Zach: Poems

Feb 2018 · 364

A thousand words

Zach Feb 2018

A thousand words

If a picture is worth
a thousand words
those of you are
a college thesis paper
And the Illiad rolled
into one

Feb 2018 · 132

Holding back

Zach Feb 2018

Holding back

Sometimes I wish I had no self restraint, no self control.

Just give myself over to my inner emotions

Say that thing that's been aching on my mind for too long

Tell them that enough is enough

Stand up for the friend that doesn't think they're worth it

Just get in a car and drive to my destination

Just fly away from this problem

I wish I could have confessed sooner

I wish I knew where I stood in your eyes

I wish I could just reach into your mind and get a glimpse without actually having to ask and possibly not like the answer

Sometimes you have to do things you wish you couldn't normally do

Sometimes you have to not do things you wish you could do

Jan 2018 · 132

Not Like Them

Zach Jan 2018

Not Like Them

My parents are an interesting couple.

I don't know all there is to know about their own childhood

I don't know if they went wrong somewhere or if I was doomed from the start

It's hard to be mad at them, but I am sometimes

I wish I could just scream and shout

But I can't

I'm mad, and my head is divided on if I'm allowed to be mad

Am i justified or not

Am I really just overreacting

Am I just a brooding teenager who's "addicted" to his laptop

Should I have never made some of the friends I have

Am I wrong for doing what I do

I.. I..

I don't know anymore

This was supposed to be on how I would raise my own kids differently

I wish I would just write about that instead

But no, my parents probably raised me fine, and this is my fault for getting so worked up

I don't cry when I get upset. I just tuck it away and I get angry

I feel like being angry at your parents is just for edgy kids, well what's wrong with that. Why do children have to constantly obey and fit into the status quo

I don't want to waste my parent's money on a therapist

But maybe I need one

Maybe what's ******* with my head is why I'm failing in school, or failing at life in general

I want to quit writing but I don't want to just end suddenly without a resolution-esque ending

I doubt I'll ever have kids of my own at my current rate.

Maybe that's because my spouse and I won't be able to have them

Or just not want them

Who knows

I'm only a child who doesn't know any better but I'm also an adult who should.

Jan 2018 · 94

One Thing

Zach Jan 2018

One Thing

Some days...

Some days I just don't feel happy

Maybe it starts when I wake up, and my stomach is giving me pain for reasons I can't explain

Maybe it's the kid in my chemistry class insulting me for not understanding the material

Maybe it's that I'm not doing well in some of my classes

Maybe it's because sometimes I still feel alone even when I'm probably surrounded by my friends and family

But I can't let them see this side of me

I'll be okay. My future... it will turn out fine right?

Jan 2018 · 371

Can't stop

Zach Jan 2018

Can't stop

I can't stop thinking of you

and that beautiful face,

with the prettiest eyes I've ever laid my own upon.

I can't stop thinking of you

and your voice that just takes me straight to heaven

while I can hardly do much else but type.

I can't stop thinking of you

and that personality that I can't get enough of,

The humor is endless and the beauty I see goes on forever

It's like meeting your best friend for the first time and having that moment of the best joy you've ever felt,

Except with you I have that feeling everday

I can't stop thinking of you,

I like having you in my thoughts

I can keep you safe there for now, at least until I can hold you in my arms for real

I can't stop thinking of you....

And I don't ever want to stop

When I say I can't talk and I have to type, My headset is broken.

Jan 2018 · 101

Waiting for that One

Zach Jan 2018

Waiting for that One

I like to believe there's someone out there in this gigantic world of people for everyone, you may not find them right away, it may be many decades before you even meet them for the first time

I think I met mine at 16.

Strong, beautiful, yet selfish and needy

I love everything about her.

She's precious to me and I want to protect her and keep her safe from all the evils life has to throw at us

I heard a song recently the reverberated so deeply within me that I listened to it on repeat for what felt like hours just thinking of her

Which, if I'm being honest, happens all day, every day

Some people don't know if they'll ever truly find their other half

Trust me, it'll happen.... and you'll know exactly when it does

Find someone who's another reason you love life, someone who makes you happy by just being themselves, not putting on a facade just to impress you.

