You don't define me
But simply refine me
Letting me grow stronger
Find my feet and totter
You offer your shoulder
for when I need to hold on.
You were made for me
Or maybe Cupid was awake
He saw my desires.
It was fated to be this
more than just a fling.
When you hold me close
I could swear time stops
Cause I lose myself in you.
Recklessly,abundantly
Give myself over to you
Your embrace and caress
Sending shivers through me
I tremble with passion
For all of you,more of you
I could almost scream your name
You are invading my senses.
I like what you do to me.

I wrote a poem for our daughter,
On the day we lost her, but I still had you.
It seemed like nothing would keep us apart.
I loved you, you loved me.
We thought that was enough.
But you didnt love me enough to change.
I couldnt love you any longer as you hurt me.
If you loved me you wouldnt break me, i thought.
Yet somehow i feel i gave up on us.
Do you blame me?
For not being able to take any more pain?
I blame you.
For not fighting for me.
Maybe you thought i wouldnt leave.
But i can't forgive you.
For being indifferent.
Only time you let me see your heart was the day we lost her.
Even that feels like a part played,
Hurts to doubt myself cause you were too busy to show me what was real and what wasn't.

It's been 10 hours since we broke up,
I still can't bring myself to admit it's for real.
You said you want me out of your life and I didnt even put up a fight.
I simply bowed out and left you.
See am tired of fighting for this;
Of telling you am for real.
Proving myself to you and yet you still question me.
Tired of your interrogations,
Of answering for what I do and say.
I knew you were the one and I gave it all to you.
But I still wasn't enough.
So i guess this is it.
All I have left are regrets.
Gosh I wish I could block you out and the pain.
It's tearing me apart that I cant text you, call you, hug you.
I will always love you.
Just you.
I meant those words.

Once upon a time not long ago,

That which only mattered was one's word,
With that, a verbatim, from soul deep a pact was sealed.
No longer are times the same, like the tides i know.

One’s word no longer stands

Tides change, times change
Nothing remains the same.
Best to let go of the old
Lest you end up with them sold.
Embrace the new
Like the few
Who do.


No man can turn back the wheel of change,
Even a shadow daily maintains not the same shape,
Shelf life either is not spared the fate of change,
It used be the beholder that mattered.
Now the witness, and all audience complete the picture.


Who better to prove a case
Than the audience jury and executioner to be
Time is contained within a globe
That only timelessness can reach.


Was it not for the paper chase,
The parchment would still be king,
Forget not, changes are full sail, what a voyage,
Quills, blood spills, ink, it all took two,
A covenant of understanding,
What was new, making news,
Is a history relic seconds later.


Give me a pen or quill
I'll take the ink today.
Bleed all over the pages
Of snow white pages.
What better way to remember time
Than immortalized in blue, black and green.
Drying on desks and tables.
Filed away for you and I.


And the wash of the flow
Tugs and tugs so
I will let go, let go, let go
Soon as I find and complete this
"urgent" (Hell-fire!) paperwork...
My hair is torn and my fictional filing system
Laughs at me! Waa

I remember falling in love
It was magical,
It was quick,
I was helpless.
You blew me away
Like a storm on a dark cloud
I was lost from the start.
Like a little wandering child.
I don't remember falling out
It was slow and gradual,
Maybe the jealousy
Or the way you didn't care
But either way I lost it.
The desire to be with you
It's truely gone
You weren't who I wanted
You changed too much.

The last time i hugged you,
You held me so tight and breathed me in.
I felt cherished, i got tingles.
I wanted to build myself a nest
Right there in your arms.
You let go.

I felt the loss of something i didn't even know,
Escaping from my heart and soul.
I know you needed it,
The soothing balm from my hug,
Like i needed to hear you breathe,
Listening to what you feel.
I need you to need me,
I always have.

His arms around me when i am weary.
His kiss upon my lips to ignite.
His desire fueling mine.
To an inferno of need.

I long to be by his side.
Day and night and in between.
Our passion smolders between the sheets.
The tenderness of each touch
Coupled with the insatiable wildness.

