Sick of faceless
nameless
conquests
Im driven to the point of madness
Anonymous
mistresses
give little purpose to exist
They find no way into my chest
through the roadblocks you erected
around a heart thats left neglected.

Just a prisoner
doing time
in his own mind
counting days
by scratching tally marks
on the inside
of the walls
that are his skull.

It doesn't hurt as it once did
Your silence killed the heart I hid
The love you claimed faded away
When you refrained toying with me
Gaining momentum, more intact
Less and less I'm looking back
Moving forward without you
No longer makes me come unglued
Youre part of me starts to disjoint
As you become a vanishing point

Ive heard it said a thousand times
Out of sight, out of mind
All too often I come to find
That in my heart it still subsides
I guess it don't apply to mine
Heavens know how hard Ive tried
a way to hide it deep inside
Though cast aside from prying eyes
I can not bury, no demise
Some things cant be undermined

Shes in my heart
in my mind
but not inside
my arms or eyes
this void can not be compromised
with nothing short of loves demise.

You are no beauty queen to me
i see the colors that the others do not see
You'd like to think that you're unique
but there are other fish just like you in the sea

Its only skin deep

Aphrodite high and mighty
sitting on her throne
thinking that she holds the rights
to any love I own
everything that you invest
goes into vanity
unknowing that most beauty
is a fading commodity

You are no beauty queen to me
I see the colors that the others do not see
with your vanity and conceit
you will never be complete

Its only skin deep.

Every time
you unleash your monster
I do as well.

You were just a tool
a device for me to use
an excuse
a morose and twisted muse

My artistic ruse
a scapegoat for me to point at
for my own self abuse
another bad habit

I knew your words were lies
So I figured why cant I?
A lustful premonition
a loveless alibi

I knew you couldn't save me
I knew you couldn't help
I always knew that your ambitions
only served your self

There was never an us
ever a you and I
there was never trust
just two criminal minds

So I chose to play the victim
labeled myself a toy
I see the colors of your prism
there was nothing to destroy


*I can only assume you ladies liked this because I'm obviously a terrible liar

I sit here at the bottom
and yet no one knows
Who is to reach down?
Am I afraid
or ashamed?
I don't want your help
too proud
and hard headed
to save me from myself
focusing my energy
on what is inferior
instead on every single thing
that makes life superior
I can act
I can laugh
and in fact be that man
you only see that half
as I stand unabashed
Refusing to change
but I want to evolve
Let me do it my way
with my own resolve
as society steps backwards
towards Neanderthals
I wish to destroy this
I wish it to fall
I don't want compromise
to be the way this is solved.

How was I suppose to know
how deep these wounds would really go?
Sinking to a new low
for how cheaply I've sold my soul

Feeling like an animal
in a cage with no room to grow
Treated like a criminal
convicted of all that you stole

I am hollow
my time borrowed
die today
live tomorrow

Whys it so subliminal?
around these issues we tip toe
Pain is more than physical
from hitting bottom of this hole

Couldnt be more miserable
but I guess you reap what you sow
I suppose I'll let it go
and tumble on down this spiral

I am hollow
my time borrowed
die today
live tomorrow

Its the bed that I made
foot in the grave
whats left to save
with everything I paid?

Say that Im imbalanced
at least that is how they challenge me
In a sick society
saying we're free
from every inch of our own humanity
Insanity is sanity
or is it the other way?
Provided too many choices
In which direction should we pay
or pray?
Their definition of society
is no way to be
Bankrupt from paying in
to the American dream
with invisible bank notes
slowly ripping the seams
have us warring with each other over distracting means
Seeking balance chemically
keep spilling the beans
as long as Monsatos patent isnt infringing
Abortion, gay, race and religious cards
but the deck is stacked
and I'm just miserys bard
watching them play their hand
even though I have resigned
from the ignorance of my homeland
and their mispointed signs
Exposing the truth
just to be disregarded
among the dispute
of the empty hearted
Yet I still scream
at the top of my lungs
it isn't what it seems
upon deaf ears with no outcome.