Find someone who doesn't even have to be in the same state as you for you to be so occupied with her in your thoughts

I think I found her

Jan 2018 · 168

Nature

Zach Jan 2018

Nature

My life is like a plant, it takes a while to grow and reach its full potential

I need water, I need sunlight, It helps if I have those to care for me, but sometimes I'm alright on my own

I'm fragile like a plant sometimes, not sure where the wind will take me.

I take root in my values, hold them deep within my heart

But it only takes one strong pull of a violent tug to throw me for a loop

Jan 2018 · 182

It's nice to be wanted

Zach Jan 2018

It's nice to be wanted

As the title says, it is nice to be be wanted.

To have a group of friends that want you to hang out with them,

but at times you feel a little stressed

When you find another group as well wanting you to hang out with them

It's nice to be wanted.

Jan 2018 · 269

Noob

Zach Jan 2018

Noob

A noob is a term used in video games to describe someone who is new and bad at the game.

In some aspects, life is a game

And I'm the biggest noob at it.

See, I'm not that new to life. Been at this gig for 17 years and going.

But I lack a lot of experience.

See, if you imagine life as a video game, as you grow there are a lot of skills you can learn if you invest the time in learning them

Well..... I didn't invest in learning how to love.

I've just never thought I would actually get to.

Jan 2018 · 253

A day with you

Zach Jan 2018

A day with you

Each and every day I wake up with you on my mind

I wish you a good morning and tell you a daily reminder that you're beautiful and I love you

I know you won't be able to respond until much time has passed, but I can wait.

Time is but a tool I'll use in my favor

Time is for mistakes to heal, choices to be reconsidered, thoughts to be gathered.

I'll see you later and ask how you are, how was your day, and I don't always get the same response, but either way

I'm glad I can still talk to you at all

While some things are fleeting, I hope this is forever

Whether we're hanging out with a group or just the two of us, I may not show it, but I'm loving every second

If only we weren't just voices and faces heard and seen from a monitor

Jan 2018 · 194

Determination

Zach Jan 2018

Determination

If you asked me late last night, I'd think things are hopeless

If you asked me an hour ago, I could still be easily persuaded as such

If you asked me 5 minutes ago...

I'd tell you that I'm more sure of myself and my decisions

If you asked me now...

I'd tell you I've never been more sure of anything in my life

I refuse to let this happen again, I will fight to make it happen and I will not give up till an exact conclusion is made

Either we are

Or we aren't

#love #determination #doubt #renewal #strength

Jan 2018 · 141

Love

Zach Jan 2018

Love

When I grow attached to someone, there's a chance I may come to love them

You'll know when you truly are in love with someone when you see just faintest smile on their lips and you feel the warmth of a sun's strongest hug binding you to them

Jan 2018 · 79

My last day

Zach Jan 2018

My last day

Someday I'll be elderly and sickly

Someday I know I won't have much longer left

Only then will I be more sure of anything in my entire life

I want to look the woman I love in her beautiful eyes, smile and reminisce about our youth

I want to tell my children one last piece of advice for their own kids, because I want them to succeed where I fail

I want to pet my loving pet who stayed by me for so long

I want to call my longtime best friend and thank them for all that they've done

I don't want to die. It is a scary thought

However nothing is forever, unless we're talking about my love for all things that made me the man I am.

Jan 2018 · 95

Don't

Zach Jan 2018

Don't

I don't want to hear that I will.

I want to see me doing it

I don't want to hear that I'll get through this

I just want it to be over

I don't want to be in the dark

I may as well go into the light

Jan 2018 · 103

Minefield

Zach Jan 2018

Minefield

My mind is like a minefield

Certain things are like explosions, setting me off

Others are calm and peaceful, laughable and joyous

Watch where you step

Inspired by my new bio.

Jan 2018 · 101

Time Travel

Zach Jan 2018

Time Travel

If I could go back, I'd change a lot of things

I'd make sure I passed all my classes

I'd make sure I don't get distracted by all of the little things

I'd get better at my routines

I'd prevent the mistake that ruined many aspects

I'd take a stab in drab, the darkness is my guide through this blinding light of life, I can't see ahead, I try yet I can't even get.

