Using the sky as my guide
and the stars as my usher
I built my stairs on pride
and taking one step after another
I thought myself untouchable,
I thought myself unbeatable.
I was unrelenting in my strides to become better
unfazed by all.
Well, almost all.
There was one,
just one person that caused me to trip,
to fall into a chasm so deep
that I nearly forgot myself,
nearly lost myself.
With her I finally stumbled,
and was ceremoniously humbled.
I was taken aback by what I thought was a star of a person,
as though hidden by a curtain
she dropped into my life
and in my heart….
well in my heart it just felt right.
But all the while I was enjoying her presence
a word floated through my mind,  
a word I seemed to dread
because I couldn’t understand where it was coming from,
No.
It’s such a simple word
that cuts through all like a sword
placing all ideas in a coffin
a word that’s used often
as a way to negate dreams
or sometimes, to save oneself from a mistake.
No.
A word I never learned to use,
a word thats held my mind with a noose,
a word that plagued my soul,
a word I refused to speak where she was concerned.
How could I?
How could I say no to my star?
To the star that left a scar on my heart,
the star that tormented my mind,
the star that burned my soul.
No.
How do I say no to the one who showed me what it meant to feel pain?
To the one who held the spotlight in my life for so long
I couldn’t see when that light became a shadow?
No.
It was too late to say no,
my heart had said yes too many times
my eyes had already looked into hers too often,
The only place for me to stand
was locked in the palm of her hand.
And even now, even if she doesn’t know it, there I stay, decaying.
Wilting,
Like a flower forced to brave the cold.
What do I do?
Where do I go?
I need help
Can I even be helped?
Do you think she’d help me?
Do you think she'll see me again,
do you think...
do you think she could love me again?

There it was, my opportunity.
My one chance at peace.
I could’ve said goodbye.
I should’ve said goodbye,
burned all the words I wrote you
till even the ashes turned blue
from the sorrow and pain
that poured from my veins,
drowned every memory of you
in the ocean
or with  a bottle
whichever came first
to cleanse my minds view.
But every time
I opened my mind
to the possibility
of living in a world without you,
my soul began to tremble and shake
my heart couldn’t help but ache
my senses entered a lull,
and that was just from the potential
of not having you in my life.
Just that simple thought
caused me such strife.
Maybe that thought isn’t so simple,
and like yarn on a spindle,
I’ve been wrapped in your essence
for far too long to conceive of a world without your presence.
It seems that the more I try to forget
the more mesmerized I become
till it’s impossible to be numb
to the warmth of your eyes that mirrors the skies
to the elegance you invoke as though it were a cloak,
there really is no other that carries a candle to your grace
and keeps my heart in an endless chase.
But I’m in need of a reprieve, some sort of break from this game
and yet, I can’t find it in me to leave.
So what am I to do?
Suffer,
attempting to capture a heart
that was always meant to be free?
Or quit,
lose myself in the thoughts of what was,
and what could’ve been?
What do I have left?

Every night I lay my head to rest
and every morning I arise,
Each time wishing the night took me,
Praying that I wouldn’t wake up,
Hoping that someone would hear me
Hopeful that someone would grant my wish