I'm watching you on a loop.
You, me, her. Repeat.
I love you, I love her.
I'm with you.  No I'm with her.
And I can't tear my eyes away.
From the inevitable crash.
I know it's going to hurt.
But I'm powerless to stop myself.
From needing you, wanting you.
Casting you as prince charming.
I'm the princess who one day finds love.
Except they don't tell you its fluid.
He wont love you forever.
He wont want to stay.
He was looking for a right now,
And you're stuck in forever.
Together, you are a whimsical dream.
You're a patchwork of scars that are sewn.
He is the thread that keeps your Frankenstein tied.
And when he goes, you will unravel.
Into the abyss.

I promised not to cry the next time I turned my back on you.
But I couldn't help it.
I broke my heart in a million pieces and left them behind.
Am aching to watch your smile,
your beautiful innocent smile.
I miss the sound of your voice,
That maniacal laugh only you have.
The space where you lay just a moment ago is smooth and clear.
No trace of you remains.
You were trying so hard to be strong but instead I saw the pain;
Buried beneath a false facade of bravado and charisma.
You said it was ok but I saw the aching loneliness and fear.
It hurts so much to let you go but I know it has to be done.
I hope some day you will understand because I don't.

When it hurts you cry
and make those promises
Not to let it hurt again
The next time it happens
You wonder why you didn't
stand up to yourself more
Be strong and say no.
The little girl wants it all
The big girl knows there is a price
One paid in tears and pain
Most of all you learn
life isn't fair in anyway.

cant you see my tears
or don't you care?
that i am hurting,aching
begging for a chance
jus a day,a moment.
i need to see you
i need to feel you
hoping you can let me be
your love,hopes and dreams

If you let me love you,
I would make the gods jealous with my adoration.
Write you odes and sonnets from dusk to dawn,
serenade you with whispers of love.

If you let go of your inhibitions,
I could seep into your veins,
like a flood of warmth and desire,
take over your body and mind,
truly make you mine.

You see, I want to possess you,
like something I carved out of bark,
put you on a pedestal and worship you.
For you are truly divine.

Let me be the first thought you have when you wake,
the last if only before you fade.
I can be your world and it's trimmings,
Just say the word and am yours.

Dear Emmeline
I am writing to you from a hole,
from a place carved into cave
Sinking into an irredeemable apathy
into a very sickly depression.
I am asking for a hand, for this:
Reach for me,from this deep pit.

Edgar dear,
I am searching all the crevices i know.
Could this be the depression
That snatches unsuspecting souls?
And keeps for itself so it doesn't have to be alone?
I will not rest until i retrieve your troubled mind,
From it's depths and darkness.

It was a classic deception
One that wasn't easy to tell
You see the lines were blurry
Between truth and lies.
I fell for the velvety feel
Of perfection just how I needed it.
He knew what I needed
and delivered it dressed up
Just the way I liked it.
Classy,  irresistible, perfect.
I thought this was it
The beginning of the end
Everything exactly as it should
until the layers began to Peel
Coat after coat of trickery
Beguiling my senses.
The mist began to thin
And I could see
Exactly what you were
A serpent of exceptional skill
You led me on a merry chase.

Am afraid of the dark
I guess it's the monsters
That peer in the dark
And ****** the innocence
Of the waking souls.
I don't want to sleep
Because I don't want to dream
The haunted vicious kind
Running from something
I can't even see
Feeling it gaining on me
Losing options to escape
From the snaring beast
I want a fear free night
From beasts and nightmares
All I want is light in the dark.

I have come to the end of time
where lines blur and fade
where sand grains dissolve
and the hourglass is clear.

This is the end of the road
where footsteps disappear
trodden paths interlink
trampled grass remains
where do I go from here?

In the past sorrow bestowed
a lingering embrace on me.
kept me in her clutches
made me weep.
The future is uncertain
like a weight on a pendulum
swinging back and forth
sorrow,joy,loss,gain,light,dark
I am but suspended in between.

I can write about my pain in lines,
Black mascara running down my cheeks with tears,
Needles piercing my nerves with stabs,
It hurts to think of you and what you did.
By not being there,
Not loving me.
Not needing me.

I was good to you.

You took my heart and twisted it,
Tucking it between a rock and hard place.
It was beating but bruised,
Shaking and shivering.
You cut it out while it still beat.
And wore it on your sleeve.

I can write of this pain in ink,
Bleeding my heart out on paper.
Writing you into my memories,
Writing you out of my subconscious.
And yet you're an inkstain on my paper and thumb.
You linger in the lines left behind.