His gaze on my body.
Like a starved man seeing an oasis.
His hunger to taste and partake
Of the wet goodness moist for him.
Every moment together we are lost.
And yet apart we long for a moment more.

I want to know you
Like the back of my hand.
Trace the lines of your face
And etch them into my memory
Like an ink painting on canvass
mapping you perfectly
As curves and lines so fine.
I see you when I close my eyes
Kissing me
Touching me
Loving me.
There isn't anywhere
I would rather be
Than in your arms.

It feels strange when you talk about her,
Could be that I was used to being her.
The one you were supposed to love and spoil.
Instead you fought it every step of the way,
You let me down when I needed you.
Now you tell me how you took her shopping,
The little things you never got me.
How you get her the things that were supposed to be mine,
It feels like someone slept in my bed,
Wore my clothes and walked in my shoes.
Guess me leaving changed you,
Only for her to have the best parts.

I have done things in your bed
Shameless wanton things
That make you moan
And when I close my eyes
I feel your sensuous lips
On my heated skin.
I call your name over and over
and still we want more.

Everything you touch
Turns to dust
Golden dust
Cause it all starts from ashes
And develops into beauty.
Touch me
that I may become your muse

I want to create something new
           from dust and ashes.
A masterpiece never before seen
            not a copycat idea.

Everyone dreams of greatness
            to be the best in a field.
But there isn't room for more
             not every star shines the same.

There are the natural ones
            Already shining
                    Bright.
Those that you have to peer
     Into the sky for a while.
   Lose yourself in thoughts
Find your hopes and dreams
see where you are meant to be.

Every new creation and idea
Was there in the beginning
                  Smaller
            Insignificant
  but existent in it's capacity .
   It's watered and nurtured
Like a new born babe prepared
for the life the parents want.
  Better than what they had.
  Children are a way of living
Life in a newer more creative way.

I saw my dreams in the cradle
strength in the wood
Nostalgia in the chimes
Whimsy in the light.
I was little, I was alive.

No matter the pain
You get up

No matter the sorrow
You get better

nothing lasts forever
And you will be okay.

It is now in the stillness
When the crickets chirp
That I need you most.
Awake and lonely at night
thinking of how you;
Look at me
Touch me
Kiss me.
It drives me insane.
I crave you next to me
In being with you,
I come alive.
Hold me
                      Tight
                     Tighter
So that where you end and I begin
Is a mere blur of the senses.
I am overwhelmed by space
-your space
You write your way in
Like a reality television script
You belong here
Among the folds of my day
For you are the clock
That ticks me through a day
Your absence lingers
Like a persistent fly
I can feel it
You're not here.

In the rain i feel alone
forlorn and unloved
yearning for your embrace
your cold lips on my hand.
the warmth of your touch
on my sensitive skin.
the smooth caress of your
featherlight touch.
sleep eludes me
your face invades my mind
and I long for a walk in the rain
to clear my head of you
to feel your presence with me.
In the rain am alone with you.

Write me a letter
A few scribbled words on paper.
Write me please,
So i know you care.

Write me a sonnet
Of sisyphean proportions
Praising me to heaven and back
Immortalize me in words.

Serenade me,
Oh yes, please do.
I would love to be accosted on the street
By the Bastille.

I wait in the shadows
Longing for a gentle voice
I swoon in abandon
When i am wooed.

Today I tried to leave you
I mean actually go away
I packed all my things
Walked out the door.
Got myself another place
Cleaned it out and unpacked.

but then I began to long
For the sound of your voice
Yearn to be in your arms.
Am hopeless without you
You are everything I need
To fill my days with laughter
to drive me mad with anger
At the end of the day
It's you I need.

But you see me,
even when i close my eyes
when i forget my face.

And you know me,
even when i don't know who i am,
when i forget my name.

You hear me,
even when my words get stuck,
when i forget my voice.

You find me,
even when I am lost
when i forget my way.

You feel me,
even when i am numb.
when i forget my senses.

You love me,
even when i am a mess
when i forget myself.

