And soon you'll just be a memory
of our one-sided love affair
please know I loved you,
stay beautiful and take care.
  Jan 2015 Dragoste Motionless
Rebecca
You know how I knew I loved you?
I knew because when I looked at you everything seemed right in the world
Everything seemed right if the two of us were together
When I looked at you I could see us dating
and going out to the movies and out for food
I could hear the compliments over how cute we were together
and how much they shipped us...
and I could also see us having a future together
I looked at you and I could see us living in a cozy apartment with a cat
I felt the happiness that being with you brought
I could see us being crazy and doing cute couple things
I even saw the fights we would've gotten into over dumb stuff
and getting through them
I could see us getting married
with a small wedding with all our friends and family
I swear to god I heard our children running and laughing around in the front yard
I saw us together as a happy family
I could feel the joy you made me feel then intensified by a thousand
I could see us always being there for each other and supporting one another
and I saw us growing old together
and traveling the world.
When I looked at you, I could see all the things that would never happen.
I yearned for a future that would never be and craved the idea of having you as my own.
All the things I saw were just daydreams from lonely nights
and rainy afternoons when I had to cuddle with myself because you were never there.
I loved you with all my heart and just hoped
that somehow,
some way my dreams would come true.
this was actually really hard to write
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