The world doesn't feel real
Like a million of us could fit in a measuring cup
So make something good,
Something sweet.
All the odds and ends adding up to something,
Something that could be beautiful when it ends.
Even though I feel so lost,
I know I have it all together.
Little pieces like a puzzle,
I just can't figure out where they belong.
The wisdom will come to me,
I know it.
Through a cloud, the universe or age.
It'll all be alright.
Someone kiss me through the night.
While I hold a few bottles of wine in my young hands.
Someone hold me till I can think straight,
Someone hold me until I am whole.
I'm finally a real person,
I'm finally alive.

Too much ******,
I had to be your heroine,
But I knew I could never save you.

You were suppressed of all your emotions,
The real ones at least.
Telling me lies all the time,
I couldn't trust you anymore.

When you fall asleep with me, you don't keep me warm.
Just a skinny, little shell of a beautiful body
That I miss so much.

Track marks down your arms,
Like little bits of hell.
I feel them and kiss them while you sleep,
Because I love you, I love you so dearly.
I know one day morning I'll wake up and you won't be there.
A long, long battle you stopped fighting forever ago will finally be lost.
You took your last breath, and I wasn't awake for it,
I was dreaming too deeply that when I awoke, things would be different.

I couldn't be your ******, and I couldn't be your heroine either.

Dragging me out the doorway,
Couldn't ever open my mouth,
I always embarrassed you.

I was pulling myself apart from you,
I was no longer just your daughter,
I was Erin, mostly Air, and sometimes, I was Holly.

I felt your icy breath down my neck,
Breathing down insults you would later retract,
Always giving me direction I didn't need,
Orders,
How I ought to conduct myself.

I didn't need it.

Pulling my arm
"We're Leaving."

Let me go
Let me go
Let me go

It's weird when people you knew die.
Especially when you're young.
I'm not terribly upset though,
Death doesn't hit me like it used to, I've sort of become adjusted.
But sometimes I think:
I'll never run into them at the grocery store and catch up a bit,
They will never get married to the love of their life,
Or have children,
But I might.
By the time I am dying,
They will barely be but a memory
Deep in the brain of someone who knew them 60 years ago,
Someone like me.
How strange.

I can see the face,
Hear the voice,
But It's all in my head.
I'll never see or hear it again.

I envision you in your Sunday best
Taking off my clothes in my tiny one bedroom apartment.
Just enough space for you and me.
Kissing my neck and moving down my torso,
Down to my heart shaped box.
But I'm stuck here alone,
Just for now.
Touching myself,
I like it so rough.
pretending it's you,
You,
You,
Oh my god, yes you.
I want you so bad right now.
I can see you in my head,
My breathing gets so quick,
I crave your touch every second,
I can't be satisfied.
Give me what I want.

I'm starting to get distant again, it's scaring me.
But what's scaring me most is that I'm okay with it.
I'm sitting in my hole of depression and am no longer struggling to climb out.
I've accepted that this is my life.
A big cloud over my head, but this won't last forever.
It gets better.
The sun will come out and shine upon my hair,
Like a new life, the one I had forgotten how to live.
For the first time, in a long time, I will be happy again.
But I'll always be stuck in my hole, unable to escape.
I know the clouds will come back, they always do.