I got off the bus near the school I used to go to,
It’s dark and run-down walls, now made perfect,
Painted as a woman, right before a night out.
I put my hands in my large coat pockets,
Strutting through the school front courtyard,
Noticing the parents picking up their sunshine’s.
She stood there, in her worn-down clothes,
With large bags under her eyes,
Her one knee buckled, her one hand on her cane.
She stood there, waiting for her little boy.
He came running to her side, with his messy blond hair,
A large, compassionate smile, carrying the wonder of a child…
I saw them exchange their admiration,
Her hand cupping his chin, asking about his day,
Yet the boy only hugged her and frowned,
Keeping his heavy bag on his right shoulder,
Making him lean slightly to the right like the tower of Pisa…
The woman, her hand stroking the young boy’s cheek,
Looked worried and distressed, quickly muttering:
“Smile Henry…Why don’t you ever smile?”
And she smiled to show him how,
But it was the saddest smile he had ever seen…
He knew though. He knew how much that smile meant,
For that smile was the only reassurance that everything is alright,
That smile would make her forget her fears,
Her regrets and her failures, for that smile held her world…
He forced himself to smile, his muscles already aching,
As he tries to forget the bullies and narcissists.
They walked their way home, her movement slow and painful,
With every step she would let out a grunt and then a sigh,
Which let out all the weight from her lungs,
Only for her to breathe it back in as she stumbles.
She quickly reaches to his bag, taking it by the straps,
Smiling and throwing it on her shoulder.
The boy tries to say something, but she only smiles.
The boy knew though. Knew how much that meant to her.
For her to feel like she hadn’t abandoned him,
For her to feel needed and for her to validate herself.
And even though it pained him to see her like this,
He continued to smile and talk,
Just to forget that his world, is in her smile.

I run barefoot right to your door,
The air so sweet, I gulp and gasp for more,
My heart filled with flowers of gold,
Tickling my lungs with butterflies so pure…
I jump and dance, over the ponds on your sidewalk,
Laugh and sing of feelings I had for a lifetime,
My head feels like it’s about to pop off,
Hoping to tell the three words I had learned…
You greet me with a smile and nod,
No feel of affection or closeness at all…
You say “Evenin’” and greet me inside,
I stand barefoot and flustered then let out a sigh.
I try to speak but you just lay on the couch,
Looking at the ceiling and having no doubt,
You know you won’t dance with me in the night,
Nor will ours hearts will be intertwined.
I still laugh and tell you my tale,
Of how I learned the three words and yelled:
“I love you!” Now silence was still,
Buzzing in my ears and you finally stand straight,
You smile and nod, formal and just,
You pat my back and give me a tug,
You lead me outside and wish a good night,
I never felt so cold in my life.

As the mist settled in,
Covering the tall apartment buildings,
In a thick cloth of mystery and fear,
I wandered the streets, gazing towards the sky.
The few gleaming stars, guiding my path,
And I felt like Galileo, discovering something new,
Seeing something different than everyone else did.
My naked feet touching the cold pavements,
Shivering to the metallic and abandoned feeling,
Only stars and a slowly falling moon lighting my way…
My hand met yours, our fingers intertwined,
Sharing this moment together, still and yet ever-flowing…
One moment captured in time, still and pure,
Hanging about in my memory as I walk in the morning breeze,
The mist had now melted with the ground,
The moon replaced by the rising sun and the stars with clouds,
Forming shapes that no one truly appreciated.
I couldn’t feel the cold pavement anymore,
As shoes covered my feet, as if a wall between worlds,
No more stars to follow, only signs and walked paths…
I passed by you several times, but you didn’t notice.
Most likely starring at something else or maybe I wasn’t your special moment,
The moment that you cherished and remembered…
I walked such paths for hours, trying to linger somewhere,
Attach myself to someone or something,
Yet I am never anyone’s secret moment, no one’s stop in time,
No one looks at me like a child looks at the stars,
Nor will anyone feel happy like Galileo who wandered the heavens…
I continued to walk towards my destination,
Getting lost in the oceans of people that I could not navigate…

