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Anthem May 2016
there are moments where we wish we could alter the past, but we cannot. we can, however, alter the future; and we must. there's value in a work-in-progress, but there's no respect in being remembered as a never-was. hear the seraphs cry, band together and march on! don't dismiss the ocean because the waves are thick. appreciate the waves, with their constantly crashing, breaking against the beach, one after another, towards infinity. with enough time, they will move mountains. can we not do exactly the same? when histories unborn ask of your contribution, what excuses will you make? what could you possibly say? that you mistook the concept of breaking for the finality of broken? that the effort lost meaning because you had nothing to say? you may not feel the blood pumping through your veins now, but you will certainly feel when it stops. don't allow yourself to be a tree, fallen, roots torn asunder from such resistance in the face of winds composed of change. if necessary, be the lightning that starts the spark that turns this stubborn forest to ash. if it won't bend, be sure it breaks! we are not intimidated by the scope of all this rebuilding. cherish such confidence. cry it from the rooftops. if actions speak louder than words, be the most deafening noise anyone has ever heard.
Anthem Feb 2017
faking an emotion in the form of an avalanche
and you try to run away
but it's all you can see
despite the best of intentions
it was far too late.

collecting yourself in the wake of an avalanche
and the silence is deafening
a bird flies above
free from the weight of the world
while you resign to sinking deeper and deeper still.
Anthem Aug 2016
its  near midnight on the 23rd (or is it the 24th?) when i find myself lost in the cornfield. there's a full moon staring down at me. every direction looks the same. my clothes are *****. i'm carrying a shovel. i'm sweating. every inch of my body itches terribly. i have one clear, perfect moment, before i find myself overcome by confusion and panic. suddenly, i'm running. the leaves that hang from the stalks are tearing at my face, my arms, my clothes. after a minute, i stop. i'm counting 1,2,3,4... i'm remembering how to breathe. why am i so afraid? it dawns on me that i have my phone, i can use its GPS to find a way out of here. hooray for google maps. i pull it from my pocket. as i'm holding it, the glow from the screen illuminates my hands and i see them, really see them, for the very first time. they're covered in red. i scream. it's more apparent than it's ever been. if i can't learn to control these feelings, they will destroy me. i hope it's not too late.
Anthem Nov 2018
the waves crash upon the beach
but still the mountain grows
though patience is thin
a sparrow dips and dives above the crowd
singing all the while
it's the clearest sound in the world

the wind picks up
there it is
that old familiar
thick enough to taste
if things were only still
buried coals finally catch
with new light
flame spreads
there is death and destruction in the hills tonight

aren't we all just the same strays
old and worn out and lonely
castaways
what else do they have to lose
lets see what we can get

the world looks very different tonight
the cloven rejoice under torn banners
crow upon a mangled throne
maintain a tangled crown
as if that's all that makes a king
Anthem Nov 2016
i could tell it was happy
the day i set it free
i've watched it grow
i've watched it change
i've watched it always
while i'm still the exact same
it beckons applause
it wins awards
it leaves a trail of smiles in its wake
there's always something it's working towards
i've watched it
ever since i set it free
and in all this time
it's never once looked back to me
Anthem Nov 2016
you pray for change
and hope it's enough
but hope springs eternal
and real change is always tough
you float down a river
filled with tears
buoyed not by faith but
weighed down by fear
tell me the truth
who do you think
will forgive you for this?
i'm not mad you didn't choose change
i'm mad change chose you.
Anthem Mar 2017
I left for the funeral but somehow ended up at your house instead. I let myself in and laid myself into your bed. I pulled up all the covers and cried for everyone who's ever lost another. I talked of was and when, and my fear of never feeling right again. I talked til my mouth ran dry and my lips ran red. I hugged the pillow that still smelled of you while I laid quiet and remembered you. A lock turns, a door opens, it's the sound of heavy breathing, it's the fact that you've been chosen.