Nothing lost
nothing gained
everything remains the same

plain and simple
simply plain
still I play the same old game

Overtly numb
surpassing pain
wishing just to feel again

I try in vain
to make it wane
inflaming all which I maintain

Seeking release
searching for peace
from this savage masochistic beast

Perhaps our story ended,
and we turned past the last page.
Nothing left for amendment,
the path before us laid.

This book met a conclusion.
What a fairy tale it was.
Maybe just an illusion,
the heart and mind plays tricks, it does.

Yet it all just seemed so true.
Who knew,
it would be just like a movie?
People dream to exist like this,
instead they live assuming.

I backtrack through the chapters,
nearly driven insane.
Forever chasing after,
a retelling of our claims

Perhaps someday I'll feel the same
evolve beyond these throes.
In days those passions were untamed,
where every ending goes.

You know I tried to reach you
but you just slapped away my hand
Why implore or beseech you
when you don't want to understand

You're too afraid to face me
as I give chase haphazardly
hoping to retain validity
vividly in your memory

Like trying to wake the dead
sleeping beauty in her bed
poisonous kisses in my head
the bitten apple of my disgust

Thats all you ever want
(Wake up)
  thats all you ever wanted
  (Wake up)
   thats all you ever need
     (Wake up)
     thats all you ever needed

Remain at rest my dear
leave my pleas to fall on deaf ears
Stay comatose my precious
restless attempts to rescue us.

I'm not the boogeyman
I'm not the one to run from
I have done all I can
to quell all that you succumbed

All I can do is dream
I only can remember
and think of what could have been
before it was dismembered

Love is what remains
When passion
burns all else away.

My clasped hands were unseen
and my prayers went unheard
I tried so hard to believe
in its contradicting words

So many await the touch of god
that so often fails to reach them
so we buy into the facade
and accept its requiem

Substituting the divine
with the fabrications of man
wasting precious time
just trying to understand

Is it god who is invisible. . .
  or is it I?

I had it all at one point
then lost it all the next
I must admit it humbled me
with what to expect
but if you expect nothing
nothing is what you'll get
and I will confess given the chance
I'd do it all again

I am picking up the pieces
of my hazy yesterdays
before my timeline ceases
with all I've broke along the way
Although I am a wreck
I know I tried my best
I laid the path in which I step
with stone my words are etched
Can you say the same?
Can you make such claim?
I stand by my decisions made
and I have no regrets.

Growing weak
getting weary
why even speak
when you dont hear me?
Sick of secrets
tired of lies
exhausted by unanswered whys
continuously sacrifice
only to be empty inside.

I liked feelings better
  back when I was too young to really
understand them.
  I have become too familiar to their touch
that once used to run chills down my spine
  and the ones I once impatiently awaited
Do not cut as sharp as they once did.
  perhaps its the memories
that paint a more vivid picture
  for that I am not sure.

Hurting myself
just to see if it helps
because there is nothing else
The gears have stopped turning
the passion stopped burning
its beyond my discerning
Every decision
fuels the addiction
of my own self affliction
I've loosened my grip
on everything I wished
in this ignorant bliss

Check out my band! We are a Detroit Based Hard Rock act. Alot of my poetry usually winds up in this project.

http://www.youtube.com/ModernDayMonkeys

Our existence is but conception
Humanity but an egg in the womb
It is born
shaped into a toddler
becoming adolescent
into a teenager
young adult
middle aged
and onto elderly
but in the eyes of the universe
We are but ***** cells
on the outside of the vaginal cavity
beginning a long swim
So stop acting like you know everything.

