I am just a game, a twisted toy
here to amuse the girls and boys
Tossed to the wolves, just to amuse
play how you may choose
but you'll always lose

I am just a game, a twisted toy
I bring more pain than I do joy
I am no prize, I have no goal
look in these eyes, just a ******* hole

No prize, no goal
here lies an empty soul

I didn't find you most beautiful
after all those hours you spent
on your makeup
or shaping your lovely hair
into its tiny strands.
or the outfits you wore
that hugged your frame
so eager to catch a hungry eye
I found you most beautiful
after the makeup
was smeared or washed away
your hair a mess from the long night
and your outfits nothing but balled up fabric
strewn across the room
and all those barriers you put up
for others
came crashing down
under the weight of your smile
thats when you were the most beautiful thing
I have ever seen.

Silly poets. .  
do you really think the ™ and ® symbol will save you?
the true artist
who wrote the great plays and poems
painted and played the immortal masterpieces
profited the second
it was available for all to . .

share
   observe
listen
experience
  feel

Protecting your work
for financial gain
with silly symbolism
of the status quo
only hinders the true wealth
it can present.

You salt the wound
you bend it back until it breaks
You just consume
despite the way that it may taste

Caught in the bloom
of creations which are not your make
You walk the plank
veiled steps towards what they say and think


Don't even blink
as we push the planet to its brink
Cohorts of war
without reason to what you wage them for

You just forsake
a sedated apathetic state
You choose to pray
to a non-responsive deity

Repeat after me
   I am free

As death nods his head reassuringly

As I stared at the *****
stainless steel toilet
shining under neon light
from a concrete slab
in my small enclosure
I thought to myself. .

There is a poem in there somewhere.

I dont want to be the dog
   who returns home
after a few days
   realizing how good he had it there
I want to roam the unknown
   beyond the domesticated shelter
live or die
   there are more experiences to be had
than what this shackled society has to offer. . .
       obedience nor allegiance
holds no reward for the likes of I

after all
  I wish not the mindset of a housebroken animal
unlike some humans.

Once again I subject
myself to the neglect
and the same heartache
Ive come to expect
As all my good intents
fall into worthlessness
creating this joke
at my own expense

And i already know
I have been down this road before
seeing the same signs that I once ignored
And I already know
the outcome will not change
when all my actions still remain the same.

breaking my neck for
the same outcome as before

Self saboteur

It seems the stars are melting
from the twinkle in your eye
souls with empty homes
sea shells on the shore
the poison well run dry
the bond that bore worn thin
petals torn from the stems
born within shared sins
which remain unspoken
ships sailed past horizons near
as the port disappears
reflecting in icy mirrors
that may finally be broken

Just keep on
selling myself
until the pieces
are gone.

The hauntings have subsided
but I know the ghost remains.

I know that I'm not all there
scattered pieces everywhere
I had to let parts of me die
just so others could survive
joy, pain, angst and rage
are just shards of the puzzle
I have to learn to turn the page
to break free from those struggles

doing so time after time
has taught me not to try
investing  in attempts to find
whats not worth sacrifice.

No woes for your misfortune
a lock that has no key
all the lies youve been forcing
no longer affect me
the words you speak are hollow
when your actions contradict
I refuse to follow
your endless line of ****
unwilling to sacrifice
left me to pay the price
done so out of spite
without a way to make it right

but I suppose its my fault
because I chose to care
rubbing the wound with salt
reaching for love that isnt there

Are we so utterly destroyed?
Are we raised to be lowered
into depths
a man can not physically dig?
Why do we seek a hell
so obviously guised as heaven?
Are we beyond repair?
Can we never be fixed
to match the idea
of a standard model?
Would you want to?
Did these gears in the machine
ever have a chance
to pass inspection in the first place?
Was I doomed upon that assembly line?
Were we all?
Am I the reject
in the dollar bin
of a land
full of selfish
consuming
monsters
who have no teeth of their own
waiting for their masters to chew
and regurgitate back
into their joyous awaiting mouths?
Is the way I write this
too imperfect?
Does this gain me nothing
but a stroke of ego?
Should I expect to deserve more?
too little product?
a lackey robotic?
Not enough dollar signs
to place upon it?
Are these feelings, feelings anymore?
Or are they nothing
but programmed responses?
Am I alive
by falling from the branch
of a toxic Oak
only to pollinate
the oily soil?

