on the slightest breath
the hot moisture begs
and you are taking me to the brink
and back
pin my butterfly
in the sweet drifting light that bathes
skin creamy delicate and barren
who ever turned this into something baleful?
in all your actions of benevolence  
this one shall not be benign
curtains will billow
and the violin will blare
with sounds luscious and blithe
the pinning of my beauty
the keepsake of my butterfly

Oh keep telling yourself
the cup is half full
keep pretending
pretending you're no
small minded fool
smile and smile away
smile until your smile fades...

Down by the ocean
there's a red brick tower and it sits
in the misty fog morning
isolated
and that's where I live
shining from the top
trying to guide you back home
just come back home
don't you know I'm so alone?
And I guess I should have known
from these games we play
Nothing would have lasted anyways
You never were the best sailor
Your ship is sinking, crashing into my shore
Can't you see I can't take this anymore?
Playing Battleship
I miss you score
Down by the ocean
the blue waves sing me a song
It plays and plays all night long
and I ask myself which one of us is wrong?
Take this pill the siren chants
and you won't care anymore
Living in an illusion
paralyzed by the truth
Nothing matters anyways
not the ocean
not the ship
not the tower
not me
not you

She's in her Kansas bed filled with
Straw of yellow gold
Staring at the empty ceiling
She wishes she was home
Shoes of ruby click three times

She is already there the

Sickness remains

Hornets and wasps
fly as fairies
in a springtime
green sunlit bloom
They dance around various bright warm colored poppies
like spaceships inspecting stars in the vast dark sky
and at 3p.m.
you may believe
magic is real

as ignorance is truly bliss

The violin played
as I remember,
A past life.
Under a full man in a moon
with
the slight sent of roses in the air.
Pink roses.
baby pink melodies
pink blushing of my cheek
where a gaze meant more
where gossamery touches was the world.
Your hand.
Mine.

She licked her cigarettes
with lips rubbed red from
too much loving
charcoal eyes were lit on fire
and the ashes fell back to the ground
mixed in the offspring of
erosion
lost in the ****
A soul turned to nothing
but she became

*free.

The human race is amateur
No one reaches godliness or
Perfection
There is only a soul searching
For answers in an answerless world

empty glass vases

Their only purpose is to be filled with floral waters
But there are chips and cracks in them all
And even the most fathomless bouquet arrangements
Carnations, daffodils, baby's breath, poppies, sunflowers,
roses


All die.

You can be there
and still be here,
but you can't be here
and still be there.

So meet me half-way
and together we'll stay
on a soft heart melody
melting.
peculating down into the porous
Earth.

Will I always want to die early?

A head on collision
Fractured skull with my brain seeping out like oil -black gold
A robber with a gun
Carpet stains forever -the realtor will claim it's wine
A tumor
Cells they're multiplying -a death by creation
Spontaneous combustion
The stench of my body's blackened burning flesh -actually smells pretty tasty
Drowning
Gasping my life's last breath as I scream muted screams and water poetically fills my lungs - shimmering bubbles float to the top

My mother sobbing and cutting herself for months
My father goes insane and shoots himself in the head in my room
My sister cries herself to sleep and wishes she would have seen me more
My best friend doesn't talk for years
My boyfriend throws up at the thought of my death everyday while his parents claim god will make everything okay

Or they'll all write best selling novels on how they survived my awful tragic death

And no one will ever read my poetry


Will I always want to die early?

We're both just
*******
in Black syrup tar pits of
Sorrow

Still the devil's firey ****
Feels good inside
It burns like karosine
Smoke sets off to the skies

We're both just
Creatures stuck
in broken blue
seashells that lie in complete darkness at the bottom of the ocean

Still the siren's wet ****
Feels good inside
It drenches flames
Smoke sets off to the skies

Affection and affliction
Is the only chance
We have at

Freedom

"You can't write like me!"

I said.
(To justify insanity)

However,
You replied

"Poetry is dead."

