Fight your own **** battles

Don't send your little army after me

Those you've manipulated before me

Those that'll suffer the same fate as me.

Fight your own **** battles

Be the adult you wish you could be.

At first I pushed her away, avoided her.

The actions she did unforgivable

Time would heal my pain

That was not the case.

Letting my hurt fester and grow

Making me someone I hate

I needed to vent

I let out the steam billowing up inside me

I relaxed

I apologized

I am one of tranquility

I am one of hypocrisy

I am.

Sorry.

I remember talking to them

I remember making them laugh, and smile.

I hope they're doing alright.

I don't know if they think about me.

I'm worried if I talk to them

It'll be opening old wounds

I feel..... Relieved.

I think.


I feel as if this weight has been lifted of my shoulders.

Although, this invisible divide is still there slightly. Unsure of whether if it wants to leave my mind

I guess I'll just see where it goes, if it goes anywhere at all.

Hopefully it won't just remain there forever

Another smash of my glass house

Another set back

Another realization

Another worry

Over 2 small things

Small to them

Do I even have the right to be upset

Do I have the right to feel the way I do

I want you to have happiness so I sacrificed my own

And now I'm at this all time low

I'm just hurt, confused, and tired.

I thought we'd be fine, but you're going to be petty and annoying about it.

You're going to be ever the child.

You ignore me every where else but here maybe.

I should thank you for all the frustration I get from you

You wanna be like this? Fine


I've tried to remain nice but if you're gonna be true to your name. Then so be it.

Not a huh?

But just a

huh.

I read that

Don't know what to do bout' that

Can't say much on that

Wishing you the best

Can't comprehend it all

Huh

I'm nervous but also like

I'm woah **** I'm excited

But I'm calm and collected

Although I'm also like

Losing my ****, is this really happening?

I can't wait

I figuratively can't wait

I literally have to wait

I'm a bit worried, I'll admit

Today wasn't all that compared to other days but any day with you is a good one

So it's almost time

Optimistically you'll be mine

On top of that, no flip of a dime

Now, it's just our rhyme

I only have patience for you

There's nothing I wouldn't do

Don't let things get askew

My heart belongs with you

She gave me a chance after no one else would

She gave me a chance when I thought nobody could

It's in my grasp and I can almost taste it

I feel like love is like a sword, not a double edged one, just a regular one.

You start off grasping the handle, but you drop it over and over, each time it falls with the blade facing you. You have to pick it up every time, cutting yourself another scar of failure, each one getting more painful then the one prior.

Sometimes you think it will land with the hilt facing you.

The only real question isn't how it lands. It's that you have to realize you can easily just pick it up by the handle, it's a lot harder and not as easy as grabbing it by the blade, but it's always been option. You just have to realize it's there

Words left unspoken

Awkward silences from brash feelings

Are you okay?

I hope you are

You told me you could take it

I didn't believe you

You said I was a liar

I didn't believe you

You said I was unaffected

I didn't believe you


You told me you were sorry.

Are you really though

I've never done a lot of things in my life.

I've never had seafood, because it doesn't seem all that good

I've never had a first kiss, because I could never find the one then

I've never had....





"It's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all"

That's a horrible phrase. Because either are horrible

All it takes for some is a single blot of doubt to make me want to scream

I ignored it for as long as I could but I can't any longer

It feels as if the path I'm taking may seem right to me, it is a corrosive acid that destroys what I hold most dear and if it doesn't get the thing it wants it will ruin me

Why won't the rain clouds go away?

I hope I never have to publish this, I'm only writing this to vent, but if you see this poem then know I'll be fine. I just need time to accept all that's happened. May take a day, a week, month, or maybe months. However I'll bounce back. I usually do.

Every boy grows up and is told that a real man works out, a real man has a six pack and is muscular

They don't tell you of how really tough that journey is to get there

Everyone has their own reasons

Maybe it's to impress that girl

Maybe it's to boost your self esteem

Maybe it's so you won't be the little guy anymore

Maybe it's all that and more

You spend the hours doing work that brings pain and aches later on and you never want to do it again

Why do I have to be the only one alone

No I don't mean that I don't have friends or family.