Should I just
be a good slave
to the cult of "us"
and earn for myself
which no mortal
has right
putting a price tag on.
Can robots trust?

Some men are so focused
on the act of ***
ridiculously eager to get into it
they forget to relish
the moments beforehand
and after
focused on the getting
more than the giving
Which is where
I would like to think I differ
I like to watch a woman after
as she lies there
in her lovely silhouette
glistening
gently quivering
breathing heavily
eyes closed
as if in some strange
*** coma
or spell
Sometimes a job well done
is in the confirmation
and reward
in itself
Or maybe it just makes me feel
I can look beyond
myself.

I should stop
    using the word "heart"
in my poetry

The drones
made of skin and bone
The drones
with no minds of their own
The drones
entrapped in their homes
tied to their tvs and cellular phones

I see their pride in ignorance
both jailer and keeper
Who are enjoying this sentence
as the bankers run the meter

In a prison they were fooled to build
and gladly accepting
To pay their homage to the guild
who commanded its erecting

As the wardens stuff your faces
with superstition
and their pockets
with the source of their fruition

The drones
programmed to obey
The drones
believe all that they say
The drones

Right from the womb
  taught to march to the tune
      straight into the tomb


The drones
keep questioning me
The drones
will not leave me be
The drones
made an outcast of me
for failing to extinguish my humanity

I've destroyed myself so many times
Daily, at ease behind enemy lines
With only me, myself and I
amongst thieves, assassins, spies
picking at my enterprise
finding comfort in the lies
contorted truths, flow through just fine
and mine are the best of its kind
I have tried to question why
but my queries become sacrifice
Why should I try breaking ground
where life seems to be scarcely found?
How is one to build a home
with nothing but a stepping stone?

What once burnt bright as the sun
is now but a flicker in the wind
at the **** end of a candle.

Some memories
are like
a cigarette
whose firey ends
burn a mark
upon your favorite linen
while you look elsewhere
and as you're able
to hide it from others
you know
it will always be there

I took my life line
and tangled it up
into a knotted ball
spiked with shards
of broken reflections
of my past
and I swing it around
over my head
like a weapon
just trying to make a dent
or a mark
upon this thing we call life.

I like to pretend
I no longer have a heart
but sometimes
I pull it out of the bottom drawer
and speak to it
just so it knows
that I know
its still there
and apologize
for all I have poured over it
to bury its existence
and all the times
I gave it to the undeserving
I make promises
that it will be freed again
someday
then safely tuck it away
and sneak back out of her house.

check out my band, were a Hard Rock act out of Detroit.

http://www.reverbnation.com/negfed

also. . you can pick up my poetry book on amazon today!!

http://www.amazon.com/Mind-Afire-Collected-Poems-Volume/dp/1478100206/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid;=1371731207&sr;=8-1&keywords;=mind+afire

thanks for stopping by!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeyGAPdSo78

(copy and paste to hear it)

I wrote this poem here awhile back, made it into a song. . . not what I usually do with my band, but wanted to share it none the less. Its still kind of in demo form.


I've been in the dark for so long
I fear I'll go blind in the light
the longer that you play the fool
the less they all believe your right
I'm hanging by my final string
and even thats unraveling
collecting all the fingers aim
when you're the easy one to blame

I only try to play the game
without the rule book that they made
and as I do I'm called insane
trapped inside their judgmental gaze
just go ahead and label me
I've heard just about everything
I don't regret what it may bring
because its who I chose to be

We all shall reap
the seeds we sow
keep counting sheep
don't watch them grow

Trying to beat
this undertow
go back to sleep
you'll never know

It took me quite some time
to realize
that there comes a point
when love
is no longer a good enough excuse
to endure
constant disappointment.