You just lost the best thing you ever had and you
don't even know it.
I hope it hurts you every moment of everyday.
A numb inescapabale pain.
I want it to keep you up with what ifs and maybes late at night.
It should crawl under the covers with you and settle like a dead weight on your chest.
See I loved you with every piece of my heart.
You took all that as your due.
I could have done less but I gave you more,
Thinking you needed me too.
Am sorry that I gave you the best years of my life.
Even more sorry that I loved you.
That was my greatest mistake.
Loving someone who didn't need to be loved.

I still remember when you said.
That you wanted to freeze every moment.
Remember every minute with me.
Because I was who you wanted by your side.
The best person you ever knew.
And you were in love with me.

I remember the first time.
You came into my apartment.
Christmas of 2018.
You said you hated that I was alone.
That you would make sure I was never alone again.
I thought to myself, I wish he was mine.

I remember loving you.
Being loved by you.
A vortex, a promise, a dance.
There is no ocean I wouldn't cross for you.
But you threw that away.
Walked out the door and never looked back.

I remember thinking I had forever.
But now I remember all those hours
Spent under your spell.
And I'm thinking I was meant to love you then.
But it wasn't real.
I remember us.
Just like a dream.

At the precipice we change
And time stops for us
All I want this time
Is a love that can't be contained
One so pure and enthralling
It makes me lose my head.
I want to be swept away on a tide of passion
Lose myself in depths of you
Intriguing and exciting
You hold me close
much closer than before
everytime I walk away
end up closer to you.

You knew me best
I didn't have to talk
Somehow you knew
all that I needed.
You put me first
Rearranged your life for me
And that was great
I felt special.
Why did you have to walk away?
turn your back on me
Even when you saw my tears
Streaming down my face.
I still breathe with you.
I see you at the corner
And rush to find it's not you.
You elude me like a wisp of smoke
I can't touch.
I want you back
would pay whatever was asked
I dunno where to find you
Even as I continue to hope
I wasn't just dreaming.

Am not the girl you fell in love with
Not now, after all the pain.
You're not the boy i skipped to meet
With heart as light as a feather.
You're too distant, too aloof.
You showed me the world,
I believed it was mine.
And now its hazy and grey.
But i know,
We were meant to be together.

Am a little rough around the edges
Growing old does that to you.
But you're worn out as well
From running circles around me.
I long for the guy who wanted me,
Everytime and anytime.
I felt needed, loved, wanted.

I want to take you and make you mine,
Love you more than you expect,
Accept you even when you hurt me.
I might not get it right,
But even when i break your heart,
I won't leave if you'll have me.
I promise to try.

Here I stand again
At the beginning of everything
Not sure which way to go
Whether to step forward
Or retrace my steps to the end
I did not finish what I started
Had no idea what I wanted
it was all black and blue
Maybe I needed white.

I am suspended in limbo
Between where I should be
And where I wanna be
Thinking it over day by day
What I want out of this.
Maybe in the end it will be
Worth everything to me
To just see you
Hold you
Love you.

Listen
to the voice inside
Telling you that it's not impossible
to love again.
You have seen pain
But if you gave it another day
There could be more than that.
It's not supposed to hurt
As much as it does.
It will fade to a dull ache
and be less than a pinch.
Wasn't built to last
This thing called pain.
It springs from within
and needs to be driven.
It will come to pass
In the dawn of a new day.
Things done in secret
to stem the flow of energy
bubbling over and pushing
For an outlet.
It started out as an accident
and now it's here to stay.
you were hurt badly before
and now you don't want
To let go and love again.

I reached out to you, poured out my heart and soul expecting a friend. Instead you turned your back on me. Trying to cope with the pain, of losing someone so dear. You hurt me more than i expected. In not being there for a friend. Maybe i chose the wrong things. In expecting you to understand. I had it all wrong. Nothing matters except happiness. But even that isn't pure without you here. I keep expecting to wake up and see you. Find that everything ugly never happened. But instead the ache of your pain hurts. I miss it all. I would try to do this differently but somehow it seems fated to end this way.

Watching you cry
Made me realize
it's not you, it's me
Breaking your heart
maybe am selfish
Wanting you to be perfect
when am not.
A little love is all you wanted
I gave you alot of grief.