I mean why does my brain make meeting someone special and being in a relationship with them such a concept that I can't grasp

Why do my hands and mouth slip at the chances I get, why do I hesitate until too late and my chance is foiled by none other then myself

I've had a long day, seems to be an even longer night

Dealing with you, but not you

I'm actually dealing with all of them

I'm actually also dealing things other then you

I'm dealing not drugs, but death sentences if I can't fix myself onto the track I'm just going to derail myself of later anyway

Late

Night

Head

Banging

Against

The

Wall

Why are they all here now, when it was just going to be the two of us?







Forever

You think I don't

But I do

I'm just not

The same as you

I hate that thing

I that my mind is so focused on that, THAT. That of which I could end up horribly from

But I can't think of it being anything else but that

I don't see any other option then that, I just believe that, it's my key to happiness is to that.

What's your THAT

Mine is, well. Truth be told, it's just, THAT.

It's about a girl again, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah it is.

Is she different from the rest?

Yeah, yeah she is.

Does she know?

Funny enough, yeah she does.

Welp, here's to a different one

Yeah, yeah it will be

Welp, I'm a senior now

Too bad I got one more year now

Too bad I got summer school

Too bad I got a summer job,

Well it ain't all that bad,

It's only just begun

My mind is like a race track, every thought trying to be the first to cross my mind

Will it be the one who's positive, the confident one, the one where everything is going to be alright, the one that makes me smile and determined to keep going forward

Will it be the one who's negative, through one saying that it won't turn out like I want it to. The one that gives me nightmares that I'm not enough

I don't know which thought will win the 17 year long race that's been going on in my life.

I can only hope that the truth will come forward, and that I'll be ready for it

Maybe someday, I'll be in downtown New York, a coffee shop in the underground,

Where all the poets, artists and rejects of society can come together as one

Maybe I'll have learned that instrument I've always wanted to learn

I'll play an old song from long ago about life's sorrows and sadnesses

You might walk in and see me, long forgotten until now, a one time deal you never thought you'd find again

Maybe we'd make the connection that our pathes were once heavily intertwined as some paths do

Maybe you won't recognize me, but I'll recognize you

I hate them.

They make me say that

They give me no other choice

I have no free will of my own in this home

I have no say in the matters that directly affect me

I'm just a viewer watching the TV about the boy who hates his parents

It's unhealthy, but who's fault is that?

The ones who get ****** at me because of the most minor of things, the ones who punish me over reasons that to be honest, aren't reasons in the slightest whatsoever and honestly it makes me want to scream

I have no control over this steering wheel that's driving my life

It's hitting bumps and crashing into every and all things bad

And I'm basically helpless to stop it

I have no control over my own life.

I wish I could cry.

I wish I could take back words that come from my head and mouth

I wish I could curl up into a ball, and maybe my future self could reassure me that maybe I still have a chance.

Just to know that even if I'm failing now, time and time again will I know nothing but failure, that I'll succeed once.

Just to hear that would keep me ease until then. I'd be able to keep my upbeat personality and charm people think I have up. Maybe I'd find it's actually real

But that won't happen

I won't ever know for sure until it happens

And that's not likely in my state





I wish I could cry

I wish I had a sister

I have enough brothers, 3 in fact.

I wish I had a sister to go to because she'd know exactly how to help me through certain situations,

I wish I had a sister because she knows how girls work and I just don't have a clue

I wish I had a sister because a family of basically all boys isn't a very emotional family.

I can't cry, not even if I tried

I just sit and ponder what's beyond this painful, this darkening, this overwhelming fear of what lies ahead

I wish I had a sister

I... I don't know what to call this

I'm too afraid to ask you where we stand because what if I don't like the answer

What if it never advances past this

I keep telling myself not to go too fast

But am I just not moving at all?

It's like a mixed bag of snacks, we all like to pick out the good moments and leave the bad ones inside

I don't know what will happen when I grab you from the bag