My insides churned up in an inner turmoil
Thoughts jumbled and eyes grew moist
He looked, wide eyed full of hope at me
I stood there numb, wishing it was you with me.

My cheeks pale instead of rosy love
Scorning the man fate has written for me
Every little distance he inches,
I wish the distance was closing in between you and me.

His hands brushed against my knees
I struggle against this repulsion I feel for him
He's moving near, nearer; yet still far
He kissed my lips, but how do I remove the stains of your kiss on my heart?

Maybe it's in my mind, but he's using force
He senses I'm not with him in this act of love
His hands grow colder, he clutches tighter now
That moment he pulls me in, I let myself go.

I'm in this place I'm not supposed to be
You're sitting there looking at a framed photo of me
Your face is pale, you're thinking about us
I kneel down in front of you, you hold me close
Why didn't you try when there was still time?
What made you force me to say goodbye?
What made you choose your circumstances over me?
The society doesn't care, don't you see?
You mumble sorry and cry along with me
It's too late, we both can see

He's done with me, and I'm done with my daydream
He can sleep with my body, not with me
I'm still with you, when I'm with him
I'm still loving you, with him loving me.

**Forever yours.

I love you
and you love me.

But I love like thunder and lightning
and you love like the calm before the storm.

You are waiting for the call
and I yell to you once you’re already gone.

I never said I would be easy
But I also wasn't so hard
That you made me stand outside you
While I let you inside my heart.
 
There were nights I crawled
Into my bed, to never find warmth and peace
Keeping my side of our promises
Isn't easy alone, you see.
 
There were hours I spent
Waiting on you,
Only for you to arrive and leave;
While I, in all my foolishness, thought you were the antidote to me.
 
I fall down everyday
In trying to make us rise.
I silence them everyday,
Those tears that slide down my cheeks asking, "Where's the end to this sacrifice?"
 
Conversations with you turn stale
Solutions take turns insane
Is goodbye our closure?
Maybe, yeah - I should've known! "Happily ever after"s were never in my fate.
 
But before we do that,
Before I leave,
I wish you knew this,
I wish you understood my side of the scene -
I never stopped waiting on you, even when I said no
I never stopped loving you, even when you said don’t
And that moment you threw us away
I died, and continue to do so.
 
**Forever yours.

I had a heart
that was concrete like sidewalk
you had a voice like chalk

I swore I was going to
memorize your laugh
try to photograph
the way it would add color
to the grey gaps
where not even weeds would
dare to grow

it is too bad
chalk succumbs so easily
to rain.

In my mind, I break things.
I throw picture frames at walls
shatter the vase of wilting flowers
shove books out of their cases
rip apart their pages,
tear away their seams until they are back
to an incoherent soup of letters
and their well meaning themes and phrases
have become but what my life is,
poignant and pathetic.

There is nothing, no reaction.
I wreck havoc in my head
while I give a picture of composure
as you lecture me on how to live my life
when yours is nothing but in shambles.

In my mind,
I run away, take a train and live
to see brighter days.

It's one of those days,
where I remind myself not to let go yet.
But one of these days,
I'm walking out in to the sea and all you'll see
are the specks of gleaming water in the breeze.

It's Christmas day
Everyone's smiling
Everyone's fake.
Joy is lacking,
Emptiness is raging,
and no one cares
about anyone,
just everyTHING.
Why have we gotten
So superficial?
What has come
To the world,
That we should behave,
In such a way?
You get everything on your list.
It's still not enough.
You should be content,
But your fake smile
Is the closest thing
To happiness you know.
Your family is together,
But that may truly be
A bad thing.
Because, suddenly,
No one is themselves,
And you're all transforming
Into little Barbie dolls.
This Christmas,
Just like all of the last,
You ask yourself,
Why isn't it enough?
Well, I'll tell you why.
You're focusing on the wrong,
And not the right,
The bad,
Rather than the good,
Santa,
Rather than Jesus.