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What is this feeling?
The feeling of being empty,
The feeling of lacking emotion,
The feeling of not being able to write.

It's weird not being able to express myself.
The emotions I once felt have left by itself.
The words in my head are stuck there
but at the same time they're nowhere.

I want to write about how I feel for you.
but what is there to write when I feel nothing anymore?
There's nothing else for me to do.
What else is there to write for?
I'm itching to write, I've really missed it.
Last I saw you,
Snowflakes were melting in your lashes,
Rolling down your face as if they were your tears.
Before freezing in the trap set by your words.
There they were, in the frozen drops, many reflections:
Of me... of the cat... and of the window by the tiers.

You came in with the blue smell of the sea,
Of a sea not yet frozen but covered with snow.
Your head was in a cloud, as it still is,
A cloud cold to the touch,
And in the wind, dispersing.
It was the halo of your mane.
That looked soft but was deceiving.

Me, myself, and I are warm now,
With my pressed flowers,
Dry by the hearth.
The reflections are in the flames now,
Not in tears.
The orange glow of the pages past illuminate a new future,
And the boat in the blizzard houses my heart no more.
  Jan 2019 Verbatim Lynnie
NURUL AMALIA
before you love a thing,
you have to love yourself first
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