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”against your will were you created,
against your will were you born,
against your will do you live,
against your will will you die, and
against your will will you stand in judgment before the
King of kings, the Holy One, blessed be He.”

Rabbi Elazar HaKappar (C.170 - C.200 CE)
(Ha Kappar: the one who made and gave atonement)


in these, the years of my erosive declination,
when the noble prize, time for introspection,
once was a chore of delaying, now no longer can be off-put,
the certainties of Elazar, offer guidable satisfactions

the nighttime review, resurrecting my life, the gaps,
the untaken actions, those dream-schemes speak loudest,
memories of what should have been, are a litany of what ifs,
prosecutorial accusations of crass wastage

against my will, the charges brought,
against my will, plead guiltily my innocence,
against my will, knowingly, time’s erasure judgment,
secures my fate, all the granular cells causal dissipation

my warped willingness to be a coward,
it was my meditative, to natural be the lesser man,
choosing the safety premise, the road most oft trod,
the addition of my meager totality, willing given

Even if all these land mine/roadblocks
and summary judgements are against my will,
willingly do I confess, in all innocence, my guilt,
“if it be my will”
You don't even know but no worries,
You never will.

When you face a mirror and see someone else entirely,
Still the void remains unfilled.

It will haunt you forever but you'll stay afloat,
To your dismay.

As you are the victim of careless love,
But I'm not.

'Cause I know.
I cry, I try, I cry.
I don't know why.
If you know tell me please,
I don't wanna cry anymore.
If you see me roaming the streets,
How can you stay indoor?

I cry, I try, I cry.
I still don't know why.
Do you want me to believe
There's something in your hand when you keep it closed all time?
Do you want me to believe
That just by following you I'll turn out fine?

I cry, I try, I cry.
But now I know why.
I'm here to figure it out by myself; I have to be ready.
My life is mine and all about me,
Is that what you're trying to tell me?
Does true love exist?
I wonder.
You tell me yes.
Prove me wrong.
It’s stupid you say,
But you run after it just the same.
Make fun of me.
It’s about time I don’t care.
I’d rather live in peace,
Than being alone.
Leave me searching don’t guide me
It’s a waste of time.
Ask me questions so I get lost.
Give me answers so that I ask questions.
let’s see you taste love just once.  
Oh how fast you’ll shut up.
Spot staring when I smile
Try finding me when I’m crying.
See that what you’ve made up
Is just that.
See that your hurting people.
Misleading them for no reason.

So does true love exist?
It probably did before you came along.
There's nothing more sad than missing someone not for what has been, but for what could have been.
In the corner all away
That’s his shelter from everyday.

Come out once let me show you
What life’s got to say.

So bright so blinding
Get me away.

So he went back to his corner
 Apr 2020 Chabadtzke
 Apr 2020 Chabadtzke
I don't feel quite myself today
If I seem far away
I am okay
But honestly
I don't feel quite myself today

I don't feel quite myself today
If I seem quiet and don't know what to say
I am okay
But honestly
I don't feel quite myself today

I don't feel quite myself today
If I seem to be acting in a melancholic way
I am okay
But honestly
I don't feel quite myself today
Moody brooding Monday blues
 Dec 2019 Chabadtzke
The Holocaust never happened?
Ask those with numeric blue on their arms
It doesn't wash off neither do the memories shoes and teeth
It is ignorance and lack of education
Or is it?
Auschwitz,Birkenau,and others
Try looking up the name of a descendant on the Yad Vashem website
They list the names and how they perished
Imagine if it was your family?
It happened and hopefully will never happen again
See Chanukah is coming and though the holiday is happy and light
There is darkness when human beings deny it ever happened
"One for each night they shed us with light to remind us of days long ago."

We celebrate both holidays because
We want to jump off into His arms
But we don’t trust what it means to take the fall
Tower of Silence - Track 1

Verse 1
I’ve tried to give up poetry as if it’s some sort of addiction
Poison to the heart as if I’m an addict—do you get my depiction?
Addicted to the page, confined to my mind—the paddock
I feel like a ****** who’s on it again
Writing another poem to a friend
For others to use it as I pretend
That I’m not another fanatic, devoted to the pen
I’m addicted to the waves
Tossed and blown about—their slave
They pull me asunder
Oh Lord, take me under, blow my cover

No, I don’t know, what’s my direction
But I can accept the blind man’s perception
Take me under, blow my cover

Verse 2
My feet dangle up off the ground
I levitate above the sound
Ever since I was young, I’ve been on dope
Nowadays, I use it to be my rope
I’m just a *** head, I guess
Really it’s just my head, more or less
Am I just being dramatic? I’m emotional
I’m just ranting again, I regret what I told you
It’s just the cof-fee tal-king
So let me just be in my own world
Because I can’t explain what’s in whirl
So how could I be prepared to share
My faith with what’s beneath my hair
So bare with I’m a Thinker
So don’t listen if you rather be keeper, to yourself
Go throw it away and let me do myself
If you stick around keep it on a shelf
It’s therapy for me and it might be scary
It’s the wrists of a poet, my release yet my blade
It’s creativity so I know it, the control of pain
Like you I’m a user of dope
That doesn’t mean that I smoke, no
I’m talking about words with emotion
But sometimes I get lost in this ocean
Compulsive to smoking, I’m writing this hoping
That as my pen is my lighter
And my cigarette is the page
I can light your soul on fire
While keeping this addict in his cage
May your demons choke on the smoke
By the words that are the brume you consume

No, I don’t know, what’s my direction
But I can accept the blind man’s perception
Take me under, blow my cover

Verse 3
Tie a noose around my brain with floating feet
Still breathing, my mind will not be able to seep
Choke of the lull, my throat hung on a leash
You demons have no hold on me—capeesh?
It’s a catharsis, but honest, it’s darkness
So it’s not for you if you’re heartless
I could post the depressing lines in my head
The flow is smooth and the lines resonate
I could hold a celebration for another name
At least it’d save me before I dissipate
Then that would just be returning to the dead
I’ve decided that between who would die
I choose my name to be lame and my God to glorify
So between you and I, I’ll write for you instead

No, I don’t know, what’s my direction
But I can accept the blind man’s perception
Take me under, blow my cover

Oh Lord, take me under
Blow my cover
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