Instead of going back, Why not go forward, forgetting everything

Jan 2018 · 78

This night is not my night

Zach Jan 2018

This night is not my night

I stand at the throne of my kingdom

Thousands count upon me for many things, I only count upon you

I have no heir, I have no wife, for it is the jester that has the knife

Carving a way into the light that only I could see, perhaps that simple pauper is actually me

Jan 2018 · 257

Tree

Zach Jan 2018

Tree

I wish life
were as simple
as this poem
Short
and
sweet

The poem makes a tree shape

#anger #confusion #overthinking #contentment

Jan 2018 · 89

Currency

Zach Jan 2018

Currency

If love was a currency, I'd be in the top one percent

If loneliness was a currency, I'd be an ever changing stock market broker, constantly fluctuating between being at the bottom and the top

If my feelings were a currency, only one person would be rich because they seem to have control over them all

Jan 2018 · 122

Honesty

Zach Jan 2018

Honesty

I wish my feelings weren't just toys in your child's playset

I'm honestly dedicated to this goal, but your goals may not match mine

I'm worried this feeling might be allowed to grow,

Will I make to your next show?

Jan 2018 · 82

Guessing

Zach Jan 2018

Guessing

You always leave me guessing what your true intentions are.

Sometimes I love it

Other times, not so much

I'm not able to even think straight at this rate I'll just act like I'm 8 and full of hate can't escape this thunderous roar of feelings, quite concealing whether I'll get to the road that leads to you

Jan 2018 · 274

Serenity

Zach Jan 2018

Serenity

There aren't a lot of ways I can't describe when I'm with you, those few ways are special, passionate and incredibly loving, it just wouldn't be right if I gave you anything less

I'd consider you to be the ultimate swindler, because you didn't just steal my heart..

You convinced me to take it right out of my body and hand it to you because you'd treat it right.

You're the epitome of beauty. I have to find new words just to describe you because they just aren't enough strong enough ones to describe how I feel

My mind frequently, no constantly bounces from thought to thought. Somehow they always land right back at you

This is for you, and only you

#love

Jan 2018 · 76

The Aches of life

Zach Jan 2018

The Aches of life

"If it's meant to be, it'll be"

The quote infers that of a lifestyle often seen in those who are carefree and joyful

I wish I had those traits

I almost wish I could force things to go a certain path

This hurts, but it'll be okay. I'm fine.

I'll just be forever desperate for the contact I desire

Jan 2018 · 94

Forever Unfinished

Zach Jan 2018

Forever Unfinished

The words I spend the most time writing, never actually appear before the eyes of anyone besides my own

I have to write them, but they won't be said

They reveal the side of me I hate

The side that is scared

The side that is selfish

The side that wishes it could be free.

I will bring these chains on my back as long as I go

Jan 2018 · 101

Sceaming Sounds

Zach Jan 2018

Sceaming Sounds

The sounds echo, louder and louder every passing second

I hear screams of regret

Screams of pain

Screams of fear

Screams of rage

Why do I have to be so confused, It seems I just can't be calm, I need to let these mental drums beat loudly for all to hear, if only I could just say it

Jan 2018 · 138

How can I say this

Zach Jan 2018

How can I say this

I wish I could make you see the world as I do, see my intentions to the letter, my passion flaming high

I wish you understood that I'm sorry if I ever made you feel uncomfortable,

I blame my lack of knowledge

I blame that I don't know which of the thousands upon thousands of words in my vocabulary to choose from that will make you feel at ease

I blame myself for being who I am

What do I have to change to be better

Jan 2018 · 137

Who am I to feel this way

Zach Jan 2018

Who am I to feel this way

I'm not someone who can give you everything you could ever ask for

I'm not someone who's educated enough to know all the answers

I'm not even someone who follows their own advice

I'm nobody really, just another leaf in the tree of life

Jan 2018 · 153

If I joined the military

Zach Jan 2018

If I joined the military

I've never let the thought of going into the military get too far in my mind, it is a serious commitment, but depending on how my life turns out I may just need that

The military teaches you many things,
And being weak isn't one of them.

You have to be strong, both physically and mentally, You are the wall upon which the enemy falls

You have to be smart, both in the words of a book and the words used in the common street

I like to think I'd meet lifelong friends in the military if I joined, friends I know will have my back and protect my life as I do theirs

Although I don't think of this is a first choice, I want to be able to have a calm life, not one stuck in a trench seeing bullets fly overhead from insurgents, maybe I'll do something technical, get a degree even.

Who knows, I'm young so I have time.