What about me.
Anthem May 2016
she said "if only i was half as high, imagine all that i could see!"
i said "you could be anything you want, why are you living on your ******* knees?"
this ship is sinking and the captain is still here
buoyed not by faith, but paralyzed by fear
lost the memories that she'd always thought she'd keep
while i'm always missing the forest for the trees
and i never said that it was easy, or that i was proud of what i'd done
i've gargled six days with gasoline and still can taste the blood
i'd rather leave it behind and remember it as lost
i'd rather leave it behind and remember it as love.
Anthem Oct 2016
She said
I'll burn alive to keep you warm
I'll be your shelter from the storm
I'll be the coat for when you get cold
I'll be the chair when you get old
I'll light up the dark when you get scared
I'll be around when no one's there
I'll be the boat when the waters flood
I'll be whatever, this is love.

Now I sit here, all alone
In my dark and empty home
She left the spark that she had set
and I wonder how she could've forget
I don't know what she thought she'd find
Maybe a little piece of mind
She said she'd always be around, but where is she now?
So I wait, patient and scared
Each time I return, hoping you'll be there
Your whispers running through my head
I wish you'd never said those things you said.
Anthem Apr 2017
committed to a memory, a nuance, the fog.
committed to the barest of echoes.
no path on which to base ones life.
and yet, it's all i have.
and i can see for miles, and miles, and miles.
Anthem Dec 2016
if i'm being honest with you...
i haven't been honest with you.
Anthem Dec 2016
this empty house
won't wait for me
this hollow heart
won't comfort me
after all of this
what am i without the bruises?
why was i so willing to lose it?
stack the wood in a pile
with my body inside
let me feel warm again
i just want to be warm again
Anthem Oct 2016
moving down an ever branching path
dependent on neither his grace nor his wrath
pursued relentless by sickness born above
bathed in tears, covered in scars, calling it love
weighed down while crossing the diamond sea
burdened by faith and what it meant to me
this pedestal leaves but room for one
damnation dooms the rest who wallow under the sun
a letter written but never sent
more an act that what it meant
how do you save the one who begs to burn?
without the pain, how would we ever learn?
Anthem Jun 2016
I'm a liar
I'm a fake
I'm everything you create
I'm everything you hate
I'm trying to take it away from you
I'm trying to destroy everything you do
I'm the promises you'll never see through
I'm the ringing in your ears
I'm the pain that's been following you for years
I'm the voices in your head
I'm the reason you fantasize about being dead
I'm a hunger that's never been fed
I'm the reason your vision goes red
I'm the reason you're alone
I'm why you've never felt at home
I'm the caged birds song
I'm everything that's wrong
I'm everything that you try to forget
I'm everything that hasn't happened yet
I'm the three words that you'll never hear
I'm nothing and I'll never disappear.
Anthem Dec 2016
and i find myself wondering
how i would react on a sinking ship
would i reach for someone to hold?
would i look for a bottle of whiskey?
would i bash my fists and gnash my teeth
would i cry out and curse the sky
would i allow my tears to slip into the sea
and give to the grip of the grave that's reaching out for me?
or would i accept my fate with a smile on my face
content as it slipped beneath the waves
Anthem Oct 2016
as the cigarette burns and burns my fingers
glimpses of you as the smoke lingers
two lives on an ever branching path
wondering how other lovers make it last
tell the truth, even if your voice shakes
be the difference that hope makes
my mouth opens but makes not a sound
think of this moment when you wonder why she's no longer around
Anthem Jan 2017
You just kept saying
you didn't know what else to do.
I'm not really listening.
I mean, you're a stranger.
Why should I care?
A stranger with the face
of someone I used to know
of someone I thought I knew.
Now all I see is you.
How can anyone know how it feels?

