I haven't been feeling like myself as of late.
It's rather a concern
You tell me to just stop and wait.
But what am I waiting for?
Am I waiting for my sadness to swallow me whole?
Why should I wait and see what's in store?
I'm cold.
So very very cold
My fingers are starting to mold.

I've been standing here for hours.
Not really knowing why.
Just watching as the snow falls around me
My breathe leaving my body like a cloud of smoke.

My hands are so cold they've turn red.
I can feel myself fading into the cold.
Something isn't right

I stand in the snow all night.
Waiting for something.
But I never knew what or why.

They found me in the morning. Just as the sun started to rise.
My frozen body laid peacefully in the snow
Small flakes against my still rosy cheeks

Winter is beautiful they always said.
Freezing to death was always a beautiful way to go I remember thinking.
My soul became a snowflake.
My body joined the air
My mind flew to the clouds.
Finally free and warm.
The cold icy wind no longer stinging my skin.

At last able to see what others always say.
The vast and beautiful winter wonders.

We are all in a labyrinth
Each of us stuck in the never ending twists and turns,
Wandering around aimlessly scouring the earth.

There are monsters there
Hidden among the shadows and corners of our maze,
We are stuck full of fear.

What about the great perhaps?
The hope of something more,
The chance that there is something to progress?

Twists and turns
Never ending hallways and isolating darkness,
There is Freedom to those who yearn.

Straight and fast
They say is the only way out,
Straight and fast out of this horrid trap.

The labyrinth is God's cruel joke
Like mice in a maze,
We are toys to poke.

I want out of this place
The monsters close at my heel,
It's so dark I'm going to suffocate.

I can't stop running
I have to keep moving,
Never stop running.

There is only one way out of this labyrinth
I know what I need to do now,
I need be sweet release of death.

A dagger to the heart
Or a drug overdose,
Something to end this hurt.

I'm free at last
The darkness is gone,
Finally with my last breath.

It's so beautiful here
Here at the end of it all,
Songs of birds fill my ear.

At last I am here
It's so beautiful,
I'm at last free of fear.

No monsters
No pain,
No more twists and turns.

Don't worry about me
I'm happy now,
It's so beautiful here.

Memories kept by the skin
Forever reminding you of that time
Although most fade and become thin.

They can be a painful reminder
Holding tight to that moment of weakness
Making sure you'll always remember.

Some show how we were saved
Other where we almost weren't
Memories of the path we paved.

The flesh never forgets
Even when the mind begs for it
These things remind us to forgive.

Thin small lines
Or big angry gashes
Things collected from the painful times.

These memories stain like tar
Even when you remind me why
"Sweetheart, it's just a scar"

You couldn't be more wrong
They are not just scars
They've become lyrics to my song.

A song of my long life
Some joyful moments
And some to get me through the strife.

The scar above my eye shows I was active
The scars on my feet show how I was strong
And the ones on my wrist and thighs reminds me of a time when I felt defective.

Not all scars are from a time of sorrow
Just to remind us to be grateful
And always look foreword to a better tomorrow.

I wake in the morning with an aching head
My body growling and grumbling
Throwing a fit because I’m underfed.  

I’m the bathroom I stand in my reflection
I see a distorted being. A creature.
I stare trying to make sense of my confused complexion.

I can hear my family in the kitchen.
They’re cooking and chatting.
I walk past them grabbing my mittens.

“I’m going for a run” I say as I walk out the back door.
The icy Colorado wind hits my face and I feel dizzy.
A chill strikes me to my core.

I push off and hit the sidewalk as I do every morning.
My heavy feet pound against the icy sidewalk.
With each step I feel as if I’m soaring.

When I run a forget about calories.
I forget about my self hate.
I feel free as I run past the trees

Back at home I weigh myself
I’ve gone 4 days without a crumb
I remind myself that I don’t need help.

As the number shows up I feel a sense of pride
I’m down another 5.
The growling in my stomach starts to rise.

Water.
That’s all I need to survive.
I’m closing in on my goal. Maybe then I’ll matter.

I’m so close.
Just a few more days.
Then I’ll have some toast.

But not until I’m perfect.