Hate to see you hurting
feeling like it's your fault
You tried your best
Wasn't enough for me
I must be crazy or why
Would I throw away
The one that treated me right

It's not you, it's me.
Don't fall apart
Don't let me go
I'll love you better
You know it's true
Just don't stop loving me.

You walked away
Tore my heart to pieces
Made me lose my will
To live, to watch,to learn.

Gave me up
when all I wanted was you
To hold me and tell me
You would always be there
To fix me and make the pain
go away.

You were all I wanted
and yet deep down I knew
Couldn't have you
Never would.
I have to move on now
Pick up the pieces and fix
All that I am.

Dont want to say goodbye
When it's you I want
To spend my life with.
If it's sorrow and pain in our way
The fates must be wrong
We are so right together.
Take my mind by storm
Satisfy me as I ****** you
It's an enchantment on us
One with every design
To give us a good time.
You know I love you
Even though you don't believe
that this could ever be.

I want to be alone
without feeling so empty
sit by myself and think
about the past and the future.

I want to sit outside
in the cold night air
reflect on the stars and sky
see myself in the constellation

I don't want to be alone tonight
in this large cold bed
thinking that i would rather lie
in your arms and just stay.

I want everything and all of it
to walk with you and not alone
to be with you and know
you are mine and i am yours.

I want to be someone else
For a day, or more, or less
Just forget all my troubles
Take on another life
One filled with passion
happy memories and hours.
Not have to worry about
Pain,  deception, distress.
wake up to adventure
be someone new.
And just gobble life whole.

having you near
makes me shiver
my heart beats faster
my head spins round.

why did you have to go
and leave me alone?
why? why? why?
does this mean am insane?
to want you back
when you broke my heart

maybe am dreaming
and it never did end
or maybe you are here
to hold me close and say
babe just stay
all i want is to know
what am feeling.

why does my voice tremble
as i speak your name.
you should know
am yours for the taking.
just tell me you are back for me
love me, love me, love me.

When you hold me
I lose myself
In memories and sensations
in the moment of you.
Your warm embrace
Molding my body to yours
I don't want to lose the passion
Of our bodies intertwined.
Consume me, invade me
With these sweet sensations
Only you can evoke.
I want you, **** right I do.

hiding what I feel isn't working
cant have you when i need you
all I see is you
in the air,in the night
I want a hug ,I want you
to tell me it will be ok.
that it was a mistake
that you want this too.
don't break me
you know i want you
wish you could let me
show you how great it is.

He upped and left.
Like a thief in the night.
Dunno if he made plans
To tiptoe out as I slept.
You took nothing and yet everything
for you left with all I had to give
heart, hope and dreams
Shattered my soul
Never would I be trusting
with the key to my core.
You enticed me from the start
Lured me with a siren song
****** the life out of me
Like an enchanting Succubus
I guess this was the start
Or maybe the end
Of my wretched downfall.

Last night you made me
Lower my inhibitions
Let you in.
I looked into your eyes
And saw everything.
You kissed me and I melted
Felt my worries fading away
I couldnt think straight
I was overwhelmed by you.
The way you hold me and draw me close
the way you moan when I touch you
You give yourself over completely
I must have done something right.
I keep falling for you
You intrigue and excite me
We are so natural together
Cruel that you have to go.
I will be waiting for your return
To kiss and hold you
To lie in your arms and tall
To drive you crazy with me
I want you to know
you're special to me
In every single way.

I know you want my blessing.
No ******* way!
Should i box up what I feel and smile?
Become bffs with your new girl?
I can't forget you that easily,
You who made sweet love to me.
You stole my heart the first time you smiled at me.
That sweet alluring smile that teased me to come out of my shell.
I was lost before you started to love me back.
You gave me everything and asked for twice that.
I can't walk away from us,
As easily as from a pet.
You were my life.
I want you gone,
I will not be happy for you.

After a while
Even hate grows cold
Pain dulls and numbs
Sorrow gets replaced
And we let go.

There were chains
Cold metal chains
I broke them, I cut through
I picked the cuffs
Or maybe I had a key.