[Keep it like a secret, safe inside your chest.
A toast to what's been taken, and cheers to what is left.]
Anthem Apr 2016
you went out that night
walking far from home
she'd begged you not to leave
but you needed to be alone
and when the walls came down
and the ceilings tumbled to the ground
you were focused on the earth
dissecting concepts of weight and worth
the sun was rising
when you hit the state line
you were running out of gas
while she was running out of time
god came heavy-handed
like thunder in the sky
the devil crept crept softly
to hear him was to try
you thought you'd understood
the idea of mistakes and regrets
you came to realize
you hadn't even been close yet
you should have been there to protect her
it was your only job
nothing left but the silence
broken occasionally by a sob
from your only silver lining
the child that you'd stole
half of her will live on
the only chance, a temporary soul
Anthem Jan 2017
recite aloud
your favorite verses
psalms ring out
with palms pushed tight together
infiltrate an empty church
find your way to the bell tower
weigh your faith
test the will of the people
swan dive suddenly
they'll never catch you
trust me
i've been through this before.
Anthem Jan 2017
Be honest, be free, give yourself completely.
Don't hesitate to make things.
Don't talk yourself out of doing things.
Be full and fit to burst.
Stop sitting and watching and copying.
Stop being dead at heart.
Let them have their TVs and cars and money.
Let them crawl in imitation.
Let them be common and dull.
Quit leaning on your beliefs.
Words are easy and cheap and petty.
Delineate yourself through action.
Anthem Nov 2017
I was supposed to go to the bank. You guys are stressing that I was just chewing the inside of my cheek and I'm trying not to watch the game or sit in silence. I hear him finish, for the time being anyways, but when she went outside to pick the grass, she found nothing but flowers left. She lay face-down upon the ground and wept. The I.V. drips, the days drag on. The applause is silent, and that silence is deafening. Despite all of that, despite the noise and the pain and the gore, that night you raced on home to mother, and you told her "Everything's going to be alright", and you know it is, because there's always enough love in the valley. Amen.
Anthem Dec 2016
she doesn't give me what i want
no, i don't know exactly what that is
but i know it isn't this
Anthem Jan 2017
you bent the knee
i pulled his tail
**** the pestilent
you preach betrayal
i wonder what's in your eyes and
on your mind
you just want to feel better
i'd rather cut you open and
count the rings
you chose to believe the lie
i'd like to burn the whole system and
mix the dirt and ash and spit
you know it's a road well-traveled
i've done it once and
i can disappear again.
Anthem Feb 2017
She said
Son, there is nothing special about you.
You come from a long line of regular people.
There was nothing extraordinary about me or your father
or our parents and their parents.
There are no prophecies or legends about your coming.
You aren't destined to do great things.
I leave little money and few possessions.
There are no great riches awaiting you.
There are no secrets.
You are you, and nothing more.

He said
Mom?

She said
That means
there is no path set out for you.
So anything you accomplish
anything you become
will be truly your own.
Anthem Jan 2016
Please, follow the light of logic,
but don't be blinded by it.
Heed your emotions,
but don't let them lead you.
Reserve judgement,
not compassion.
Above all, learn to love your smile;
the world is a dark enough place already.
Remember that you're learning,
and it's lovely.
I love you.
Anthem Nov 2016
we are both the same
in realizing that which we know not
a wisdom that is never learned
nor is it ever forgot

the difference then lies in the action
what we do with what we don't know
what kind of impact it has
on how far we're willing to go

will the knowledge leave you
shaken and frozen in fear
a massive lump chained to your ankle
the weight of which keeps you here

or is it more like a bird
untethered and allowed to fly free
the real difference lies in the choice
it becomes whichever you want it to be
Anthem Feb 2017
it's wild and it's wonderful.
it's haunting. beautiful.
i've never felt so devastated. or relaxed.
overwhelmed. cathartic.
this must be what they mean by 'a religious experience'.

