It is hard to see,
To tell myself,
You still are the guy
Who made my world better
Just by existing in it
One look at me, and
you would know
The exact words to say

I can tell it by your ways
That you find it hard to remember
The reasons why your
reasonings were swept away
And I became
The only exception,
The one to hold
The key to your heart

See,
Now I'm holding this white flag
I'm putting my weapons down
Can you see
The girl you used to be in love with?
Because I can see it clearly
You still are that guy
I would love to get lost with

Tell me,
How did things go so wrong
You won't even look at me
Without feeling a shame
I used to be your grace
What happened?

I'm sorry for all those times
I shoved you away
With those rude words
I put our relationship on a display
But I did not know any better way
To stop myself from loving you

So my mind had to do
Everything in its power
To keep a leash on my heart
Which kept crawling back to you

And in the process
I lost my best friend
I want it back
Will you let him
Come to me?
I miss him, so badly

I hope by now you have noticed
This world is far too cruel
Masks and treachery at every step
And I can't help but reminisce
about the good times
We were each other's safe haven

Our paths crossed,
Then we separated
And I was too bitter
Because you were the only thing
I wanted so badly to stay

I see it now,
So better and clearly
We still are the people
We fell in love with
Even though,
There is no romantic love here anymore
I hope,
For ever and more
We will be each other's best friend

The atmosphere is
too thick to breathe
Or maybe it is just
the unattainable expectations
keeping my wings still

The pen beckons at me
The paper looks at me
with this seductive appeal
The words in my head yell,
longing to be heard,
But I just can't get out my bed

I see the sun rise,
And watch it set
The next day I thought
Maybe it's getting a little wary
For I'm the flower that refuses to spread my petals
No matter if it comes or goes

When will they realise
I'm too reckless to be contained
Of what use is a bird
whose wings have been clipped off

The walls are all shades of wrong
I blink and I feel them one inch closer
Scared to close my eyes,
Lest I wake up gasping for air
My mind has forgotten how to sleep

And I wonder if anyone else
feels this way
If yes, why have not they found me yet
Is this the wrong world I was born in
How am I supposed to walk in
this skin that never fit me perfectly

I try to hide the chaos in my eyes
Because I'm the only assurance my people have
But I'm falling apart at a pace faster than I can hold on to this pretense
Can someone just
get me out of my bed

He is all
blooming sunflowers and rainbows
I'm all
darkness and reckless storm.

He is all
perfect moves and graceful steps
I am the
clumsiness tripping over myself.

He is all poetic verses and
how the sunshine tastes
I am the blot of ink scattered
all over the page

He is the name of the ache
my beating heart feels
I am the name of his forgetfulness
that is only confined to me

He Is the gentle summer rain, every creature appreciates
I am the extremity they warned you about in your books

He is the destination,
the only thing I have ever wanted
I am the blindfold, an illusion
Distracting him from his happy ending

He is the spotlight
of every party
I'm the 3am loneliness
the poets battle against

He exists a little bit
in all my poems and unfinished drafts*
I am the past he has long
buried
which no one knows a thing about

The kind of restlessness that does not bring you sleep
The kind of love that weighs your heart down, leave you to sink
The kind of tears that never dry, flowing abandoned and endlessly
The kind of hurt that spreads throughout your body, leaving you crippled
The kind of smile that always fails to touch your eyes
The kind of time you always keep running out of
The kind of life that kills you slowly

If this is a movie,
Let me tell you I want my money back

Cause last time you ever
wrote me into your story
I was the girl
who could not make it to the interval


If this is a book that you are reading
Lemme turn the page

Cause last time you ever
read me something
I had to wake up
to find you missing

If this is nothing but a game to you
Lemme tell you I don't want to play anymore

Cause last time we played hide-n-seek
You never started looking
And I had to yell
" I'm over here"

If this is a life that I'm living
Lemme tell you I Want to end it

Cause last time I heard
Life is only for the living
And I have already
started rotting

If this is an expectation, I'm supposed to stand up to
Lemme tell you I'm already slipping

Cause last time you
held me in your arms
I felt a noose tightening around,
Strangling and choking me

If it is death what you are scared of
Lemme tell you, death is the only privilege we all can afford

Cause last time I opened my eyes
I saw how biased life was,
Every one thinks they have a plan
But Life tricks us all

All I know
Since the moment
You decided to walk away
Is how many seconds
have passed
Before I lost track
Of them
As seconds turned to minutes
Minutes flowed into hours
And I still have not
seen your face

All I know
Since the moment
You decided to walk away
Is how you have been my shelter
From everything I loved
Which later on turned toxic,
How you have saved me
From drowning
In a flood that he
And his memories
Always bring

All I know
Since the moment
You decided to walk away
Is how I have been pouring
myself Out in you
And just when I thought I was empty
The momentary bliss would fade
And still
you would hold me
After the many times
I relapsed

All I know
Since the moment
you decided to walk away
Is everything has
gone less tender
Night comes with pangs
In the shape of my worst nightmare
But sleep never does
Days have gone monotonous
Meeting into each other
In a slurry blur

All I know
Since the moment you
Decided to walk away
Is that the symmetry of things
Around me
Does not look the same.
The lonely tree is crying
Dropping its jewel in
Early spring*
Please,
Come back

Beautiful, tragic and short
Who could have known
This is how it would end

Bittersweet memories
Fading and resurfacing
Simultaneously

A moment goes so fast;
A snowflake in a palm,
The evanescence of a kid's thrill

Exaggeration, some may say
But with every intake and exhale of breath
I still take your name