I pine away
for the sun of a distant sky
a star I barely know
yet the drums beats wildly

eyes sees a lush forest
when there is barely any saplings
a land of withering flowers

forget-me-not,
a bitter smile on a tired face
who nursed a little heart back
from a broken heart

yet the little heart still
seized a glimmer of chance, humming
unable to stop hoping and wanting
even when the minds balked and balked
for it knows to pine for the sun is to fall

there is a reason
why human does not have wings

yet the little heart keeps trying to fly,
foolish and desperate in its loneliness
pumping it self until it burst
gone was the mind, but hope scorches

I pine away and
I perished

I'm tired of being miserable
all frowns and slumped shoulders
rain clouds and negative comments
envy that rest heavily in the gut

I'm tired of being sad
where everything feels muddy and sluggish
minds thinking that colors hate us
a wet heart and a wet face in the middle of the night

I'm tired of being weary
to the smile that strangers gave
every intentions on someone eyes
how love you's are mostly lies

I'm tired of thinking that i don't deserve happiness
because the truth is?

we all do.

Talk to me only when you need me
c'mon use me as a waste bag
I'll listen to your words and fold it in my cards
try to use me to cure your self
I'm a one use injection, a temporary amusement
It's alright, i'm not mad
after all i'm only some medication
near their expiration dates
throw me away after you used all the pills
I'll paste a smiley sticker on my face
kindness is a thing you take for granted
overdosing does apply to you
even if you think you'll be the exception
leave me laying on the cold ground
getting touched by thousand hands
won't make a big deal of it anyway
If it hurt me, you don't really care

after all aren't I just a hole for you to shove all your things into?

Careless nights, high on caffeine
head filled with cotton and yet
waterfall streams true
the truth is on the horizon, it whispers
yet like the apple dangling on a tree
so close but out of reach
a boat made of pillows
tooth and nails shape this body

Sometimes I want to be numb
because emotions feels like nails
and they scrape the windows
left marks that will not disappear

Sometimes I want to be numb
because my heart feels too soft
and it keep hurting and bleeding
even after I buried it six feet under

Sometimes I want to be numb
to not care about being empty
or feeling guilt that seeps in the foundations
those are the days where getting anything done becomes very hard

Sometimes I want to be numb
but then there is days where I bathe
in the privilege that is feelings
to be able to taste sunlight and feel the wind
shouting and screaming and kicking and fighting
bitter and sweet and crying and breathing
to be able to say I love you and goodbye

Sometimes I want to be numb
but feeling pain is a price
I would gladly pay to be alive

playing surgeon
words as our scalpel
dissecting our body
trying to heal the broken parts,
instead what we achieved
is mangling ourself
into unrecognizable
pile of mess

angry teens
rebelling agains the streams
trying to find them self
in a world where nothing make sense