My anxiety and depression can make me a ****** friend, but I’m not sorry.

For as long as I can remember, I have always felt the need to apologize for my mental health struggles. I felt the need to over explain everything. I always felt the need to apologize for canceling plans.

My mental health struggles come and go. I have good days, and bad days. When I have bad days, or weeks even, I disappear.

I don’t answer many texts, I don’t make plans, and if I do, I cancel them. It makes me not a very dependable friend, sometimes. But I’m not sorry, anymore.

Sometimes I need to take a break from everyone.

Sometimes I need to take a step back and be alone, while I figure out what’s going on in my head.

Sometimes I feel ready to see you again, but I’m really not. I’m not ready to talk about the struggles I’m facing yet.

I have always felt the need to apologize, and I’m done.

I don’t choose to struggle with this.
I don’t choose to have my thoughts racing all day.
I don’t choose to have a war with my mind everyday.
I don’t choose any of this.

I’m done apologizing for something I don’t have control over.

So, yes, sometimes, my mental health will make me a ****** friend. But that’s only because it is needed for my own sake.

So I won’t apologize for that anymore.

I won’t apologize for doing what is best for me.

And for the friends who have stuck around while I cancel plans, go radio silent, and patiently wait until I’m ready to talk, you’re the real ones. And I’m lucky to have you.

But, I’m not sorry for doing what I need to do to make my mental health a little bit better.

I’m not apologizing anymore.

Instagram- Caitlinfladager

People that I called
Family...
Walked out on me
God I got nobody,
all I got is you..
so God...
please dont leave.
Cause in this storm,
the devil is attacking me.
God please hold me..
Dont loose my hand
Cause I
CAN'T live without
YOU...
I WONT!!!!!!





YOU AGAIN.......
knocking on my door.
Depression you here to hurt me some more? got no where else to go? I was scared you would take over me. You did. No prescription can get rid of you. You knocked me down mentally. Thanks for keeping me up at night. Cant sleep you got the worst of me. The pain its cuts me so fuckn deep I'm so tired. Please I'm hoping and praying I will leave this world and find peace. You need to leave. Not me.


No one cares if I'm dead or alive. I've got no friends.
Can u imagine being 5 and wanting to die?? I just hurt so much I'd rather be flying high. Everyone says I'm delusional. I guess they wont see the real me until they have to bury me.


You see a shooting star?make a wish for me. Going thru alot and its hitting me. I break my bones for everyone I love. Somehow they are never there for me
It's like they ain't hearing me. They tell me to open up to talk.. really you all are not ready for it. You have not seen pain like this. You never seen a ***** as strong as this.


Why do we love the things that hurt us. Why do we close our eyes when we pray? Or when we cry? Guess it is because the most beautiful soul most beautiful things in life are not seen. But are felt with our hearts.


Trying to be strong for my love of my life. I'm losing my mind . Losing myself in this battle called LIFE, what helps me is when I feel like I wanna die I just cry. Feel like it's to hard to take. Time to FAKE. No one will know. They all got places to go. Now it's my turn to hide and be no more



What if I told you I cry myself to sleep every night cause thats when my demons love to fight. What if I said I want to take my own life nothing I ever do or say or have or had matters. They say god protects you and this is just a milestone. This is a test from the devil. You will get past this level only he can make u successful.

"Im The girl who has few best friends but doesn't need anyone.
Im The girl who laughs the hardest at her own jokes.
Im The girl who expects way to much, but no more then she is prepared to give.
The girl who doesn't care what anyone thinks and is to everyone.
She's the girl that will always say sorry, the kinda girl that will put her trust into you until you give her a reason not to.
She's the girl who will never leave your side when you need her, the girl who will go out of her way to cheer you up, she's the girl who will never give up on you......
The kinda girl who believes in loving somebody forever..."
love you guys ! Xoxo
😊☺️😍😘❤💯👌🏻

As I ponder the love that I see in his eyes,
A Godly love, given without compromise....
I recall many times that he stood by my side,
And prodded me on with great vigor and pride.

His voice ever confident, firm and yet fair,
Always speaking with patience, tenderness and care.
The power and might of his hands was so sure,
I knew there was nothing we couldn't endure.

It's true, a few others provided insight,
Yet, he laid the foundation that kept me upright.
He's the grandest of men to have lived on this earth,
Although he's not royal by stature or birth.

He's a man of great dignity, honor and strength.
His merits are noble, and of admirable length.
He's far greater than all other men that I know,
He's my Dad, he's my mentor, my friend and my hero 😍😍❤️❤☺️☺️️😘😘👌🏻💯

[Verse 1]
You all hate me, and I hate myself
Woke up this morning, ******' waste of pills
Haven't seen myself in over seven years, 'cause I hate my face
So I avoid the mirrors (already smashed them up)
The glass it cuts. I'm like a sinking ship its hard to swim when
I'm all alone and I ain't got no one here to depend on
Cemented meat dragged through the street every one's is ******* looking
The anger thickens I can feel depression as its cooking
No emotion on my face 'cause I conceal the pain
Standing outside in the storm so I can feel the rain
Pouring down on my face. I pretend their tears
You know, 'cause I've tried, but I haven't cried in many years

[Pre-Chorus]
I hate myself
I loathe myself
I should off myself
Why not? I'm broken!

[Chorus]
(Broken!)
God- God lost His way
Made a mistake when He made me
They say I'm lost, and I agree. I'm ******'
(Broken!) I-I-I-I don't wanna be alive. I just wanna die
(Broken!) I-I-I-I don't wanna be alive. I just wanna die

[Post-Chorus]
"Depression is one of the most debilitating-"
I'm broken!
"Ugliest, most awful, horrible, negative-"
I'm broken!

[Verse 2]
You wanna **** me. That's okay, 'cause I agree with you
My arms have many cuts. You see the ones I'm bleedin' through
Step off this chair and shut the windpipe that I'm breathin' through
They say always believe, but **** them. Believe in who?
I don't belong, I know. I snort the strongest blow
That **** is wrong, but so, I don't have ******' long to go
Every night I dream I'm gonna die; I hope it's real
I found a bag of pills. I hope it's dope so I can feel
I'm straight-up suicidal. The ******' rudest I know
I hope somebody feels my pain through this crude recital
It's only Judas I know. Buddhists and Jews are ******
Don't know [?] stuck in this ruthless cycle

[Pre-Chorus]
You hate my guts
I hate my guts
Let's all hate my guts
Why not? I'm broken!

You were my dad that I once knew,
But little do you know
the pain you put me through.
I've grown up and realized
That your life is nothing but a thousand lies.
You say that you love me more than I know
But if that were true then why doesn't it show?
You had me as a daughter to
LOVE
Did you forget I'm in your blood too?,
But obviously that doesn't mean
anything to you,!!!!
I remember when I was the twinkle in ur eyes
Then you left one day without saying goodbye.!!!!
What was standing in the way
Of u being able to stay?
I'm your daughter,
And you're supposed to be my father.
Does that mean anything to you?
But that you'll never see,
And a father you will never be.
If you could see the tears running down my face.
the years have passed you can't replace.
So, Duane I've given up on you, and this time I'll leave.. hope you drown in pain
From this day forward I'll just call you duane