Can't eat
Can't sleep
Can't stop crying
Can't breathe
Can't live
Can't do dying
Can't write
Can't read
Can't scream aloud
Can't choose
Can't break
Can't shut down
Can't fly
Can't fall
Can't let them know
Can't speak
Can't stay
But still can't go

I watch their footsteps
I listen to their laughs
Sometimes I wonder why
They keep joking about love.

I walk into the classroom
The boys are being rude
The girls are gossiping
Sometimes I wonder if
I fit in here.

I sit on the desk, preparing myself
The teacher comes in
He looks very tired, like I'm
Sometimes I wonder if
He wants to die--like I'd.

I start the exam, numbers are running inside my head
I look around to see if everyone's noticing
I look down at the paper and
Pull out a pencil from
the pencil case and
Stab my throat.

While the blood are rushing on my shirt
and down to my legs
I wonder why
They keep joking about love.

Tu me manques.

English- I miss you.
True English translation- You are missing from me.

Isn't that beautiful?
You are missing from me.
It's like a piece of me is gone.
You took it with you
when you left me.

Almost like a puzzle.
You are missing from me.*
"Here- I will give you a small fraction of me,
take it with you.
Never let it wander,
but since you feel the need to,
take this piece of me."

I never had to ask you
To be a good friend
I never had to worry
About you saying bad things
I never had to hesitate
Before telling you everything
I needed you to get me
And you did
And you will
Midnight or not
And I felt so at peace
Knowing I was safe while I slept
Hearing your voice
Gentle and caring
At the lake with the breeze
Outside with my cat
The one you kept for me
Thankful
For you

I’ve realized
I don’t like being touched anymore
Not a gentle hand on my back
Not a hand in mine
Hugs are tense
I don’t like them anymore
I used to think I needed contact
But I hate it now
Don’t touch me
I don’t want an arm brushing mine
Fingers on my knee
I don’t want my hair played with
I don’t like it anymore
I used to crave the closeness
Now I just want to be left alone
Don’t touch me anymore

Forgetting things that happened
Five minutes ago
So hungry I’m nauseous
Then eating two bites and being full
Waking up after sleeping all night
And still being exhausted
Aches in my legs
Talking takes effort
So does breathing
Zoning out randomly
Fidgeting all the time
Not enjoying things
That used to make me happy
Not excited
For anything
What is wrong with me

Paint on my fingers
I wash it off
I wish it was that easy
To wash off my scars

To quote a friend
I’m better
But still in the negatives
Things are looking more positive
I’m healing slowly
But I’m still sitting below zero
Rate my mind from one to ten
It’s better
But still in the negatives