Her soul bleeds love darkly
Red pools on the floor
She has been stabbed
Her soft heart pierced
By cruel knives
Sharpened with words of love
And water colors of rainy days
And small gentle hands
That won’t go away
Sharpened to cut deep
And she bleeds
And bleeds
As she is gashed
Over and over again
By the cold uncaring souls
That she once loved

These feelings of hopelessness
attack me constantly like a tidal wave
And when they do they leave
me feeling like I will forever live
my life being trivial.

It’s something I can’t explain
Like how the wind blows
suddenly and violently and in
it’s aftermath leaves nothing but
pandemonium.

I feel overwhelmed by my own emotions.
My ability to control them
diminishes everyday.
If my future is something that
is in the cards
I want it now.

This feeling of longing for distant places and different people is consuming me.
I long for a life I have never had…
Not something better…
Something different.

I miss someone I have never met…
Someone I am not sure even exists.
I cannot accept that this is all I will
ever be

There is a possibility that things
will change and a possibility it will stay the same.
The odds are it will get worse if
I don’t stop digging myself into a
bottomless pit.

I am screaming silently only I can
hear the harsh sounds of my
stifled screams
The noise is deafening.

I feel like I have been falling off a cliff since the day I was born..
When will I finally slam onto the ground
I am not afraid anymore..

Maybe I need to reach an even
lower rock bottom
before I can stop fighting myself
It comes and goes in gigantic
waves and it leaves me feeling
like I will never be more than this.

             12 September 2013

A panic realized
a shivering chill
racing up my soul
feeling the emptiness

Awake in the dark
as I walk among the dead

Chaos surrounds me
as my thoughts drip
into a graveyard of liquid
metal and bones

I see you
and the moments pass so quickly
I take hold as you slip away
Time is tricky
Forever in a day
A day can last forever
All that's left is to remember
I begin to play with the clock's levers
Out of control
Too bold
Too desperate
I just want you now
Now that it's passed
Why can't I grasp impermanence?
Denying the ticks of illusions
Explosive tears can't drain this longing
This sense of belonging
Take some more of my breath
Plus the hours I've spent pondering transitory periods
It's my curse and the curse of most women
Holding onto fairytales
From childhood dreams
Of princesses and thieves
My hearts been stolen from my sleeve
and hung out to bleed
Watch as the blood hits my paper
and savor your conquer
As I wonder aimlessly  
Aging painfully