it was not a slamming
but a steady slow
easing closed
the door

quick catch of breath -
not as much as
a deeply drunk
savored gasp

like after a race
hands on thighs bent
******* in air
too quick

until remembered
to take is slow
and pull in that first deep
balmy breath

to take it slow speaks
of patience and of time
less filled with doubt
or regret

take comfort then
I took my time to measure out
feel the weight in my hand
of waiting

of giving you time to
slow down turn around
and see that the door
was closing

I waited there threshold shrinking
pleading silent looks for you
to stop before it shut
and died

but eyes are not accustomed
to look for or perceive
the colors of pain painted
in another

or to catch the dying glimmer
through the cracks of a heart breaking
as it eases closed
the door

I sit alone and count the hours
numbered as nothing - nowhere
an endless trail of strangled minutes
wrenched from my fingers

I drink alone the lifeless hours
swirled along the drain of time
a rushing draught drunk as worthless
wrung from my fingers

Alone I watch the wakeful hours
mocking as sleepless I lie
whispers of slumber mine to grasp
drift through my fingers

I am alone in crowded hours
confined, conformed on all sides
until all the colors of my self
drain from my fingers

Who is she, I who am alone?
Once I knew - I thought I knew
now I'm told she is not me, she's
pried from my fingers

I sit alone and feel the hours
numbered as nothing - no one
these hours of dying, they say are sweetness
but how the hour lingers

I built my self
a windowless room
so I could see the world
traveling further
                       down
           down
down
into myself
to grasp a universe

My agony is seeing you
in agony
not knowing if it's the same
as mine
of missing you
of mourning you
of trying to forget
the reasons why i loved you
This ache of mine
leaves me breathless
a shallow choking sound
escapes
and I fight it
this need to go to you
to tell you
"I forget -
it's all over"
But it is all over
and forgetting is never
forgiving when
the remembering
breaks over me again
and the aching agony
of you returns
to steal my breath