Going round in circles,
That's what he does best.
Turning my opinions inside out,
Pushing me, pulling me, being with me.
He says am special, he says am not.
He never says yes or no.
Deftly playing my heart like strings,
tucking, twisting, threading me.
He wears my heart on his sleeve,
Like a cuff-link.

Sometimes I want you so bad
It's an uncontrollable flame
building higher than expected
I lose control
of my inhibitions and reason
Everything around you blurs
You capture my dreams
Change them to include you
Why can't I think straight?
Heartbeat racing
Pupils dilating
'Kiss me please ,' I whisper.
Touch me
In the most sensual of ways
Violate my senses
Invade my heated moist flesh
Pulsing
For your touch
Kisses
Warm flickering tongue
Pleasuring me
I moan in abandonment.
If this is heaven
I want to die here.

You broke my heart, you know
When you walked away.
I lay on the floor
Banged my head against the wall
Wailed and begged you to stay
Held my heart hostage for you
You never looked back
seeming to move on as you left
It hurt some more
You left me broken in agony.
I tried to fix myself
With some duct tape
Cigarettes you left behind
Maybe as I inhaled the smoke
A part of you came back to me.
I tore your pictures to shreds
Saw your face in every reflection
I broke the mirrors and windows
but still your shadow remained
Lingering, looming, lurking.
You consume me like a flame
searing even as you went.
I can't get you out
Even as I scream to drown out your voice
you're not mine anymore!
Go bother someone else
I don't want you here
And yet you color all my memories
Tinged red by anger and hurt
You hurt me everytime
I remember your touch.
How it soothed the pain
And took my breath away.
You are the same one
That took away my reason to live
How can I stay here broken?
losing myself in drink and smoke
trying to find a reason
to live again.

I remember falling in love
you were passionate and kind
You were honourable in every way
Talked late to me on phone
Found me when I was lost
Held me when I couldn't stand
you were my crutch and I fell.

What I don't remember
Is falling out of love with you
Maybe it is when you stopped
Caring what I felt
Being there when I needed you
Became caught up in your life
pushed me out of the center.

I will always love you
But I will not give myself up
To please you
I will not be someone else
even for your sake
Will not smile as you hurt me
I will walk away even if I stumble
for I am not meant to stay.

It feels like falling is the only thing i know how.
And I'm broken on the inside
Playing a refrain
That starts with you...
And ends in you...

Let go. Let me go so i can fly.
But when i walk out the door
My legs bring me back to you.
Just when we were starting to dance
You changed the song.

And im stuck.
Stuck on that part where you say
I want to be with you.
Stuck on the moment where i said yes.
And now you say its not real.
And my heart breaks.
Because i was holding on to you.
The strings are a little too deep.

All I wanted was one night
Oops, didn't mean to let that slip
But instead I ended up here
A series of days and months
getting our lives entwined
it was too fast and too soon
Never had a chance to discover
Exactly what I wanted
Something that was missing.
I didn't get a chance to live
Without your shadow hovering
and now am all thinking
Maybe you're not the one
What if I got the signs wrong?

I sent my little boy into the world,
It made the light go out of his eyes.
He was scared of his own shadow
Jumping at the slightest sound.
The world was watching with slit eyes
Stalking and toying with your courage.

I thought he was gone,
When the pale ghost of a smile disappeared.
He must be in the afterlife,
With shadows and darkness.
I tried to search, but I couldn't go beyond the tombs.

He is lost to us now,
Living in a realm we cannot reach.
The veil prevents us,
From seeing beyond the surface.
He lives in my home,
Even has the same voice.
He isn't my son.
The world buried his life force.

Kiss me
The way you usually do
Hold me
Tighter than before.
Hug me
Close so I can feel you
Listen to your heartbeat.
Touch me
In ways that make me moan
It's only you that can
For we are bound, you and I
Make love to me
Every single day.

Ever felt your heart breaking?
It's a sharp pain that starts in your sides and squeezes out all your joy.
It's that feeling where you can't breathe cause they took your air.
It's when you can't stop crying cause someone took your feelings hostage and abused them.
It's when you love someone and they don't love you back.
They take you for granted and break you till you lose yourself.
Tell me would you still believe in love?
Or would you just let it go and pray for numbness.
Blessed reprieve from the pain, thoughts and regrets.
Maybe you should have taken better care and not fallen before you were sure he was the one.
You settled for Mr. Maybe and tried to change him.
You did this to yourself,
Got yourself broken cause you didnt wait for what you deserved.

You break my heart each day,
with a little silence and callous thoughts.
Do you think of me sometimes?
With a secret smile and warm heart.
Or do I sit by myself in solitude.
Wishing you will come tonight?