If only it was real
if only it was true
Made to feel its me
but most is probably you.
If only I was wrong
if only this was right
if only we belonged
Where we pictured in our minds
If only you would answer
if only you would show
While this grows like cancer
Killing in its throes

I've been sent enough
by insecure women
attempting to garner my attention
by exposing their body
which means they don't realize
that a picture does not bear their soul
and I never was that type of man
to be stimulated by the superficial
I have gigabytes worth
In a folder I care not to look at
way back
in my hard drives cache
yet cant delete
luckily for them
I'm not the type of creep
to share them with the world
but you,
you are special enough to me
that I don't need a visual reminder
when its burnt into my synapses
for as long as I live.

Let us leave
the decaying cities of our forefathers.
Let us take our last steps upon their blood stained streets
and their disease ridden erections.
Let us return to the sunlight of the meadows
free from the shadows of the skyscrapers.
Let us choke down our last fill of chemically tainted drink.
Let us swallow their last mutated nourishment
Let us unclasp our hands from prayer
to the false gods
calling true spirituality fallacy
In a land where all are strangers
let us look into our neighbors eyes again.
Let us become masters of craft
and not jack of all trades
Let us find true happiness
and not substitute it with ignorant bliss
Let us pump blood back into
vacant, desolate hearts.

Let us destroy the voids within our souls
before it swallows humanity whole

Some things just cant be replaced
the look
the smell
the touch
the taste
Some things cant be rediscovered
by flocking to the arms of others
This rampage does me little good
although I knew it never would
it is more vengeance
than it is closure
from the days I used to hold her.

Over the years
all that you said
the glimmer in your eyes
with the way you looked at me
The words exchanged
those perfect moments in your arms
regardless of how seldom
and far between
they may have been
neither of us could escape
the passion shared
in spite of the short distance
that seemed a million miles
or how fate
always seemed to bring us back
to each others presence
as if time and space deemed it
which we always returned to
as if it were yesterday
when we least expected
but its your silence
that almost convinces me
it never meant a thing.

Tied to the stake
for leaving so many hearts
bewitched
She appears strong
as she glides past the labels
and finger pointing
knowing the mockery
is by those afraid
to look into themselves
but I know
of the tears
that fall behind closed doors
Which are never enough
to squelch
the fires they light

Fire in one hand
liquid in the other
clutching these crutches
with feelings to smother
the pill
the powder
the *****
these people
my heart on my sleeve
soiled by the deceitful

I hope you choke on my heart
as you devour it before me
relish every part
knowing the pain it brings

I will smile as you do
while your gaze turns to disgust
I even gave fair warning
that my love was poisonous

I stood with open arms
for far too long.
Through every slap in the face
and low blow
cheap shots
from those who oppose
crooked stares
sarcastic tones
but its time I protect my groin
and change my stance
there will be no other
kick in the pants

Thats how I sometimes feel
when I put so much work
into a certain poem
that goes unnoticed
while a ten word
I thought up and wrote in minutes
trends.

Flowers whither in my hands
time pulverized to grains of sand
I make walls fall within my presence
I'll stomp your faith with no repentance

I take love and make it sour
Create eons within an hour
Any taste
I will make ash
Paint your life white
and laugh unabashed

Im the warden
who made sin
as matters worsen
inch by inch
I will miscreate these stints
with my Midas touch of ****

I could write the poetry
about my concerns
Inside a society
where no one listens or learns
They would rather fan the flame
and watch it all burn
Take everything in vain
for nothing in return
Leaving little for their children
but tainted water and scorched earth
raised with the belief
in ancient fictional words
Who cant see it as a story
about wisdom pursued
they'd rather sit in ignorance
and see it as a whole truth
In constant dispute
as it all comes unglued
the problems ensue
instead of starting anew
Veils wrapped over their eyes
then they act surprised
when found tangled up in hell
with the decay on the vine
content with the leadership
providing them lies
instead of thinking for themselves
they follow misconstrued ties
provided with the wealth
of being told they're just fine
but you are nowhere near it
and neither am I

I could point out all these matters
that it seems they forgot
but it falls upon deaf ears
afflicted with brain rot.
Lord knows I tried
but why give it another shot
just to be discredited?