To calm a beast
To wash the dirt out of southwest
To soothe the raging storm
To move bones and black poison
To quiet a locomotive mind
To be the sunshine in California
On your winters day
I promise I will

The nubilous white smoke
fills my eyes
then i melt
into oblivion
stars collide with glistening shades of yellow,blue,and
grey
i was whisked away into the ocean

deep...deep navy
full of mystery and
pain

waves crash over my head
I'm sinking
down
down
down
The moonlight cascades through the water
bubbles emanate from my mouth

...

then
no longer
the sea has betrayed me
i cannot bare this weight upon my chest
gasp.
gasp for air.

Pink downy flakes on a baked orange florescent
Drifting calmly into the night
The day has ended
Smooth and lazy
Like a tabby on a sultry summer afternoon
And it feels like tenderness or nostalgia
Or a dream
the tranquility of a light breeze
trees of deep mantis green and birds of all kinds
Sing a lullaby
As crickets come out for the finally
The world floats into sleep

She's a musician
So you say "we're meant to be"

Too bad you never believed in me enough that I could sing.

I remained a partial muse
I filled your life with denial and regret and sorrow

As you filled mine with pain and torture and agony

Addicted to your small pay

It wasn't enough
And I kept coming back for more

You'd only give enough for me to stay

While I gave you everything.

And your girl she won't believe me
For all the things you say
Like I'm delusional and crazy
Invalidating every single feeling I've ever had
You'll both forget about me and be happy and in love

Whilst I rot away.

A hollow log was once a tree
Tall and beautiful
Fruits and flowers in spring
Deep luscious vermilion in summer
Red and brown and yellow golden sunlight fall
Sparkling pure clean snow in winter
Whether it was just natural to die
Or some coincidence
I do not know
But the tree had fallen
No longer
flower or vermilion or sunlight or pure
Only empty
Nihilist
Decomposition
Moisture creates fungi and bacteria within
bugs and maggots and worms
They feed
On the corpse of loveliness
Until the nothingness is nothing

God is dead
as are all the minions
scouring away at every single
dollar
every single catch
not a church
will sing
redemption will not ring
and there will not be a refresh button
on this page
only critiques on how this poem ought to
be

They live there

In a pit
In the middle of my bed

Underneath the comforter and fitted sheets
And white flowers in baby blue
In between the springs and the stuffing

Sometimes they go as deep as the bed frame too

A hole deep down into the floor
Where the carpet just splits in two
Where it is cold and wet
But mold still grows
And I still think about you

They live there

They pull me back in everytime
It's not something very new to me
Because they've been feeding off me my whole life

They drink my blood like leeches
Even when I'm pale and drained
I'm so used to this I'm just speechless

But don't ask me to get up
Never ask me to get up
Because I'm still stuck in bed
from all this

Pain

He's a sigh the wind carried away

Faint and distant
Like letting three words
linger too long on a quiet breath

Barely there

No one hears and they disappear

you know they were real...

...Warm and solid
Heated by the spit under your tongue.

Quick and sudden
He melts on my tongue

In a short subtle embrace
relief comes in the strangest wave

And I sigh

There is only flesh
and no fantasy
There is only leather
and no lace
There are only clouds
and no clear
There is only ****
and no fear

She hears whispers down the corridor
and laughter down the halls
She hears her heart breaking
because you never called

Another one night stand
Another drink
Another man

all for this crazy little thing called love

She dreams of genies in bottles
Her blood runs thin

Hopeless
Lost
and loveless

And there comes a time
when we all ask ourselves
why.

Oh the purest cleanest coldest
Water you could ever drink
Holy and infinite
Melting from Himalaya glaciers
Bathe in it
drown in it
Scrub your body clean
Scrub hard until all that is left
Is smile and shine
Scrub smile shine

The trees will take away your demons
The birds they will sing of you
And everything you accomplished
Have no worries because you all will be successful

From the worms fertilizing moist dark soil
To the tree that grows tall and sturdy from a small seedling within
To the birds that make their nest in the tree and from love hatches an egg

You are all meant to be

And your father still reminds me
Of my own
I ask you to analyze my dreams
I am either anxious about everything
Or being reborn
(But maybe those two things are the same)
You sat there in the cool morning gray sky for 1440 days
So high above everyone
Even higher than yourself
Wanting to be on the ground
With everyone else
Men are dreadful
Women are dreadful