Tired of being in jail
For a crime I didn't commit
Hating you was inevitable,
You drove me to it.
And now am stuck at this
It's a full time job.

Am taking a day off
Heck am quitting,
sick leave, with pay
Be sure I'll Sue for benefits
But am done here.
Served my time with grace
Let me go.

The bonds forged in pain
are real.
Laced with the spirits
Of suffering and despair.
breaking the cycle
Is something that never happens
For the bonds are reinforced
When we give someone power
Over our emotions.
You need to open the cage
And soar on your own.

The very walls I built
To keep the clutter out
Suffocate me daily
Shutting me in with my thoughts
Questioning my decisions
testing my patience.
Was I wrong? Or right?
Have I added to my mistakes?
Will I wake up tomorrow?
The burden overwhelms me
I fear that I will give in
To the heartwrenching fear
Of the unknown.
A weight settles on me
Bearing down on my chest
I heave breath after troubled breath
who knows if it's my last?
I prepare myself for death
Sink into nothingness below
For there are no worries
nothing but stillness.
No,I will not let the reaper close
But how to deal with my pain
That is anew everyday
I find fault with the sun and moon
No one to distract me
From these savage insecurities
hounding at my door
am I pretty enough? Strong?
can I do it? Will I succeed?
it seems I am doomed to doubt
Trapped by inequities
and someday I just hope
These walls will be solace
And not my jailer.

He walked away from me,
Right there at the altar.
Had his eyes glued to someone else.
It broke my heart, broke my soul.
I was lost in time unknown.

She was pretty and petite,
Seemed to have it all.
Why did she need you too?
A mere trophy to show off.

Wish I could beg you to come back
Hold me one more time.
Somehow i still need you.
Even as i lie here broken.

Am not going to run after you,
I deserve more than that.
I want someone that feels lucky
To have me around them.
You don't call me, you don't text.
All you do is watch me pace.
Wearing myself out trying to meet you
Somewhere between you and I.
Why don't you tell me now,
This isn't what you want.
I can feel it even now,
You're slipping away, weren't even mine.

Why did you lure me in?
Spinning promises and paradise.
You could have saved us the time
Taken to hurt each other.
Actually am the one that got hurt,
You were quietly indifferent.
Seeming to be happy even as i walked away.
It wasn't meant to careen out of control
But it did
And now am broken.

If you ever had a heart, leave.
To save me from insanity.
I hate what you have become.
Pain and anguish to my soul.
Walk out that door,
Don't ever come back.
I can't bring myself to walk away,
So please leave.

How just is justice?

little children are orphaned
Mothers lose their little ones
a jury is asked to give verdict.
Prove
beyond reasonable doubt.
Not even a hint of uncertainty.
An aggressive defense,
the guilty made a victim ;
Framing, hearsay, lies.
the snake will stoop so low
Perjury without a fear.
Taking away mercy.
Laughing at the easy win
Mocking the legal system.
At most ten years,
mayhaps less for good
Behavior, a pat on the back.

Talking to you in the late hours of the night
Has become my lifeline.
Its my favorite time of day,
Where I don't have to feel alone ,
Knowing you are here.
You want to be here.

My heart flutters and pleasure builds,
You like me too.
I say I miss you even though its only been a day.
You say you need to see me and I am lost.

You have become my friend and lover in such a short time.
Giving me love and companionship in equal measure.
I can't help calling you, if only to hear your voice.

I wither and die as I sit by the phone,
watching,waiting and hoping you will call.
Just today, be the one I need to hold my hand.
Act like you want to have me near, and not let go.
My resolve is wearing thin, my faith wearing down.
I need my lover to have my back.
Lately I feel like you aren't here.
Even when am next to you, you look through me.
You are full of pain and hot blades of rejection.
Why can't you just open up like a children's book,
letting me enter your enchanted world,
where you and I are in love again.
Just today, tell me you love me,
even if only for a while so I can smile.
write me texts and call to hear my voice,
lay me down on a wishing well so I can hope.
Talk to me like you care, like you always did.
Stay with me like you never left.
Just today, love me.