it makes my heart beat different.
Anthem Sep 2016
as i lay down beneath that wayward tree i'm lost in a memory and all that it meant to me. if i had the choice to go back or stare into the sun, i'd stare straight ahead until my eyes were fully-cooked and well-done. a ship without a captain, a shrine without a saint, walking in wet cement, sitting on a bench covered in wet paint. hell isn't a place, it's what you've done to me, someday someone will do it to you, only then you'll see. is it better to be forgotten or never to be seen? to be lost in a crowd or left in-between? i am a spot of blood without a home, freed of the flock and left alone. i seek but shelter and a meal, a taste of something real. i was created to disappoint, like an pencil without the point. what's the point? what's the point.
Anthem Nov 2016
once upon a time
it was you that i adored
but now
you look different
Anthem Jan 2017
I think I finally see
I think I can learn to love the little things
When you love the thought of life
more than life itself
you start spending a lot more time in your room
Ignoring the phone until it stops ringing
It's all feedback and self-aware anyways
The reflection in the mirror is smaller
but just a little bit clearer
Can you keep a secret?
I scream your name
once more, just to see you
Pinkie promises and haiku
and everything that meant the world to me
Sleeping with stained eyes on warm summer nights
You know it's quiet
I just want you to call me baby
one more time with feeling
If I bought the plates
who cares if I break them?
I'm finally fine
I'm shaking.
Anthem Feb 2017
no worthwhile revolution was ever started
by a company man
someone with a family and a healthcare plan and a hybrid car
things they just "can't risk losing"
someone afraid to live behind enemy lines
someone afraid to bring the war home with them
you can't rely on someone whose welfare
is engaged in the cogs of that same horribly machinery
bring me the broken and the desperate and the forgotten
only those who've been denied everything
they're the only one's free enough to do anything.
Anthem Jan 2017
it never felt quite right
but that doesn't make it any easier to leave
no words, just tears running down your face
and the blood smeared on my sleeve
i thought you knew everything
you thought i could do it on my own
but i need more than this
i'm ruined to my bones
i'm run through. washed out.
lonely. forlorn.
so please, give me your hand
and give me what i need
give me just one more chance
and i'll bite the hand that feeds
Anthem May 2016
and the hardest part was to listen
while you sat and tried to explain
why you shouldn't have been hurt
by what was causing you so much pain

and if you say you never loved me
i'll know you're still a liar
and if i say i never wondered
i deserve every inch of this all-consuming fire

if i can't love you as a lover
i'll try and love you as a friend
these memories keep me warm at night
and safe until the end.
Anthem Oct 2015
the paints all peeled and the rust has set in
a voice says "you've brought this on yourself"
but it's already a fading memory
"just one more chance," he thinks
"with what i know now."
if wishes were horses, more beggars would ride them
the water is thick, and cold
but he presses on
she said she'd prayed for peace
but he knew she'd prayed for plagues
he could only imagine
some say time heals all wounds
and sure, things had changed
but time had never taken the pain away
nothing did
he mutters, preaching purpose and love
sacrifice and blood
eventually the water reaches his lips
all dialogue becomes internal
"better off this way," he thinks
"i never wanted a child anyway"
Anthem Aug 2016
ill tell you all my secrets
but ill lie about my past
less about the answers
what questions have you asked?

sermonizing on your savior
and how he'd save my soul
you preach the gates of heaven
while i stole communion from the bowl

and so i've bathed in holy water
i drank your dead gods blood
absolved of all my sins
never a word from up above

who is he to judge?
why does he get to decide?
the one who'll never suffer?
the one who never has to die?

so now i've heard you out
i'll stick to the path that i had found
you can lose your head in heaven
ill keep my feet on solid ground
Anthem Feb 2017
Thursday