If I ever have a son,
I will insist on him calling me Plan B.
Knowing that if everything else fails,
He can always look to me.
And he will know,
That no matter what,
I will stand by his side,
With my hand on his shoulder,
Tightly holding him in place
And forever grounding him to earth.
I will paint the entire solar system on his hand,
So, he can always find his way back home.
And I will teach him that life will hit hard.
Life will punch you in the face,
Uppercut you in the jaw,
Not wait for you to stand up
Before kicking you in the stomach.
But getting the wind knocked out of you,
Is the only way for your lungs to understand
How much they like breathing.
I will teach my son to not build walls,
Not raise his fist in defiance to opportunity,
But to spread his arms and be ready,
Ready for the pain, the suffering,
All the misery that will fall into his arms,
Leaving blisters and agony on them
But with all that, he will catch beauty.
Beauty of the seasons,
Of leaves falling and twirling in the sunlight,
The beauty in laughter and smiles,
The understanding that all bad serves purpose,
It’s there for us to see the light.
The light that I will shine to him
So, he can always find the right thing to do.
If I ever have a son,
I will make sure that I am there,
When he realizes that superman isn’t coming,
I will make sure he knows,
That he doesn’t have to wear a cape by himself,
That no matter how far he stretches his fingers,
He won’t catch every single problem in his hands.
And that no matter what, I will wait for him to come home,
Having cookies and a raincoat ready for him,
Because there is nothing a cookie can’t solve.
And for those problems that he cannot solve with sweets,
I will put the raincoat on his shoulders and let the rain wash away,
The tears, the sadness and stress,
Leaving only the formations of clouds,
A rainbow and the glistening road to success.
If I ever have a son,
I will tell him what my ancestors taught me,
To be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud,
To shine and smile with all the heart he can muster.
And whenever he will raise his nose up in the air,
I will look at him and tell him clearly:
“I know that look, I know what you are smelling for,
Only smelling the smoke of a burning house,
That you will check and find those that lost their home to save them,
And if not that, you will find the person that caused the flame
And do everything you can to change them.”
I know he will do so anyway,
No matter what I tell him,
And I will only wait with blankets and chocolate.
I will tell him, my son,
“No baby. There are things,
That love, and words won’t heal nor mend,
Believe me I tried.”
But I know he will smile and continue as is,
Having the heart to carry on,
To soak in life to the fullest.
If I ever have a son,
He will be the star in starting over,
The wave in the ocean of life,
The sprinkle of sunshine on someone else’s cake.
If I ever have a son,
He will stand tall and proud,
Knowing that nothing is impossible,
That his mind and his will
Are the tools that he will use to climb
To climb the stumps, the hills and mountains,
He will reach for the skies and jump whenever he can,
Knowing that his story is his own.
If I have a son,
When the land will call to me,
And most will have forgotten my name,
He will place a hand on my shoulder,
Grip it tightly and tell me:
“Don’t worry father. I will always have your back.”

Murderer

I am a liar, you know?
I lie constantly.
Every single word, though tasting of honey,
Is foul in its pure nature.
Even with the sweetest words,
I am repeatedly deceiving you.

I hate lying to friends.
But I fear of those friends,
Suddenly becoming acquittances
And I would be left to drift into nothing
Swallowed by my own mouth.

Hello! I’m a compulsive liar.
Yes. Compulsive to a point,
Where I shall lie not just for survival,
But for safety, comfort and joy.
But you won’t even know,
Mainly because I already started lying.

Even my hello is probably laced with something,
Poison that makes me cough up my heart,
Filling my lungs with words I regret.
But we are still friends!
And that is good. Even though…
I could be lying about that too.

Lies don’t even have beginnings or endings.
They are eternal and ever-flavourful!
Sitting in my stomach as if a parasite,
Dining on my ability to smile and not feel it,
Say things that I didn’t really mean it,
And yet. You don’t see it.

Maybe for the best!
Because if my mouth spilled the truth,
That I keep closed with my teeth,
You might think you didn’t know me.
The ME that never stopped lying,
With the fear to lose all.

It’s hard to lie about a ******.
To commit such a foul crime,
On someone I knew best – myself.
But I cover it up well,
With few jokes about rainbows
And talks of girls and bars.