Jan 2018 · 864

vent

Zach Jan 2018

vent

I write to say what I wish I could say without actually saying it

I write because my day was horrible and this helps me feel better

I write because I need to express my feelings in other ways

I write because I'm excited about an event coming up in my life

I write because I'm madly in love and I don't know what to do

I write because I don't know what I'll do without my sanity.

Jan 2018 · 144

Advice

Zach Jan 2018

Advice

I wish I could ask my friends for advice on a topic that boggles my mind, but I don't want them to see the stress I'm under

I wish my I could see my friends tell me exactly what to do, without knowing what I'm doing

How do I go on about this, I'm so worried I'll mess it up. I need to take

One

Two

Three

Quick breaths to keep calm. I'll figure this out somehow

Jan 2018 · 75

My life in 10 years

Zach Jan 2018

My life in 10 years

The future is a scary thing. It's unpredictable in every way imaginable. You can try and guess what will happen, but there are never any assurances.

I heard once that courage and fear are just how you react in the face of danger, will you allow what's facing you to overcome you? Or will you be the one standing on top when the dust settles

Every young person wants to have a successful life. They all have wants and needs, for me that's a lot of stuff

Most importantly to me is that I someday meet the girl that's special to me, someone who can support me through anything, someone that I can support through anything, my best friend and girl of my dreams, maybe I've already met her... maybe I haven't. I won't know until I finally marry her and give a sigh of relief that someone truly loves me

I also want kids eventually, I don't know how many, and I don't care if its a boy or a girl, but someone I can pass on what I've learned in life, I can see the succeed and fail and help and support them it all

I want a good job, I want to go to college and get a degree, I struggle now but maybe there's a me out there that doesn't

I want to grow old with my wife, raise a child with pride and happiness, I want to get paid doing what I love, but who knows if that'll all happen.

Maybe I'll just never be able to find that special someone..

Maybe I won't ever have kids of my own with the woman I love,

Maybe I'll just barely graduate high school, because I'm not all that smart

Well. That got depressing fast didn't it. The point is you don't need to worry my friends, life goes by at different paces for different people. Be someone who makes every second count

Jan 2018 · 85

What is this feeling

Zach Jan 2018

What is this feeling

I knew I liked you, I had for some time,

But this beating in my heart, this throbbing in my head, it's just so much more then that

Long ago I had a chance and blew it, that haunts me on a daily, hourly basis, sometimes not my mind won't allow even a minute go by without reminding me of my ***** up.

What if I could rectify my mistake,

Every day I wake up to wish you a good morning because I'm worried that maybe one day you won't respond

All I want is to love and to hold you, I'm a better me then I was, I'm not the same old person I used to be, I've changed for the better and I've come to just see you in such a way that it takes me hours to type a few sentences describing them

Sometimes it makes me want to scream in agony because of the restrictions life has put on me from being able to do as I wish, but these restrictions won't last forever

I just hope I can convince you that I'll be fine. It's just hard for me to get a clear answer when I'm asking what's beyond an impenetrable fog. I don't know what lies in my future, but I'll be ****** if I allow a future without you.

I know that when you tease me that you care and are joking, I love that sense of humor you can invoke, I love that sometimes you aren't sure of yourself because it gives me the chance to remind you that I'll be supporting you no matter what

My own thoughts are distracted with my constant feelings as to why I fell for you, I wonder about yours.

You could say this is a continuation of my poem "Addiction"

Jan 2018 · 78

Stepping Stones

Zach Jan 2018

Stepping Stones

Okay, I dragged myself out this far, but what will be next for me?

Do I keep trying on this path I've followed for so long?

Do I start anew and look for the fresh and exciting of the beyond?

What will be next for those still seeking answers?

Maybe there isn't an answer to the question you have, or maybe that road you're following eventually leads to a dead end.

Regardless of how you go, many of us just end up at the same destination

So take pride in your own path, because others may not have that luxury

Jan 2018 · 100

I wish I had a clone

Zach Jan 2018

I wish I had a clone

If I had a clone, he'd get how I'm feeling all the time, and I wouldn't struggle to put my feelings and thoughts into words

I like to think that someone like that is rarely found in life, and you need to cherish them when you do

If I had a clone, I'd be able to get a constant sense of reassurance,

"Stop stressing, you're doing fine"

Sometimes you have to be your own best friend, and that's okay

Jan 2018 · 80

Selfish

Zach Jan 2018

Selfish

I wish I could be selfish

I want this, I want that, but no go ahead. I'm fine without it so you can take it.