It's another glorious spring morning, and I find myself struggling to find the beauty in it. I fear I'm engulfed in one of my "spells" again; I fear I won't be able to handle it this time. I know, it's not fair to you, nor I, nor us. I'm confused all the time. I can't read, I can't write, I can't think. I just wanted you to know that you brought all the happiness in my life. No one else could've made it better.
I know that I'm ruining your life. I know that this will devastate you. I know that you'll blame yourself. But I also know that, eventually, you will recover. You will. You have to.
I'd like you to remember me as I was, before all the terribleness. Remember me at the dock in San Diego, when you grabbed my hand and we fell into the ocean like a fever, or a daydream. Remember me when I dropped the turkey in front of everyone on Thanksgiving; when I laughed it off but you knew, and later you held me as I cried silently in the hallway. Remember me as a time of day, when the sun rests at it's highest and you trust it to never go away.
Not all experiences are meant for everyone. I gave it all I had. I gave you all I had. You were "it". You are it. It's not that I'm afraid I'm not good enough. I know I never was.
Loving me is like loving a house on fire. Leave me behind. I want to remember this as love, not lost.
Anthem Sep 2016
the speakers filled with music
surrounded by laughter and drinks
they spoke of was and when
what they wish and hope and think
varied topics came to abuse
and how it was hard to call the cops
but talking to your parents was the least that you could do

that's when he fell silent
with a thousand yard stare
an empty name with an empty smile
because there was no one there
stuck in thoughts he'd lost
buried beneath time
everyone has a crazy uncle
i was just left alone with mine
he noticed that they were worried
a genuine smile graced his lips
with plenty of time to ponder
no need to burden them with this
fleeting glimpses of memories
he's glad they'd never know
sometimes he's left alone
but they never truly go

i'm done with retribution
and delusions of revenge
i pray for restless sleep
i pray the ache to end
eventually it all comes flooding back
his hand upon my knee...
i'll never know what it meant to him
but i'll always know what it cost me
Anthem Apr 2017
I know I'm not who you want me to be
and I know it doesn't mean a thing.
Sometimes, I can still see you when I sleep.

and our house can't be a home
if I'm not allowed there anymore.
Anthem Nov 2015
we arrived at the edge of the clearing
hand in hand
i took care of the blanket
while you unpacked the basket
Don't you just love this time of year?
out of the corner of my eye i saw your nose crinkle
i smiled
you had smelt it.
it was impossible not to.
flooding the nostrils
like the first seasons rain down a dry desert canyon
gripped by a morbid curiosity
you ran to discover what it was.
i almost stopped you
we were having so much fun.
but then you started to scream
and now I've got no choice.
Anthem Dec 2016
standing on the edge
soaking it all in
while i think about
yesterdays surgery
and what the results mean
it looks real, tastes real
feels real, but
i'm too tired to appreciate
despite all that's created
i'm still so lost
and i want to believe
that the way i am doesn't
have to be the way it is
why can't it just be how i wanted?
Anthem Jul 2016
Wise men and fools wonder of the existence of God, of destiny, of life and what it all means. Some spend their entire lives in pursuit of the truth. Others worship at the feet of those who claim to know. There is only one question. You can love someone completely without loving all their thoughts, actions and decisions. Happiness exists in the journey, for there is no perfect union. It is said that love is patient, love is kind. It's accepting that flaws reflect our true selves and make us who we are. It's beauty is found in those moments of reconciliation just when all seems lost. The choice to persevere despite the unknown road ahead. Love is a continuous process. It is precious and it is wholly unique. Learn to make love stay and you can find God. Learn to make love stay and I can show you destiny. Learn to make love stay and we can truly discuss life and all that it means.
Anthem Jan 2017
i heard sirens through the windows
as i decide to clean up my mess
running to the basement
with nothing but a pillow
i'm beating her
and she's laughing
i lunge and land
directly on top of her
pressing the pillow to her face
i sing for glory, oh hallelujah!
she struggles, then stops
i cry as i lift the pillow
but i'm met by a smiling face
she was only pretending
right then, the door is kicked in

i awake in a sweat
that's the first time
i've ever dreamed of ******.
Anthem Dec 2016
and suddenly, we awoke
frozen and unable to laugh
your eyes burned right through me
strange thoughts on another nervous night