I lose my mind to you,
Moments i wish to have side by side with moments already shared.
I am helpless and alone.
Burning in agony of your absence.
I remain here lost,
Hoping you will be mine.
But it is a worthless thought,
someone that doesn't care for anything but himself won't love me
the way I need to be loved.
So I will lose my heart and happiness.
In loving you.

Is it too much to ask
That the love lasts forever?
must it always come to end
In horrific painful ways?
I gave you my best years
and my hopes and dreams.
You desecrated my trust
Taught me what it was to hurt
So much my heart was breaking
into shards that pierced what remained.
You destroyed everything I had
You pushed me off the edge
of sanity and reason.
Turmoil fills my days
I am besieged by the pain
With every breath I take.
Why couldn't you have walked away
The very first day we met?
I wouldn't love you this much
See you in my dreams
need you everyday.
I wouldn't ache when you push me away
worry myself to sickness
over what you want and need.
I wouldn't cry myself to sleep
Curse Cupid and the fates
Am tired of loving
it only brings hurt my way.
Oh but for blessed quiet
no more panicked plans
Rushed moments and time
I want to unknow everything
I have come to know with you.

Dear Love.

I adore you, sweetheart.

I know how much you like to hear that — but I don’t only write it because you like it — I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write it to you.

This is my first love letter to you and i hope there will be many more to come. You deserve to be cherished and showered in love because you are an amazing man. You snuck up on me unawares and laid siege to my heart. Lord knows i tried to resist you but you cant escape destiny. We were like two forces meant to collide.I want to tell you I love you. I want to love you. I always will love you.

I know we are miles apart and this is online — but I still want to comfort and take care of you — and I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you — I want to do little things with you. Big things. Anything that will cement our love.

You worry because you think you can not give me something that you want to and think I need. You worry about not being enough. But darling you are the sum of everything i ever wanted. You needn’t worry. I love you in so many ways so much — even if you gave me nothing,I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else — but I want you to stand there. You, far and imperfect, are so much better than anyone else I know past and future. I believe everything happens for a reason and our destiny brought us together because we are stronger as a whole. I want an imperfect perfect love with you giving each other things no one else dared.

I know you will assure me that I am foolish and that you want me to have full happiness and don’t want to be in my way. I’ll bet you are surprised that I don’t even have a boyfriend irl. But you can’t help it, darling, nor can I — I don’t want anyone else because my eyes are set on you— they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You are real.

I knew I loved you
from the first time we met
It was magical
Everything seeming to fall in place
Our selves fitted like a puzzle
You embracing  me as I absorbed you
I wanted to freeze that moment
Wanted forever with you.
Never knew it could hurt
Like silver melting in my veins
Painful heated agony
Of you not wanting this
You couldn't even try.
You say you love me
But if love is only pain
I would rather walk away on coals
than be locked in this furnace.

I fell for you so easily
like rain drops on a cloudy day
My fears ceased to matter
I was cool as cucumber
Thought you had got it
This thing we had going.

But nothing lasts forever
everyone says that
I should have prepared better
Maybe shut you out first
packed your love in a case
And returned it to you.

What am I supposed to do
Without a heart?
All my ideals crushed
I was truly naive to believe
in love with all it's forms.
Guile is the most common
Should have seen through you.

There's a hollow in my chest from where my heart used to be.
An aching emptiness where you curled up and filled me.
You got up and took my heart with you.
Now I long to feel its beat against your chest as you kiss me.
Won't you kiss me one more time?
I want to feel the fire spread from my lips to my toes.
I want to press my body to yours.
I want to make you love me.
Will you love me?

It's raining
And all I want is
Clarity.
In what you feel.
Love.
In the gaze as you look into my eyes
Support.
When you hold me.

Am trying to keep warm
Dying to be strong
but I just can't be alone.
All my fears come creeping in
My inhibitions magnified
Am not the person I should be
So promise you will always be
The one that loves me still.

I was your one,You were her two.
It's weird how those things never work out
You are someone's life but you are too busy trying to find someone who makes you feel something. Someone every bit of you recognizes as yours.
Yours to love.
Yours to have.
All yours.
So you take it for granted that your his first thought,
You forget to let him know he is your last thought.
You just don't get that who you love won't love you back.
It's either love or be loved.

You ask me why all I do is love,
yet all it does is hurt.
You don't see that its a facet,
of pain, smiles and tears.
Love isn't something you need to
breathe.
But breathing hurts when you don't feel.
It is embedded in your DNA,
Somehow we love or are loved.

I want to sweep you away
on a surge of love.
Swelling, rising, overwhelming
Escaping the confines set.

