No one said it'd be easy.
No one said anything at all actually.
No one really knows
That I desperately seek ways of recovery.

Everything you think you know needs to be forgotten.
It is crucial that your mind be open.
What I need you to know will be disturbing;
Harder to accept and, for me, to cope with.

Blackness surrounds the corners of my vision.
Sometimes when I stare,
My mind is filled with nothing.
While other times, with events that cause despair.

An immense amount of hatred lies within my heart,
Simultaneously an intense amount of love
That will never die down
Only to be discovered in this poem hereof.

Broken in ways I've never known
Triggered by something as simple as a familiar street
One that brings forth so many memories
Ones I wish my mind wouldn't keep.

Speaking the memories aloud burns
My heart, My throat, My eyes
Each time I move further down this road,
I can't help but turn around and hide.

Call me crazy
But I miss you.
I miss everything we had.
It makes it hard to start new.
Call me crazy,
But I still think of things
That I could have changed
To avoid this sting.
This sting I feel in my heart
From the loss of you.
Call me crazy,
But my love for you is true.
Months have passed,
So why all of a sudden?
Now the anger is gone;
I can mask the truth with nothing.
I miss how we'd make love
And go to get food right after.
Hair a mess, Sweatpants on
Car rides filled with laughter.
When we weren't fighting,
We were amazing together.
Call me crazy,
But I still believe in our forever.
There was someone before you,
But can I even count them?
Because the passion we shared
No one could even begin to fathom.
Through all our fights,
Why would I stay?
Because you were the only one
Who could take the pain away.
Call me crazy
But even with the bad,
I'd choose to rewind time
Just to experience what we had.
I'm fully aware now
That I've gone insane.
But just to be with you
I'd take that claim.

I can't get you off my mind.
From the time we met,
Up until our very last break
There's so much I just don't get.
Are you doing okay?
Have you found someone new?
Do you miss me?
Do you think about me too?
Does rage consume you
When you think of me?
Or are you perfectly fine?
Because I'm just some fading memory.
Do you play that last day
Over and over in your mind?
Wondering what could've went differently?
Would you rewind time?
Are you saddened by what we lost?
Or do you see it as a gain?
If you looked me in the eye,
Would you feel my pain?
Before bed it's the worst.
Actually its bad throughout the day.
My body trembles with pain,
Why didn't I stay?
Would it have been worth it?
To succumb to your insane needs?
To deal with your anxiety?
Thinking of it now, I'd do as you please.
Maybe I am insane.
I've probably lost my mind.
Because when it comes to you,
I'm totally blind.

I know you're not good for me, yet  the tears, the pain fades from my     memory. Being replaced with images of the past, i notice how much i miss your laugh. I'll remember your laugh as sweet, but then realize i could never compete, with your past and your pain that lies, competing with someone you could never say goodbye to. Anxiety got the best of you, your mind spiraling out of control but it was my heart that took the toll. I tell myself I'm alright, but seconds later fighting off tears with all my might. One slips through then i can't control it, my heart feels the pain that i refuse to admit. You're back home now, happy as can be. While I'm still here wishing you were with me.