Paul Feb 28
I’m so heavy, too heavy, still dragged on the floor.
My thoughts wriggling, sickening in my mind,
That I call the rotting corpse – decayed and rusted.
Every single cell, more disgusting than the next.
I want to wash away these sins, scrub myself clean.
Hot water? Holy water? I don’t feel the burn anymore.
Like a dead corpse, laying around naked and torn.
What choices can I make while lying dead on the floor?
Forgotten and old, my coffin already caving in on my soul…
Worms, sickening old worms, trying to collapse me for what I told,
But my Goliath was stronger and more righteous that others foretold,
As I lack David and the God that helped him turn the tides of war.
Corinthians said that bad company corrupts good souls,
Yet how can you know a good soul when you wounded yourself,
Beyond the understanding of life and death.
I shall forgive and forget, like Matthew once told,
Maybe then I shall grant rest for my rotting soul?
Repentance and penance – the pillars that shall hold me now.
Without faith, without God, it’s just me and my thought clouds.
Maybe a prayer? To those that shall listen,
Being right – is not easily forgiven.
Paul Feb 17
How about we turn implicit to simplistic?
A small sudden change in our pas de deux.
It’s French. An elegant step of two,
Though we almost ended up wearing the same shoes…
Folie a deux. Madness of two.
Our madness, as our hearts beat in tune.
Tik tok. Tik tok. Like a clock.
Counting the time to our starting off.
Tu me rends fou. You drive me insane.
You make me want to jump, swim or scream your name!
Let’s dance, my L' amour! In the moonlight like gods,
Beethoven’s sonata, performed by Euterpe,
The muse of music and arts! Just for us, the Olympian gods.
Tik tok. Tik tok. My heart is about to stop.
A day? A month? A year or two…
I will not stop loving you.
My dear, my love, my sweet un copain,
I love you, I treasure you, please drive me insane.
Let the grandfather clock, stop the passing of time!
I want you forever, handsome, young knight...
My love, my fire,
That will burn away the night.
Let’s dance! Again. Let me feel you close once more.
Performing our twirls, never dreaming of a stop.
For someone I love <3
Paul Dec 2017
Echoes of voices, long forgotten and lost.
Travel in my mind, looking for things that were put off.
One speaks in a low yet appealing, dark, sickening tone,
Telling of my wrongs, the foolishness of my choice.

His amused grin, red glowing eyes,
Look into my soul, my brain and my thighs.
Telling how disgusting, how hideous I look today.
Even when I was sure, I was almost an eight.

The other one laughs. Quite cheerful this day.
He smiles, he loves, he makes the bad voice go away…
His tone confident and willing, strong and quite nice to hear.
Reassuring my decision, telling me it is beyond fair.

I listen to the two, loud in my brain.
Yelling, bickering, both telling me I am insane.
“You must pick a side! Pick or drown in disease!”
I listen to the two with quite fair ease.

Amusing that is, I sit quite confused.
No voices, no logic, just a visit from a muse.
Torn between sides, one right and one wrong.
To pick or to drown? Guess that is my choice.
I find it quite difficult to pick a side or to make a choice or set off on some path in life. Life doesn't seem to have a good choice, it only has bad choices and the choices that are a bit better than the bad ones.
Paul Dec 2017
I breathe. Fast. Black. Panic sets in.
Beautiful as the world starts caving in.
The dark birds throwing, a shadow my way,
Predicting a future, filled with dismay.

I see. Shining. Light. Peace comes this day.
The eyes of the one - looking my way.
Does it know that I’m starring?
Those eyes I believe, the smile, the thought. I start to bleed.

I feel. Plenty. Warm. Can it be enough?
To stop the panic, to stop the rust?
My knees are too heavy, breathing is hard.
It gives me its lung, I am more than I thought.

I live. Long. Bright. I think this is it.
No dark birds, no walls crumbling in.
My heart is now beating, so potent, so strong.
The futures great ocean, I start to shrug off.
Paul Dec 2017
I hear a crow, sending it's plea,
The winter has come, the time is to flee.
Cold mothers hands, will rip off its wings,
Life must now hide under a layer of Winters skin.

I remember the warmth of Summers embrace,
The smell and the feeling, the Spring would place.
The beauty of color, the sympthony of trees,
The howling of Autum as it regretfully leaves.

Now like that crow, I sit in the snow.
So open, so cold, I've forgotten my home.
My wings - frozen shut, feathers stripped away,
Waiting for another cold mothers embrace.
As everything becomes cold and white, momments where I could just sit back and relax become more and more rare.
Paul Dec 2017
Dorothy once said:
“There’s no place like home!”
Where family waits, where we don’t feel alone.
Maybe she’s right,
On the subject at hand,
Yet I feel out of touch, too naïve too understand.
I remember the monsters,
Under my bed.
No comfort, protection, bad ideas in my head.
My guardian angel,
Cold and upset.
She now nods to the one, who carries my regrets.
No tornado, no monkeys,
No witches with brooms.
It’s just me in my home, dining with the king that rules.
We say that we can't pick family, but must family be only decided by blood?
Paul Oct 2017
I tripped over.
I felt in my heart.
I started to love.
Made me complete.
Made things stop bleed.
Made me jump over walls.
Pushed mountains to make things stop.

Now time passed and everything changed,
The distance, the difference the things in my brain.
They changed both of us, after one year together.

Are the person, I won’t get over in forever.
"Watch how a cold broken teen, Will desperately lean upon a superglued human of proof" - doodie in her song "Sick of Losing Soulmates". Glad I found my soulmate. Also, I say soulmate as in good friend, still looking for theo ther kind of soulmate :P
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