I want to whisper in your ear
How much I want you.
With me, in me. Be with me.
Tell you that I love you
More and more each day.

To lose myself in you
Be all about you
Am falling so deep
Am crazy for you.
I want to kiss your lips
Slowly, sensualy, passionately.
Touch and kiss you
Brand you with my passion
you are all I want and need.

If I could breathe you I would
I dream about you
Whispering against my lips
That you love me.
Taste me, enfold me.
Consume me.
I am yours like you are mine.

Hold me.
Stop for a moment and feel
Every sensation when I touch you
The electric tingle
When I rain kisses on your body
Beg me to take you in me
And I surely will.

Is this what it means to love?
The pain that goes through my chest when I can't see you.
The tears I choke back when you hurt me,
Cause somehow it hurts more when you watch
me.
The pounding of my heart when you say my name.
The mixed feelings and confusion.
How come I can't smile without you?
And yet I cry night after night,
Cause you didn't love me the way i feel I deserve.
Somehow there is more pain with you than without.
And yet I can't see myself being here without you.
You complete me.
Jagged pieces of your imperfect character fit right where I need them to.
This must be love.

I'm not okay without you,  because missing a moment of you is just too hard,
and because my whole world revolves around you; you could destroy me at any moment.
I keep going through your pictures as fast as my fingers will allow,
partially because I want to kiss your face, frozen in every moment.
and mostly because they're all perfect, and I can't pick just one I adore.
It hurts to see that you were happy before me, but then again you're happy now.
At least that's what I tell myself. You're happier with me.
Yes, it hurts to see you with someone else but that was before me.
I tell myself you're mine now.
That every fiber of you comes alive for me but I don't really believe that.
The notion of true love is romantic but the scientist in me won't believe;
that you never loved before me.
that you could give it all up for me.
That your life came to a stop and I walked right in the middle of it.
The pieces left from all my past selves are aching for you to touch me and love me,
for you to declare you want to make me whole again. They wait for you to fix me.
To pull me close in the center of your world and set me on a pedestal.
for this, I would give up anything. I've laid on my bed every night and wished for you.
everything I've seen since I met you has been a mere shadow of the actual representation.
My eyes are blurred by tears and fears, like what if you're just a dream meant to leave me alone.
I can wipe the tears away, but your memory lingers.it always comes back because it belongs here,
and I feel like I belong in your arms.
I hold on to you and you're tearing me apart.
I would die for you. Not an actual death,
but a little death where every part that knew you won't work without you.
Everyday, I would die, and everyday I do ,because I love you, I always have.
I have loved you not only in this life, but in all the past lives. See i didn't have to learn to love you.
My heart and soul and body were all in sync cause I was made for this;
to give you every part of me the way it was meant to be.
My body fits perfectly with yours like the missing piece.
I am yours, when you hold me. when you kiss me. and when you need me.
A part of me knows I will always be yours.
I was made to love you.

You're the man I could stare at and  say nothing,
because the type of nothing you have means everything.
You could break me over and over, and it always hurts like hell, but each time I heal is for you.
You come with me to my dreams where my soul meets yours.
I think I scare you, by revealing a love your mind could never fathom.
I dream of you,but you are so real you make my chest ache. with things I didn't know I needed,
till I met you. Things I only dreamt of now within my grasp.
I write of you because you fill my soul with words bursting to come out.
I see you and I can't speak, from beauty and pain piercing the insides of me.
I hold it all in and it flows out on paper.
I need you to live, breathe and be.

You make everything in this world matter more than it did, I've never loved  before,
and I've never missed a set of lips so much. That's why I'll always love you.
I do love you, more than anyone could love another, because I fell in love when we met.
I fell in love when you spoke to me and held me, and then I fell in love when you looked into my eyes.
The kind of love I only saw in farytales. I tried to walk away and your gravity pulled me back to you.
I nudged you awake when you slept cause I counted every hour I spent with you.
I fell in love with the way I love you, and a part of me can't give that up.
I fell for every part of you, one at a time, over and over I got ****** into your presence.
I gave myself to you and every part couldn't wait to be yours.
I am yours. Now and forever.

I hate it when you talk down to me.
Relax this and breathe out that.
You need a break, it doesn't matter.
I am not a little child anymore,
Little more than someone to be led,
Down this way, up by the creek.
You can't tell me what to do.
Get some rest, you will be calm tomorrow.
Do I look like I want to be calm?
Stop telling me what to do,
I hate how you sound like a *******.
You make me want to scream.
Leave me to be mad in peace.