Your name belongs to others
but they don't have the same taste
or the way I felt my heart drop
every time I saw your face

Still I hold no contempt
nor see it as a waste
We were just out of place
running at too quick a pace

All the secrets I still keep
vividly invade my dreams
like all the times I watched you sleep
opening your eyes to me

Wishing it was meant to be,
did you even see?

We didn't fool each other
we only fooled ourselves
the risks became a bother
but still they paid off well

The stories we could tell
of both our carried hells
The images we bore
hiding the sides we feared to tell

Its still worth all the hurt
to keep the memories
no one else in this universe
will share the same as these

So thanks again
everything ends
We would be caught too tightly
within the web we spin

So Thanks again
everything ends
even with the same conclusion
I'd do it lose or win.

Thanks again.

Ohh whiskey,

I love you so
the feelings come
and you make them go
until you bring them back
tenfold
and I wish to fight with every soul.

Ohh whiskey,

Why do you treat me such way
like every woman I've chose to lay?
My father tried to steal me away
from his entire bloodline
you chose to slay

Ohh whiskey,

It can't just be the Irish in me.

You tear down the walls
as I write so enthralled
only to regret it all.

They own me, they own you
They own your home
They own the schools
Their television tells you what to do
airwaves ordering a land of fools
Believe youre free, just pay the fees
not hard to see the hypocrisy
This rat race they put in place
Dollars chased in lives of waste
Nod and applaud for their only God
Dare not look beyond the facade
Forgo your mind and they will provide
A flag for you to hide behind
Draw closed your window blinds
as they plagiarize what lurks outside.
Step in line and all is fine
Obey their law, follow their signs
buy and sell you, work the wager
acting as its in your favor
This is not the work of saviors
Welcome to the masters chamber.

Pardon my empathy
and the fact that emotions
shape my thinking
and those thoughts
force my actions
I'm am truly sorry for my failure
to pantomime my existence
excuse my inability
to be cold and methodical
I'm beg mercy for when I
don't even know when
I am being sarcastic
it seems saying what you think
and not what others want to hear
isn't the most popular stance
It takes a rare person
to enjoy the company of another
who is quick to shatter your
*illusions

You can try to fix me
but youll only hurt yourself
I advise you not to
attempt arranging the pieces
your hands are not nimble enough
to avoid being cut
by the sharp broken fragments

*******,
and read my poem
you impatient
little *****

You are like a fur coat
lovely and extravagant
on the outside
until you turn it inside out
and see the ugly stitched hide beneath

I seek your praise
cant you see?
I want a page
in history
like everybody
stepping on each other
to be proprietary
you *******

My ego is best, cant you tell?
You sell yourselves
but Im no *****
Everyone in line
with hands out for more
Your world revolves my repertoire

So give me mine
before you get yours
before you get yours
before you get yours

The guy friends like to tease me
because I like to secretly romance
the young souls that need and deserve it.

"Ohh, you gonna read her a poem and cuddle?"

They razz at me. . .

"You bought her flowers?!?"

*****. . .

Yes I will, and yes, yes I did.

These are the same men who probably never saw
that special sparkle in a womans eye
that they all posses
and if you are not careful.
It just might burn right through you.

Fiery mind
or icy veins
can be a downfall all the same
Cold heartedness
or burning passion
can lead to similar dissatisfaction
As the storm clouds start to form
my blood simmers to lukewarm
all that I was fighting for
doesn't matter anymore
I must disown the love I sworn
for this dysfunctional repertoire

Poets of pretentiousness
say my poems are ****
they think emotions lie inside
large words that no one gets

Poets of Pretentiousness
say the shoe doesnt fit
watching them contort their feet
to walk within their niche.

Don't
  you
have
   some
other
  ****
to
  ****
for
endorsement?