*And all I ever wanted to be was
With you

blood speckles my hands
like the poppy seeds on your morning bagel
shaking at a crime scene bedecked with plastic yellow tape
but only noticing my hands
dried crimson
and how the light flakes of my silk flesh delicately rise to
the surface like oil in a vast cerulean ocean
no spirit can drown the sorrows of my sins

still
you come at me with your pepper sunlight
you and your dandelion ways
a comedic smile
strawberry jam heart preserves

a hand holds many things
except a fighting chance


and
some way
some day      
some how



I'll be average at best

Is like seeing color for the first time in a grey world
It's like fueling the hot ember city that turns the log towards entropy
The pleasant and gentle disarray that all matter longs to be
It's like hearing the grandiose ocean waves, a whole biosphere, packed inside the small space of a seashell
It's like thick warm milk
It's like soft rich green grass
that was made for picnics in the hot sun
It's like rain on a july summer night the kind of rain you can lay in and never feel cold
It's the purr of a cat
And the way silver necklace chains feel as the cold metal sinks into your skin
It's the smell of wisdom in old books and home in fresh baked bread
It's the safety and protection of a hand hold
It's an indescribable pureness


It's Bliss

A little girl
Has lost her words
Or rather the will
There is no hope
So take it down
Swallow it whole
Dry horse crumbles
white blank pill

Time to move on
Little girl stuck in the sticky black tar
Soon you'll be bones
And then they will use you
For petroleum and gasoline
Set your tresses on fire

There's no desire
No she does not want to go
She wants a new life
Polluting the world
And helping you get around

Whoever she loves
Please
Help her out and
Never set her down

Pouring cream into coffee
Pacific white swirls melt into
Placid steady dark brown
Pivotally changing to something new
Placed to balance
Polarization conjoined bitterness to sweetness and cold to hot
Propagated our warm delight
Portions now inseparable; never going back
Picture
Perfect

And the way to get through life
Is to tell them all what they want to hear*

The sweet **** spews out
With rotting apple cores and snow pink freezerburned meats

Starving pigs eat it just the same

Like robots and drones they are drowning themselves

In ****

Mouthful after mouthful they swallow

And after their fat bellys over fill until they explode from gluttony

I will be rich

We all just want to know
when blood goes stale
and skin grows pale
where do we go?
Why do we cry at another loss of another life
when they are in a "better place"?
I just want to sink away into a oblivion of time and space
to deal with emotions no more
to deal with death no more
to deal with stress no more
to melt in two
I just wanna leap down the rabbit hole
Go away to a magical place
where sunlight sparkles with glamor
and white petaled flowers grow
Where there are no worries
only bliss
simple..bliss
and the place I call home

I used to be gorgeous at one time
With long flowing dark deep hair
And skin and eyes to match
Then one day
My skin grew pale
My eyes stale
And my smile corroded away

Maggots in my sockets and
Bugs squirming through my thoughts

All beauty gets wasted

And I was intoxicated too

I will runaway,
my love
until black falls like a shadow on the hills of dismay
and only in my mind shall your fingers caress the valleys of a soul
that is inevitably entwined in the majesty of your existence
I will run.
I will run and run from the haunting breath that is coming in warm and horse on the back of my neck.
I cannot stand this unbearable vulnerability.
I cannot stand the way your eyes are frigid yet so comforting as you control me with a mystic unknown .
you make me do everything you wish
such a deviant mind control trick.

You're not a real boy you're just an idea
This is all in my head
(And in my head I'm still crazy about you
And you're still crazy)
In real life I am

The mad one. The sad one. The bad one.

