today was good until i ruined it
so let's pack a bowl and take another hit
because i've got so much to do
but all i want to do is you
-
i want the walls to start moving and the furniture
to rearrange
maybe i'll move with them
get up get going get out of this place
(it's all a ******* joke, anyway)

but i don't even mind all the time
because I have always been laughing along

It still hurts every day
But I'm trying not to think about it
Why do I still feel lonely
In between the people I lie with
I keep my mind numb
Because every time I have a minute
to myself
I think of you

And now I have panic attacks
It's you trying to get through to me
I can't escape the suffocation
I was never taught how to deal

When we fell in love
The sky was blue
And it was new.
When everything was good
The sky was blue
And I wanted to be you.
When you said forever
The sky was blue
And we would stick as glue.
When we had our first fight
The sky was blue
And I had no clue.
When I drove away crying
The sky was blue
And I had not a single clue.
When we felt disconnected
The sky was blue then too.
When we lost each other
The sky then was the darkest blue.
...*I think the sky is still blue.

Father mosquito
drank my blood
and promised me
that there was a lot
to live for:
***, money,
women, love,
food, water.

But *** is only worth
the ten seconds
after I ***:
the ten seconds
where my body breaks
but not my heart.

And money is an idea
that belongs to someone else.
So, the money I have
never really is mine.
The things I need,
I'll never have.
The things I have,
I'll never need.

I do love the softness of women,
Father Mosquito.
You have understood me
once.

It's just underneath
my skin.

But you say love
and no love
is as important
as self-love.
No lips stitched into mine
is worth the feeling
unless I understand my worth,
and you're currently
*******
it
dry.

What happens when food
loses its taste?
And water is no longer cold?
What happens when
my body fails me?
Drink my blood
since it is yours, too,
father.

It's just underneath
my skin.

This year will be bigger and better and involve less time in bed or possibly much more and this year will be loud and there will be bright lights and high heels and there will be hand holding and so many ******* hugs and I will eat pasta because I love pasta and I will not feel bad about that and I will make plans and then not cancel them and I will show up despite the knot in my stomach and I will laugh way too loud because I can and that is a beautiful thing and I will treat new acquaintances like old friends because people like it when you do that because it makes them feel good about themselves and I will make people feel good about themselves because that is a beautiful thing and I will feel good about myself because I deserve that and I will eat three meals a day and exercise and sleep eight hours a night because I deserve that and I will buy an unnecessary but adorable sweater every now and then because I have earned that and I will tell people I love them because they have earned that and they deserve to hear that and I will mean it when I tell people that life is great because I deserve that.

We used to spend hours
driving around looking at houses and
I never understood why you went to
the middle class neighborhoods
with the big homes that all looked the same and
pointed to the ones with
heavy wooden doors and thick brick walls
and all the cars in the garage and
called them your favorite
until I heard your voice crack when you said
they just look so sturdy
and I knew that
your walls were rotting and
falling down and
your foundation was cracked and
your windows were shattered and
the ceiling was starting to
cave in and
you liked the
big homes with
heavy wooden doors and thick brick walls
and all the cars in the garage because
they were
strong
when you
weren't.

Well this 2014 is finally drawing to a close
Looking back what do I see
Ebola
******
The massacre of innocent children
Countries where the bullet and bomb rule
In the name of religion
And yet amid the madness
The carnage
I still see beauty
Beauty in unspoiled landscapes
Beauty in a simple wild flower
I also see love
The old couple on my street
Married for over 50 years
Young mothers with young children
The old couple are content
They have lived and loved through times
Both good and bad
But the young mums and dads
With the young kids
What does 2015 hold for them?
Peace and happiness
Perhaps,
There is still beauty here but in another form
That my friends is the beauty in your written words
Words that bind ethnicity and religion
Into one family
That is our family, hellopoetry

I wish you all a safe and peaceful 2015


Joe

This is what she looks like when she's sad:
The human condition effective immediately.
Winter shades shift side to side,
exploding out of each iris.
Skin falling off,
when lunging forward to kiss me.
Fingernail daggers dig into my pores.
I'll bleed under her fingernails,
if she'll drag them down my torso
until her knees click the floor.

This is her tongue inside of my mouth:
We taste each other before we waste each other.
Hip bones parallel and our eyes rubbing shoulders,
my hands surfing her rib cage
and it's all the rage because she moans.
And when she moans,
color tones orbit around her head.
Planetary tumors dancing around her skull;
jump roping with her hair,
eating morals and removing plurals.

Those are her lips around me.
Her head moves up and down
but her eyes focus on me.
She makes eye contact
and I empty my dreams
into her mouth.

We are a public forum.
I ache with alcohol poisoning
and liberal undertones.
The terrain that is my face
bleeds oils that would lubricate
the axle of the car that she drove
into the tree
that we carved our name into.

Come back to me.
I miss you so much.
I watched you die.
I watched you die
and there was nothing I could do.

They told me that she wouldn't make it.
They told me that she might make it.
My hand gripped at blood stained blanket.
I think she said my name under the air mask.
I could tell if she saw me;
her eyes rolled back into her head
after she gazed a thousand yards away
into the field of black
that sheltered the tall grass
that we would chase each other through
and get lost in
as we got lost in each other.

I love you! I ******* love you!
My back, a membrane coil
that rises my stiff neck
that cares my head full of memories.
I turn on the light and you're not there next to me.
I put my hand on your copy of The Thornbirds
and know that you've read it more than the notes
I leave in your inbox,
hoping that it'll say that you have seen it.

Walking to your grave,
I am a darkness that the abyss has swallowed
and I have followed myself into nothingness
that is such bliss
that I forget
your kiss.