i don't think anyone will understand
the pain
of being completely abandoned
by the people who are supposed to love you the most.

No one gets by without a scratch. No one survives a backstab. They leave scars that last. Kiss away my pain. That’s enough to drive a man mad, and tonight as you scream my name, our problems’ll fade away. For now.

Empty lies from a siren. “It’s alright” as I lay smiling. The only truth is behind the violence. It’s killing us both, or so I thought. “**** me now”, and you say with a  grin, “I’d rather not.”

I write stories and forget them instantly. Erase them please; “memories” I say peacefully and painfully they’re washed away, but never completely. It’s beyond me how I keep making the same mistake.

Empty lies from a siren. “It’s alright” as I lay crying. The only truth is behind the violence. It’s killing us both, or so I thought. “**** me now”, and you say with a  grin, “I’d rather not.”

If I start to believe, that it’d ever change. It’ll be the death of me, a little too late.

Empty lies from a siren. “It’s alright” as I lay dying. The only truth is behind the violence. It’s killing us both, or so I thought. “**** me now”, and you say with a  grin, “I’d rather not.”

You wanted it so bad? The truth? How deserving are you as a liar?

I love these people beside me. They don't look past me. They care about me and don't hate me for laughing. They ask me why I'm crying and they know when I'm lying and they'll laugh with me even though they see my smile is dying. Even though I'm alone at these tables, all of no one.  I'll spin another fable just to remain numb. You see, I watch, I learn and I listen. I hated seeing all these cut wrists and so I stopped everything, and quit *******. I was alone for a while. I guess I wasn't fit for the dog-pile. I wasn't smart enough for the nerd **** and I wasn't cute enough for the cool kids. I learned to fight for your life. It was do or die. I was living outside and dying inside. A constant fight for myself. Now I'm back there; stuck in my hell. Everyone's got it worse than me. So why do I get to complain?  Because everyone is impacted differently, in different ways. I shouldn't at all really, but no one could punish me more than me. So just hug me tight and tell me it'll be alright. At least for tonight.

I want to write you a song, but I shouldn't. I want sing these words, but I couldn't. I want to make you smile, but I wouldn't. I want to write you a letter, but how would I put it? I can't even help myself, so how can I help you? I can't stop lying to me, so how do I remain true to you? I'd give anything not to be useless, but my efforts are fruitless to be nothing but ruthless. I think now's a good time. I'll just leave everyone behind and for a while I'll just be mine and I can finally be safe in my mind without these demons inside screaming, "JUST DIE!" Just let me be me, and please, leave me be. For now at least. I'll be back, but don't expect to walk on me. Not again.

I should hate you
I should want to burn every single picture of us
into flames and laugh about it
I should be able to listen to a love song
and not think of you
but I can't

I should be able to be with another boy
and kiss him and hold his hand
and not think of you anymore
and how we used to hold hands
without either of us realizing it
and it just happening

but the truth is
I can't hate you
because no matter what I do or where I go
or what I listen to
you're the one that has my heart
and even though you broke it
I still love you with all the pieces