do you believe in karma?
the rope cuts through me
as deep as any knife

it might not be what i deserve
it might not be enough

i asked, but you gave me no response.
Anthem Nov 2016
we aren't always
who we want to be
but we are who we are
so let that be good enough
Anthem Jan 2017
and we're burning down the places
that we swore we'd never leave
you're all exaggerated gestures but
no one can tell just what it means
stumbling around with ****** knees
broken noses and a split lip
you're begging for the cure
we'll do whatever we can for it
the last book read was buried
so many years ago
all you want is to go home
but can't tell which way to go
and i've forgiven everything
that you said
although i must confess
i still want you dead
you pull me up
only to push me back
i'll figure it out myself
without the weight of what you lack.
Anthem Dec 2016
i sat in church
only to find
the devil at the pulpit

i went to the club
and happened to see
an angel on the dance floor

i've heard that god
is always listening
but i've seen the devil
and his arms were wide open
Anthem Sep 2016
you speak with an authority
you have no right to claim
pass on easy judgment
feel free to lay the blame
you burn in an impression
that it would spite the sun
all the irony is lost
you've earned it more than anyone
it's not so much an anger
more so just depressed
you passed right by the source
for a reserve with nothing left
you plant such soiled seeds
and cry when nothing grows
you complain of constant thirst
while the cup you hold overflows
you reach out from the covers
try to pull me right back in
i'm sick of infinite circles
this ends where it begins
sure, my shoulders chipped
eroded by your tears
the storm has only started
you'll find no shelter here
i don't want to forget
i want never to have known
i want it buried underneath
miles of flesh and blood and bone
from now you'll sing yourself to sleep
with all of those wise words
pray to a god i don't believe
this is the last of you i've heard
Anthem May 2016
Not all nods are signs of approval, relit cigarettes never taste the same, and most of those shining knights are just ******* in tinfoil. Concepts of breaking and bravery are intricately and intimately connected, not mutually exclusive. You never thanked the ocean for your ability to swim, so why thank someone for your ability to survive? You’ve learned all of this on your own! We’re all stuck, stumbling, searching for a narrative; just remember that, one day, all this blood you’ve spilt will be the inspiration that sets you free.
Anthem Jul 2016
They told me to start anywhere. This seems as good as any.
I hadn't talked to you for four days. You text me ever night, letting me know you were at your moms, you'd be sleeping here again. I figured I'd give you some space, but after two days of that I was planning on stopping over. I came home after work and noticed that you'd been by during the day. Your clothes were shuffled; one of the drawers was even left open, like you'd left in a hurry. Your toothbrush was gone.
Figures that when you finally come home, I'm in the bathroom.
It's been hours since you left and my head is still a mess. As I bend down to wipe the blood from the ground, I can still hear you say "It's probably better this way."
As I lay down, I know I'll find no solace in sleep. You told me I'd brought this on myself. You're right. But I'd burn this entire city to the ground if it'd bring a light to your eye. "Just one more chance," I muttered, "with what I know now."
I stare at the ceiling and a fire burns my heart. I bite my tongue until blood fills up my mouth. I'm counting "5, 4, 3, 2, 1...". I'm remembering how to breathe. We speak of everything, except what it's really about. As you left, I screamed "I hate you!" But what I really meant was "I love you! I'm sorry! Please, don't leave!"
I must have gotten up when I was asleep. I'd never been a sleepwalker before. But that apartment building didn't burn down undirected; that fire didn't start itself.
Anthem Aug 2016
take my hand
let's walk through a field
in the middle of a thunderstorm
listen as i try to explain
why you're still as beautiful and
worthwhile as the day you were born
watch the full moon rise
from the reflection in your eyes
somehow i'm drowning on dry land
everything i need is already resting in my hands
there's pure truth in these late nights
i'd rather sleep through the day
i trust you and the feeling you give me
i trust it to never go away
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