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Dev Oct 2018
I finally reached what I like to call
"A mini goal" today.
It's not something completely important
it's not life changing
it's no milestone,
but it's a tiny step towards one
And it really is a shame
that I still can't bring myself to feel proud
because I know I'm destroying myself
in the process
of trying to fix myself
I'm not so sure that it's all worth it anymore
Dev Oct 2018
It's a funny thing,
plucking four little strings
stringing together harmonies.
when all your life is but
frantic chaos
you learn to appreciate calm melodies.
i love my ukulele <3
  Oct 2018 Dev
Nyx
The moment I turned
and walked away
I felt my heart break a little
He didn't chase

Slowly taking steps
Without looking back
I couldn't hear his footsteps
But I couldn't backtrack

I felt my feet getting heavy
dragging them along
Desperately wanting to run
Back to where I belong

Within his arms safely
Standing side by side
Contently drifting along
As gentle waves by the seaside

The happiest they've ever seen me
Most carefree I've ever been
I was completely in love
A world consisting of just me and him

Though a raging river stood
Between our hearts
And in the end I was
The one left behind in the dark

As I raised my head high
Marching along to a beat
I've learnt to smile yet again
At last I can feel complete

Time has passed over
And not once did he chase
But the moment he did
It was already to late

I grew tired of running
Trailing after him
Was it really to much effort
To try and run after me too?

When I got up
Letting go of his hand
he didn't try to stop me
I guess this was where he stands

I knew then
He doesn't love me
And he never will


We have reached our limits
He no longer needs me
I've given all that I can give
So no matter what happens now

I'm not turning back


~
If you spend all your time running after somebody else
And the moment you stop chasing them and turn to walk away
If they don't chase or even try to stop you
then they aren't worth it
You deserve so much more then that
  Oct 2018 Dev
Nyx
Photographs of naked bodies
Positioned across a bed
Seducing one other
By the gleam in our eyes
Dressed with the desirable color of red
Our lips dripping with pure lust
Forever but a mere inch away
Eternally unreachable
As pretend is what we like to play
Trace the outline of my body
Feel the softness of my skin
Dine upon the devils wishes
Give in to this lustful sin
Embrace the coldness of the night
Be intoxicated by our heat
Eyes glazed over from this dream
Slowly lose your willingness to fight
Taste the sweetness upon your tongue
Allow us to quench your thirst
But once you taste heaven gates
You will eternally be cursed
Drunken off the beating sound
Of our hearts within perfect synch
Pleasure induced by feeling Pain
Holding on tighter to that chain
Bruises and bite marks
Littering the skin
Relinquish your demons
Fall captive to that sinners grin
Harsh whispers in the dark
Lips pressed against your neck
Tempt me with such sins
my darling

My dear the night has only begun
Decipher what you truly want
As it seems our game of play is done
Both lost within an ecstatic dream
It appears that neither of us have won
Dirtied souls are all that are left
Without meaning or for reason
What have we done?
an echoing question
The devil replies with a taunting voice
My darling you have become undone
With a sly grin he walks away
Eroding into the dark of night
While the tainted souls
Together with their hands holding tight
A game that they were destined to lose
We have danced with the devil tonight
And it appears he has won.



~
It was a late night and the words were just coming to mind
So I ended up stringing this odd piece together
Dev Oct 2018
Sunken eyes have always provided the perfect place to set sail, a voyage in a desolate place, where hope is forgotten and nothing of consequence could ever grow.
Sunken eyes have always given me hope that things will get better, because sunken eyes slowly, little by little, fill with light
and dazzle
and sparkle

i wish not to have sunken eyes anymore
i want my dazzle and sparkle back
what is this title, what is this piece. I don't even know anymore
Dev Oct 2018
Sometimes I feel so much
I force myself to cry
Excuse myself from time with my friends
So they don't see the little pieces die
I hide away, shut out the pain
and pour out all these tears
I smash the wall with angry fists
and relinquish all my fears
"And what if I cry too much
and my skin becomes too dry?
I've held onto too many emotions again
even though I really tried"
I tried so hard to control myself
I tried not to overdo it
but in the end, tears always win
And I'll never see through it.
I wish for a day when I could keep it at bay
keep these tears all tucked away
but for now I'll force myself
to cry it all away.
It's only mildly discomforting. Maybe it's punishment, maybe it's coping.
Maybe it's neither.
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