To Mia

You see I know this girl  , I’ve known her for  as long  I can remember . Sometimes though for some reason ,Unknown to me, she makes appearance. For a while after she’s on my mind , constantly on my mind . It’s like she’s worked her way into every nerve every cell she’s there . I have to please her I’ve got to keep her happy. My mind is a  machine , a machine with cogs and the cogs keep turning but when she’s around they’re on overdrive constantly worrying to point where I worry so much it makes me ill .

You see I know this girl , a girl called Mia.

I direct this at you.
The one that clings to my sides,
hangs off my clothes :Weighing me down
Like a tonne of sugar  in my gut
Down .
Down .
I can’t stomach it any longer !  
You stick to every ounce of my being, Creating a blinding hatred Spiralling
Down .
Down .
Down .
my appearance to the public eye now untrue to my reflection,  I wont be added to your collection but the obsession to meet your expectations
is impulsive .
Addictive
destructive

empty swallows, hollow sorrows .
I crave it .
I need it .
you’ve infected every nerve .
I’m weak .
“hide yourself” , no one can see .
don’t  stop yet
please stop
I can’t stop
nonstop
drop .

I’m frail , one more blow from you
And I’ll crumble .
Nothing but a bag of bones covered in an
Off white security blanket .
You have thinned my hair ,
Made my nails brittle ,
And my throat swell .
But still you’re attention
Is what I crave the most
I starve to please .
To please you .
I’m starving .

Sleepless in foetal slumber
Eyes closed yet wide and irredescent to your indescrections
The dark lays like a veil underneath your rough hands
As they inappropriately trace my delicate infants body
I do not move
I cannot out of fear of what you’d do if I dared to
but I should think myself lucky really
you spared me from the full extent of what your evil could have done
but still I can still feel the weight of your hands like a tonne of bricks pushing down on me
now ,can’t let anyone too close .
what you did comes like back in
blows to my psyche

you’re a burden
a definitive issue
we continue with you’re
version of pleasantries
like kiddies in an ongoing game of tag
but this act is beginning to drag
it’s time to raise the flag
pack you’re  bags ****
it’s time to track
you’re destinies not bound here
no cause we’re you’re enemies
you’re the recipe for a chore
so there’s the door

I can’t lie those thoughts t go through my head
the thoughts that you try to fight
hide , push to the side
but I’ve tried
they never subside
I’ve tried to confide in those closest to me
they just say the same strain .
my brain is a sink that never drains
just  keeps overflowing
until the water is no longer clear
but tainted Scarlet
dripping on to my feet