For those who have restless nights as I
Thinking that my own hear sounds like it’s running away from me
I hold my breath to wait and see
The beat gets louder and louder closer and closer
My heart is racing at the idea of not having to race
But still when I let out my breath I’ve been holding in waiting for you my heart to be with me
The only thing I see is you further away
So my heart is not racing when I say you my heart are no longer my heart
You are an escapee of a fond memory
So don’t hold your breath I’ll only be further away

I used to watch you get ******
****** meaning high as a kite
But I can’t help but think of the old term
You have been ****** shamed so much so that you have forever been damaged
So you get ******
For trying to throw a rock so hard into a brick wall that you thought you’d leave a hole
You thought wrong
Instead the rock shattered and barely left a scratch
So you being you tried again and again
Leaving only a scattering of scratches
Your aim is always off
Stupid kid you’ll never get through that brick wall
Instead you’ll get ****** for throwing stones
By all the other kids who never had a wall blocking them
But you my friend
Finally broke through and in doing so you locked the door behind you
And left me your “rock “ behind
It’s fine
I’ll just get ******

At an early age we are told to wait
Be patient
I was never good at waiting
Always wanting life to hit me fast
Younger me wanted to be grown
Half grown me wished to be young
Fully grown me is going to look back and say boy was I dumb

Why must my brain go on these tangents
The thoughts of what my purpose is and why am I here’s that scream throughout my head
The ecos of a person telling me “I wish you were dead”
Inside myself I know this not to be true
But in reality in the cruel harsh world
I have no purpose
Nothing
We all die in the end so why bother
They say that we all have bad days
Maybe this is one of my bad days
Where the thoughts don’t stop
Of why I am alive to the how should I keep living
I don’t care anymore
They won’t stop ever
There has to be some sort of reason to be here on this earth
Maybe I’m stupid to think that
Maybe there’s nothing out there and it’s all pointless
In response to all of the void I will keep screaming
Even though no one will hear maybe someone will see me
I’m screaming to you
Who can hear me
Find your own point
So that when I find mine we can make a constellation in the stars.

Being sick brings a new meaning to doing well
I’m sick of being sick of everything
The way I live
The circle that I walk in day in and day out
I’m sick and though I’m coughing and scratching at my throat knowing it will only get worst
It doesn’t matter
I could be on my deathbed and still want to write
Even if I’m not heard it will change the sickness of going nowhere into taking one step forwards
Yet repetitively I will always take two steps back
My steps are to the breaths I take
in and out
A waltz going in back and forth with no one to hold me
No one to be my one
The one that has the cure to my sickness
So when my thought spew out of this sick brain of mine, my words won’t scratch because of my cure
You are my one
My cure
It’s a tragedy within a tragedy that my cure was crushed under the boot of society
Broken from the nothingness of keeping you thoughts to yourself .
The fact is in a world with 7,632,819,325 people it’s next to impossible to find your one
Most likely they too were crushed
Crushed by the sickness that is our world and we are all desperate to find a cure
Some opted out
Others try to gain everything but in doing so they lose everything
Others focus on after death
A god can’t stop you from dying we are all gonna die one day
This is the cure
**** trying to out live death
If you hope so much for a heaven then make this life heaven
A heaven so grand that if heaven is real than it can only pray to be as good as life
Eternal life sounds like a pain in the ***
If I get a choice I think I’ll opt out
Short and sweet is a saying for a reason
I guess Forgot that while writing
My thought don’t stop so nether do my poems they are not short and sweet in my head
They continue on never stoping for breaks they are only silenced by the next thought which flows so loud that I can’t do anything but write for hours on end and then as if a tsunami I wipe out the city I built from endless poems.
It will never

A
Inspiration is found a thousand times over every day
And yet still there are those who struggle to find inspiration to get up in the morning
We have the power to find inspiration
And the responsibility to inspire
Which makes a heart heavy with despair
Making the holder of a heart not be able to find the way out of bed
Hearts are lost in the maze of anxiety and depression
And those who make it out of the maze must inspire those still in bed.

True beauty is indescribable
All you can do when faced with true beauty is stare
It is a shame when staring is considered rude
In reality when someone stares it means they are intrigued by another’s beauty
A beauty that forces you to stare
Can not be seen from the outside of one's heart
Only when a heart is on the edge of breaking can it love someone enough to stare into the meaning of breaking their heart
In turn breaking holds a beauty like no other.