The fly buzzing in your ear
The pebble in your shoe
A grain of salt
Red meat still with the skin
A flickering light bulb just about to
go out

Matter taking up too much space
Matter that doesn't matter

And sin
And *nothing

I want to write something with
Importance
Something with weight
Something people love
Something people hate
To make my life worth more
When I'm sitting outside the big red door
Wishing life hadn't gone by too fast
I want my soul to remain
After my body has passed
To make other people feel
Is how I make myself real
I need this more than you do
My only friend
There is nothing of true
Importance
In the end

1.
I need a spark
To start a fire
One last fight
For one last poem
My muse
Will no longer
Be of flesh and blood

2.
And then God said so it shall be
The sky
The earth
The trees
The water
Fire

3.
Only nature
Can give me meaning
When I am alone

Words are power
And my power

*Is limitless

Running and writing in
place
Trying to find an ounce of grace
Searching in the mirror for my
lost face
Since there is no meaning for I to brace
I'm just floating weightless in the cyber
abyss of space
I'm thinking I need to win this race
So help me fill my strawberry red heart with
black lace
because one day I'll be gone without a trace
and I can't seem to slow the
pace

Our bodies collide like constellations
a milky taste and a muddy sensation
Breathing and beating,
we move like oceans
into an eternity of something with meaning
; life that exists beyond the natural world.

oh onerous one,
I'll love till my last
Breath, a breaking bluster,
That will corrode my insides.
I shall not worry,
About these organs.

All that remains is an empty
ship, sailing seven seas.

An unconditional love with the deep blue,

To forget about my love for
Thee.

In a golden haze
I spell out your name
with my fingertips
across his hand
It's too bad that no man could ever understand
           We are Together always
When night falls and the sky is a pitch blanket
with small sparkling holes
sending us their light back from the dead
Galaxies from far far and beyond
The moon hangs in all its glory from an
invisible string
like the one that connects us
An invisible unbreakable twine
That has stretched through space
and time
Until the moon falls down
Until the moon falls down...

I'm good at making lines
and never ending them
Forever swinging on
life's daft pendulum
Even in the ice and snow
A girl like me is never cold
Even when there's nothing left to give
And nothing left to show
No pen to write with
and I'm all alone  

I'm good at making lines and never ending them.

Inspiration has left me
begging for some pain.
I just don't care anymore,
waiting day by day.
The sun breaks through the clouds.
Faces are so pristine.
you won't read this anyway,
no one will,
because happy moments
never ever create anything as beautiful as
a feeling of melancholy gray.

Your body was smooth like soft served vanilla
And
My mother's boyfriend always snuck into my little sister's room late at night

So I snuck into yours

You were sound asleep with the covers over your head
I tried to awake you
But you were already dead

I knew you were not right in the head
But I went and did what I did anyways
Like all young boys do

I brought you back to life
Just to tear your heart out again

I didn't mean to hurt you so badly till this day
I just wanted something I could control

Forever you remain a slave

One plus one doesn't always equal two
Because he calls me when he's been drinking
Even if he's with you
He tells me my flower is beautiful rare and exotic
And that my insanity is too
Oh how he'd love to love me
Because we are stuck in the quick sand
Flies in the honey
And maybe it's just too easy
And just too hard
Not to stop
The more you fight it the deeper you sink
The more you fight
The deeper you sink
I'm going to die
Here
Stuck on one plus one

The birds start to sing
The sun starts to rise
Everything starts to feel hollow

I wait for my candy house to melt
The ceiling drips and
The walls are getting thinner
I can taste them on my lips

I bathe in remembrance

Then the sugar starts to boil
B u r n i n g
It hardens on my skin

You'd love to love

Her
The invisible girl
With magnetic dreams
She's waiting
Smiling and spinning
Dancing and dazzling
Glittering and glistening
For
You

She's got it all
Everything you could
Want or need

She is still waiting for you
She is still yet to be seen

She sets her life up for failure
And
Now she waits for inspiration

Let the salt seep sting
Ms.mahogany eyes
and it's a godsend
recoil in position
stuck down in-between the cracks

*and she's never coming back.

Nothing exists in isolation

We must surround ourselves in
life like light
shining and gleaming upon everything
To show the world
Not only that these rays are real
but also
To make us see
we are present as well

That no one is truly alone
When you still have the sun

I love you
but know
I can't fall in love
I can't fall in lust
I can't fall in trust
I can't fall in starry eyes
I can't fall for all the lies
I can't fall in perfection
I can't fall in nostalgic recollection
but mostly I can't fall for you
I know
goodbye is the only truth