Insanity
is not  a disease
it's the infinite expanse
of possibilities

An old fire
Reduced to embers
Dark clouds
And a storm ahead

She came back to me
Arms filled with wood
A heart filled with love
A head aching with guilt

I have this fire to rebuild
And this storm to weather
But I can do it now
Because we're together

It seems I only bleed when people test me
Test my abilities
My loyalty
My heart and nerve
Carve lines making up words that fade into a blur
He looks at me with no love so I do the same towards myself
I used to put so much energy into trying to be someone else
He walks away like he has nothing to lose
I choose a knife because it feels better than his abuse
Agree to disagree that's all we ever do

They talk about her like she was never real
They talk about me like I don't know how it feels
If she was still around I could be content with myself
The way her parents talk it's like I ruined her health
So I engrave our years together
My arms tell stories
The scars show fears
I only blame myself because I was all she had
Decided to put myself first at the time didn't sound so bad
So when they mention her I feel lost and confused
The only way to cope is to pick pain over you
I feel enough for the both of us
All the regret is clear so I don't open up
I know if you were here you would want me to stop
But you're not
And that's on me
So I'll drink away and let myself bleed

We all have things that weigh on our hearts
We all have demons who come alive in the dark
And when I'm triggered I don't see red, I see stars
Block out the noise and forget who people are
I lose myself for the sake of coping
I'll smile and act like I'm joking
Everything is too real for me
My triggers are as real as the air I breathe
They are alive
They will be the death of me

What a little ******* loneliness is.
It slithers thru the crowd in the dark,
looking for you,
sniffing you out of your happy,
caressing and enticing with its discontent.
Until it finds you.
Sadness and hate in its tow.
Wretches your stomach,
like that of a vomiting dog,
It threatens with falling tears
fat platform divers,
into cups,
of tea.
Sometimes.

so we wait now
resting our shoulders on hotel pillowcases
water dripping slowly from a shower head
you read a book about echoed mountains
and I wait because I love you.
I keep coming back to a moment
something about you in tears
crying over a fight with Dad
and I keep picturing you like that.
You're quiet now
waiting to be lost again
waiting to be in a moment without us
there is a pain you have
that no one can compete with.
And I remember now
why I saw you in tears
I can't be enough
and I'm sorry.

Waiting for her to appear
Some say you make your own time
Others, tk abt good things, comin, n waiting
But what about great
How does that fit into fate?
I wonder if looking makes
it dissappear, it
Being the object of one's desire