I might be insecure
and probably I am, but
why are you staring at me like that?
no that only you but you
and you and you and you and you...?
why is there no depth in your eyes?
the simplicity of your movements opposes the movement you make with your eyes
why go through all that trouble staring at me?
am I mystical or something?
do you see something that I didn't notice about myself?
If you do please don't hesitate to ask a question
I won't bite
please as all I see in your eyes is no remorse

I was sitting on a sidewalk while people were passing right by me
all giving me weird stares
maybe because of my race
my mischievous smile
the black clothes that I'm wearing
or maybe the uncomfortable presence I bring
So with my insecure ways I bring a newspaper on my race, pretending to read
and made a wish

when the newspaper went down I only saw a bunch of people just like me  
passing by, all staring at me weirdly
but when I check to see my hands it wasn't me
It was somebody else
well it was somebody per each second
and as I began to constantly change form I got up and join the passing crowd
they parted away from me , but I don't care
because now everybody knows how it feels to be me
to be stare at with no remorse.

today I was on god's hand
his touch was electrifying, but comfortable
and I was the happiest person alive
when I look down from it's hands I saw the Earth
"****, we are really that high in the sky" I said
But then something happen
people started climbing on God
I was shocked and God was surprised and happy.
Eventually all the humans from Earth was in God's hand
and everybody including me trusted god.
and God was okay with that

the peace among the humans didn't last
fights began to erupt on god's hands
people kicking and fighting, people being trampled by feet, spitting, pulling hair, crying. We were lucky that there was no weapons.
God was obviously displease,
but he can't step in yet
I was in the corner of gods hand when somebody came over to me and punch me
Immediately I fell, fell to the abyss of the Earth's atmosphere
crying and pleading for god to come,
but he can't step in yet
and I understood, I don't hate him for letting me fall
because it is my fault that I placed soo much trust in it
and not on my self and humanity
so humans around me fall to our death
knowing that our god
still can't step in yet....

To me patience looks like this...
It is this huge man will a long black overcoat with pockets
with shiny glasses and Grey eyes
and a face that is aged
and a smile that looks between a frown and a smirk
and a wooden smoke pipe in his mouth
with raggedy bag rip jeans
and black boots
He sits on this wooden chair
and is near a large tree
and he lights his smoke pipe
put one arm on top of one thigh
leans over and stares with you with those ancient, deep eyes
and says in a deep tone..
“go head, speak I'm waiting”
but then this will also describe what understanding looks like
So then they are both the same?....

She thinks she can change him
Re arrange & re engage him
Bring him back to life
She's screaming for a scalpal
She needs a knife!

She's loosing him fast
As the monitors hum
But she wont let him pass
His lifes not yet done

The line hums flat
But shes ready to operate
From where she sat
It was never too late

She thinks she can change him
Re arrange & re engage him
Bring him back to life
Shes screaming for a scalpal
She Needs a knife!

Take the knife out of my back
And put it in my heart
I don't wanna hear your lies
So let's not even start

Cry yourself a river
As you drown in the tears
Standing just above the water
I've been here for years

You beg for me to take your hand
Keep you above the wake
But now your lies are sinking fast
& I'm about to break

I won't let you drag me down
Your lies are so deceiving
I did everything I could for you
I'm finished & I'm leaving

One two three four
Turn around and shut the door
Five six seven eight
You say you love me
But now it's too late…
amanda
my never ending story begins here.
when i was in 7th grade
i would go on webcam with my friends
so i could meet and and talk to new people
and the compliments did not end…
then…
someone said
“show me a little more of your beauty”
i was in seventh grade
nieve i didn’t care
then 1 year later
a facebook message told me
that picture is still there
amanda
the man who sent this message to me
new everything about me
how he got that information
i don’t know
but on christmas break
i didn’t think anything of it
it was too late
for him to do anything
my life was great
but a knock knock knock at 4 am
change the way i felt
my picture was sent to everyone
i felt like i was in hell
this lead to anxiety
all the time i tried to hide me
amanda
didn’t want to go out in summer
because i knew that mistake would find me
amanda
and it did
it found me in different substances and alcohol
my anxiety got worse than it ever was before  
a year past and the man sent me the list of my new school and friends
just when i thought the torcher would end
but it got worse
this time it was a facebook page
the picture of my “beauty” was his profile
i
amanda
cried every night
lost my friends and respect again
walked down the hall being called names
being judged
again
i would never get that photo back
it was out there forever
so i started to cut
and i promised myself never
i had no friends
sat at lunch alone
so i moved schools again
just to be alone
but it was better this time
a month later i started talking to an old friend
he was a guy
we texted back and forth
and it was kinda nice
but then it got better
and he said he liked me
but he had a girlfriend
but he still liked me
so one day he said
“come over, my gf is away”
so like the teenager i was
i
amanda
made a mistake
we
got together
i thought he liked me
but just like every other
that mistake found me
one week later he texted me
amanda
saying
“get out of your school amanda ”
his gf and fifteen others came to find me
amanda
her and to other just stood there and said nobody liked me
amanda
a guy said in the background
“just punch her already”
so she did
she threw me to the ground
and punched me
amanda
over and over again
but the worst part was it was taped
and i was left there
alone
amanda
a joke in this world
nobody deserved this
this hurt of the world
i lied and said it was my fault
that i told him to do it
i didn’t want him to get hurt
and it’s no different if they put me through it
because i thought he liked me
amanda
there was one person in the world
who like me
but he just wanted what i could give him
so i just layed in a ditch all day
feeling like nothing was right
until my dad found me
and brought me home that night
i wanted it to be over
i wanted to stop the pain
so when i got home i drank bleach
and thought the pain would go away
it killed me inside but not out
so the ambulance came
and saved me
but i was still dead without a doubt
because on facebook
they said
she deserved it
i hope AMANDA is dead
and i tried so hard but i couldn’t get those words out of my head
and i didn’t want to press charges so i changed schools instead
i
amanda
just wanted to move on
but i was being tagged with pictures of bleach on facebook
how could i
they wanted me gone
i
amanda
a person
made a mistake
and on my story video
the comments
i could not take
the last words i read were
darwin at it’s best
but i’m just amanda
no more perfect than the rest

which is stronger?
the answer might be obvious
come one guess
it could never be hatred but..
no, it has to be hatred
that's all I see in the world anyway
hatred, hatred, hatred
but no love
but wait
there is love in the world
but it so superficial
maybe that is why hatred is overcoming
but naturally  hatred will overcome
as naturally humans have weak love
but then that is okay
that is why the darkness is there for
it is to increase that love
love will never be stronger than hatred
but then love will always be desired
for eternity to come