You used to love me once
When the magic was just born
Given to everyone of our land
You had powers to do good
Instead you plundered
A heart that was willing
To serve you in every way.

The magic moved away
As people stopped caring
You see it was fueled
By a fire of eternal love.

Now we are mortals
Sworn to protect our hearts
for without eternal love
There is a wealth of hurt
Betrayal and confusion.
We lost the magic and reason.

The pain
        The agony
Like learning to live again
Without everything you love.
The nightmares
         The horror
of everything black and blue
Grey and brown hues.
Reality zooming in
           Dreams phasing out
Oh but for alternate reality
to have what I badly want.
The noise
       The silence
I would give for explosions
and implosions too.
The chaos
         The order
It's a bundle of contradictions
Scattered in the recesses
Of my mind.

I want to write my memory all over your body.
With kisses born of love and longing,
Passion fostered from your embrace.
I want to fit my body to yours and hold you,
Breathe in as you breathe out.
Leave you with images of me content in your arms.
Wrap your arms around my name,
Write your love across my heart.
I am yours to hold through the night.
I want to imprint myself on you.

She sits on a stone carved in marble.
One that shows the beginning and end.
Someone once breathed in this air,
When it was pure and clean.
Its now fouled by bad memories,
Generated by unconcerned minds,
Too steeped in control and anger.
The air shimmers with past and loneliness.
It senses an eternity of solitude.
The girl returns everyday to wait,
Sitting in stillness like stone.
Someday, she says.
Hope shattered into fragments.
Glass showing what could be.
It never would happen now.
She reads the carvings that don't make sense.
Here lies mother, lover, friend.
She had never had one of those,
Not for one day.
She lay on marble and felt its hands wrap around her with cold precision.
It would be okay to not wake up, stone whispered.

Marry me

He said he wanted to marry me.
I asked why?
I said I wasnt good enough to fit the bill.
He asked why birds sing.
I guess neither of us knows why he is here.
I pushed him away.
He rammed his way into my life and
refused to leave.
Instead he built pyramids on my insecurities and fortified them.
He trapped me in a lie.
He brought my dreams half way awake.
Now all that is left are shattered shells.
I thought we would be married this week.
But guess you have a reason not to.
Worst part is I dunno if its me or you that saw a way out.

I think am just a little needy...
Waiting for you to come home.
But I can't think straight without you,
here next to me.
I need you to love me,
and give me all of you.
Or I fall to pieces waiting for you to pick me up.
It feels like I can't even breathe which is stupid.

I tried holding back,
Fell flat on my back.
Cause it's you I need to help me up.
Am letting go of my hang ons,
Cause I know I need you to live.

I think of you and I
it hurts me that we fight.
Going round in circles.
Missing what is right infront of us
All i want this time
Is a love like Fitz and Liv,
Even though they can't be together
They keep coming back together.
I can't go on without you
Even if it takes 50 years
You will realize we are one the same side
Meant to last
More than a season.

Why should one opinion matter so much
be the one that moves you
With a spring in your step
Or like death warmed over.

Why should one hand be
The exact fit with yours
Fingers entwined
and reassuring to the touch.

Why should one character meld
To the contours of yours
Leaving no scarred tissue
But giving you room to grow

I guess we were destined
To be together as one
Help each other through
the life left ahead.

There is no such thing as us.
It's just you and me and all the people out there.
They don't want to feel alone so hold on to hope.
Someday they will meet a partner and begin to morph so their desires meet.
They put them first hoping its enough to make them stay.
But in the end people leave,
It's what they were meant to do.

As a child, i was cured of curiosity
For i learnt it was a painful friend.
I saw her turning mom into a monster
Who only cared for herself.
She caked her face in creams and disdain,
And trotted off in gucci and hermes.
She ceased to call me princess,
And i became a pesky brat.

I was cured of Faith too,
When daddy didn't come home one day.
Where was he, i wondered?
Did he find somewhere special?
Was he in heaven?
If there was a heaven he wouldn't have gone without me.
I withered and folded losing my lustre and life.

I was cured even though i wasn't ill,
Of love and hope and dreams.
It wasn't unconditional like i wanted.
The expiry date was all too soon.
I knew i wouldn't last a day
In the world without my prescription,
And so i died in order to live.

Dear Future Me,

Someday you will be, the sun moon and stars.
To one lucky man.
And he will know, that he found a treasure.
You will be just right, and your needs will be his priority.
You will find love, and it will be everything you wanted.
I know it doesnt feel like it right now.
But someone will look at you, and see you for who you are.
And he will deserve your pure heart
And know what a gift it is when you give it to him.
Until then, don't give up on love.