Sure I'll help you with this, but I want something in return

This has to be vague or it'll give it away I say.

I want more then this and that, I want you, and I feel like I need you, but I can't be selfish enough to try and get that, I just have to be subtle about it and always act like I didn't really want that. It is okay. They can have it.

Jan 2018 · 117

Darkness

Zach Jan 2018

Darkness

I normally get a decent amount of sleep, but lately that isn't the case.

I could say it is because my brother is loud when he plays his videogames late into the night, but I know how to tune him out

I could say it is because I'm hungry from not eating enough, but I ate enough at dinner.

The biggest problem keeping me awake, is also the quietest.

My thoughts may be silent to others, are booming to me, my doubts and my fears materialise before my eye.

Why haven't you gotten this?

When will you do this thing that drags at you?

The darkness is warmth, it is peace and quiet and I can rest away my troubles, but my mind's voice refuses to let me slip away into the night to rest

Jan 2018 · 75

New Year, Same Me

Zach Jan 2018

New Year, Same Me

It is easy to make goals, easy to want change, however getting that change can be a task most daunting

I'd tell myself I want to work out more, but I don't have that kind of time when I need to get a job

I'd tell myself I need to get a job, but I'm worried it would affect my school too greatly

I'd tell myself I want good grades, but I'm worried I'm not smart or capable enough to do that

I'd tell myself I want a girlfriend, but I know that I don't know how I'll make that happen.

Years are not a new thing, after all they're an annual thing, but I don't have a new me every year that doesn't have the memories of before, and is innocent. I'm just the same me with the same goals that I'm scared I won't achieve for yet another year

Jan 2018 · 289

Addiction

Zach Jan 2018

Addiction

If you asked me what addiction meant to me, My mind would first go to maybe some drug, or a junk food, people get addicted to those, but

I'm really just addicted to you

I'd say I can't explain how I really feel, but I've actually tried to do it several times.

Your smile is something I'd like to wake up to on a calm summer's day

However I know that it's just me that feels this way

Is there even a way to really find myself,

If I'm still trying to find you

Dec 2017 · 212

Language

Zach Dec 2017

Language

The art of speaking another language then your own is quite the challenge, everyone grows up watching Dora the Explorer speak spanish to us, there were other shows for other languages,

But it never impacted many of us, at least not me. If I could, I'd learn as many languages as I could, to speak with others across the world, or across my yard with the recently immigrated neighbors.

I love Spanish because I just think it is a beautiful language, even with the insane amount of irregular verbs

He loves French because its part of his heritage, I'll tease him with my lack of it, but in reality I am just wanting to learn as well

She loves German because of how the words just seem to flow together, just how nice a single sentence could sound

We all have our reasons, but its not just a why we learn a language, it opens a whole new world of communication and media.

Dec 2017 · 184

Don't Apologize

Zach Dec 2017

Don't Apologize

I don't always know what to say,
But please don't apologize to me
You did nothing wrong
Yet you're in such pain

I know that you're above this,
Please don't apologize
You don't ever need to justify yourself to me.

Please, just understand I'm here and that you aren't alone

Don't apologize to me, when it feels like I'm the one who wronged

I understand

Dec 2017 · 240

For a friend

Zach Dec 2017

For a friend

You wouldn't go out of your way to make a random person on the street happy

For a friend like them, you'd spend the entire year devoted to making them feel happier

Would you put off other important things in your life for a stranger's needs?

For her, you would in a heartbeat

Would you try and give your advice, even though you knew next to nothing on the topic?

For your best friend, you'd try your best and wish them well

Why do we devote all this to a friend?

......

Because a friend would do it for you

Dec 2017 · 151

Around Her

Zach Dec 2017

Around Her

Around friends, you're cool and confident

Around her, you're unsure of what to say

Around your best friend of 7 years, you know exactly how to make them smile

Around her, you just have to be there for her... even when you don't know how to begin helping her

Around a large group of people, you're able to make friends fast and get to know them

Around her, you struggle to ask her what she likes to do.

Why do you act so differently when you're

Around her.

You're nervous, its okay.

Around her, you feel happy

Around your friends, you can't talk to them about your deep feelings and desires.

Around her, you'd share everything

When you're around her, she is your everything

— The End —