I'd rather not

It was a long fought battle
and I accept I lost
but the hardest thing to fathom
is the part of me it cost
I would have gave it gladly
a casualty of war
but now I see its sadly
just not worth fighting for
I flew this flag for love
but now its a white banner
my resolve left snubbed
because its not what I'm after.

A brand new lock
in my hand the key
No longer home
just leave me be
The lights are off
this abode looks empty

Am I a prisoner or am I free?

Picked up the welcome mat
barred the doors
got a guard dog waiting
on the living room floor
No soliciting sign
for those peddling ******

opportunity wont be knocking
for you anymore.

I'd like
to tickle your belly button
from the inside.

My shell is peeling
making me feel exposed
naked
all because
I am opening
like a rose
but afraid
its petals will fall too soon
to the harsh conditions
of this world
With icy apathy
neurotic neglect
and scorching storm
crashing against
the rock hard surface
of my own creation
cracking
yet unwavering
far longer
than it should have
but with it
evolution
ready to share
part of me
with the world
like a dead dandelion
scattering its seeds with the wind

No matter how dark
that same old path I travel
or how long
I keep my feet from walking it
My muse
that I cannot call ugly
in any way
rears her head
and we meet eye to eye
I dont know
how she finds me
that evil *****
has a way about her
Knowing I'm fooled
without flattery
as she asks
how it is I do it.

Nothing but a giver
surrounded by takers
My mind left in slivers
from figuring the fakers
I try to convince
myself they give a ****
at my own expense
Im proven wrong again
as if heartlessness
is a trait of the strong
waiting weakened, wishing
that my own was gone

For **** sake
please refrain
from using the term
"bae"

As I followed my heart
I left something behind
must find my way back to the start
In attempt to reclaim my mind
Upon this lonely road
I wasted so much time
believing what was told
following mislabeled signs

I wont decay in apathy
or partake in the lot
nor follow in the ways
of this mind numbing rot
If this is your definition
I have to insist
in refusing this mission
to carelessly exist.

I was lucky
to have that once in a lifetime
feeling. .
that most probably never get the chance to
that feeling where time stops
and immortality arises
where nothing mattered but now
I just wasnt lucky enough
to keep it.

Go ahead, make the cut
just make sure its deep enough
Go ahead, tie the noose
just make sure to tighten the loop
Go ahead, throw the switch
just make sure to finish this
Send the bullet through and through
just aim true before you shoot
Complete what you once began
and maybe I can live again
I've died too many times before
and tire of this repertoire

Once again I subject
myself to the neglect
and the same heartache
Ive come to expect

Once again Im subject
as I try to negate
everything inside me
that I have come to hate

As all my good intents
fall into worthlessness
creating this joke
at my own expense

Who I thought were my friends
have all came and went
memories are the only
wealth that I have left

And i already know
I have been down this road before
seeing the same signs that I once ignored
And I already know
the results will not change
when all my actions still remain the same.

breaking my neck for
the same outcome as before

What did you expect?
I'm just a self saboteur

Love is nothing new to me
in fact it's getting old
the more I play this hide and seek
the further apart we grow
As Cupids face starts to decay
to a pale shade of grey
getting weaker with his aim
For his arrow to mark my way.

I may be an introvert
but I am not a loner
I have just been disappointed
by too many humans
time and time again
that when any positive emotion
or vibe is obtained
by the company of another
warning sirens
scream in the back of my head
making every mental
and physical scar
ache once again

Look no further
than the rings under my eyes
the grey hairs protruding from my head
the wrinkly working mans hands
the dirt from factory work
that collects in my pores and nails
the many physical and emotional scars I bear
the eloquent portrayal of myself
that I manage to express
in such a silly clumsy manner
my cynical nature
how being an *******
draws my closest friends.
the hollow chest
the distant stare
the pain in my words.
shows I've obviously aged myself beyond my years

like a tree, cut me down and count the rings.

funny how shaving still gets me carded for cigarettes occasionally.

At least I have that I guess.