They want me to open up
they say I must not care
When I pry and share what is inside
they take everything thats there

Sorry Im not possessive
jealous and overbearing
Sorry these transgressions
would make you think such a thing

If these are the men youre used to
I can not play the part
I see through right to the truth
in whats left of my heart

None of which is love
your perceptions are skewed
you lost me in the rear view
I am still on the move

Its all part of a game
that I can no longer play
I no longer have the pieces
stolen along the way.

Await anothers chase
  Im abandoning this race.
I will not be laid to waste
  by just a pretty face.

Im at a loss for words
I dont know what to say
it still remains unheard
upon deaf ears they lay

My sight was veiled by love
although I saw the truth
I closed my eyes to the signs
just as I always do

I turned a deaf ear
to the warnings they conveyed
not wanting to hear
of all the hearts slayed in your wake

and if they ask me why
I  still chose to pursue
I can only reply
that I saw so much more in you

My Spongebob Squarepants boxers
Scrunch up the sides of my legs
And the ***-*** hole won't close
So my junk rubs my zipper
But I can't bring myself to throw them out.

I can still taste the words
from every bitter-sweet time
I bit my tongue
and they went unheard
even with all the blood
on my tastebuds

I know my heart is good
even if my mind is twisted
Which is why I've stood
in this awkward position
I feel like the moon
in the daytime sky
a sight to question why
it belongs to the night

Sometimes
We cherish the good
In our past relationships
That it eclipses the bad
And we forget
Why we walked away

I miss the days
when I was too young to realize
and my father was just old enough
to know. .
that **** eating grin
that boisterous personality
the twinkle in the eye
or the flirtatious gestures
he taught me so well
the youth that hadn't quite left
all those times
when I saw him,
in me. . .

I swim in cursive
across a page
then I get converted
into the digital age

Ones and zeros
across the screen
an anti-hero
seeking truth beyond his means

Welcome to the cerebellum
of Jeremy Bean

I speak of darkness
and I am far from subtle
but I leave bread crumbs
that lead to the light at the end of the tunnel

and a trail of blood
that strays the other way
which direction you choose
makes no difference to me

These are just my thoughts
you can keep your pennies
its exploration of self
and that is fortune a plenty.

We are all heard
eventually
Unfortunately
its usually too late

Darling
You are so gorgeous
And intelligent
That you dont have to rely
On what society tells you
You should
That your dreams
need not face
The execution
To play these games
With men
Who made the rules
That you enforce
It saddens me
You chose
The former
Over the latter
Because brains
Outlast beauty.
As I watch
a slipping mind
steal away the soul.

Throw your children to the fire again
and leave them to burn for all of your sins
Tangled in this wicked web we spin
with wars waged against ourselves that we cant win

Are we too numb to succumb to these feelings anymore?
Are we so apathetic that we forget whats in store?
Hoping, pleading
now in retrospect
Broken, bleeding
from all the neglect

Why should I stand with my heart in my hands,
just to see it get ripped from my grip once again?

And over again

Is this something we can not evade,
standing here upon our last legs?
Taught from the cradle to the grave
that this is the way we should be

The way we should be

Are we so bartered, brokered, bought and sold as if were ******?
Selling ourselves bit by bit, piece by piece to the core
Hoping, pleading
now in retrospect
Broken, bleeding
from all the neglect

Why should I stand with my heart in my hands,
just to see it get ripped from my grip once again?

And over again.

Is this something we can not evade?
Standing here upon our last legs
Taught from the cradle to the grave
that this is the way we should be

The way we should be


This one is the first single from my bands upcoming Hard Rock album, you can check it out at the link below if you'd like. Our name is Negative Feedback

**http://www.reverbnation.com/negfed

These tired eyes are desensitized
from every lie I've been supplied
but I watched the tides
and rode the winds
yet still cant pretend
I wouldn't do it again.

Even if lose or win
      Even if sink or swim

Shes in my heart
in my mind
but not inside
my arms or eyes
this void can not be compromised
with nothing short of loves demise.