Everyday we struggle to find peace within us.
Everyday we try to make things work out.
Everyday we stress ourselves over things that didn't work for us.
Everyday we try to find solutions for it.
And everyday we hope to solve one day at a time.

At 3 A. M., when it's calm and quiet.
I lie awake, alone in my room.
All sorts of things come and enter my mind.
Like a speeding f1 race car.
Laying long tracks of happenings in my life.
When I should be sleeping,
My mind wakes me up and forces me to piece together my shattered life.
It wills me to seek answers to my simple yet unanswered questions
And to find motivation and purpose in this tiring cycle of crap throw at my face.

3 A.M.; there it is again. It comes crashing to my head.
All those that has been said and done.
All those which cannot be brought back.
Those broken friendships and failed relationships.
Those remarkable and irrational reasons given to me.
And how stupid I was for just accepting it.

At 3 A.M., I think about things that can't be changed.
And how it amuses me so much I totally forget that I was the one jeopardized.
I think about the times when I should've taken action; but I didn't.
Those times when I should've let out my side; but just smiled.
Times when anger took over; I just didn't want to talk.
And now I wonder, if this things didn't happen
Would I be happier?
Would I be contented with what's happening?
Or would I wish that it will be just like what it is now?

One day, after a seemingly quick but a long drink, I realize.
My life is so much better not knowing why.
I am successfully living my life
Peacefully contented with everything
But without those people who made me feel not worthy of even just a good reason.

I can't stop thinking. I lie awake until 3 A.M..
I don't know how to make my thoughts stop, so I figured a solution.
I wrote you a letter which goes like this:
"Hi. How are you? It's been a while since we last talked. Our friendship ended up with a cheap spat. How are you with him? Going strong? I hope you realize why I got mad. I lost control. Until now I can't figure out your reasons. It just doesn't fit in. But I accepted it anyway. So let's move on. I want you to know that I'm happy for you guys. I know that you're in good hands cause I experienced it myself. But please don't try and question about whatever's happening now. It is a consequence of your choice. I hope you understand that it comes with the package.
Forgiveness? It happened way before. But forgiving and forgetting isn't exactly what I stand for. All things come flashing back whenever we cross paths. So I think that this will take a very long time to fix. And before I forget, I'd like you to pass this message from me to that guy. "Don't try to redo that stupidity you've done to me because the extent of your damage is unimaginable.I am still mad at you. But, on the other hand, I thank you for doing that, because now I know who would stand up for me and who wouldn't. You also extended the line of friendships for me. And with that I thank you."
That's it. I hope you found answers to your questions."

Now at 3 A.M.
Though nothing is ever enough, I think that it will suffice.

A caterpillar emerges into the wilderness.
Born innocent to the faces of reality.
Started her life continuously doing what she's expected to do.
Eating fast, growing fast. Problem-free?
Isn't that what a child is supposed to be?

The caterpillar awoke into the reality that she's alone
Depression emerges as she grew stout.
Too focused on the outside that she failed to see the beauty inside.
Obviously intimidated by the other organisms living together with their same kind.
It ignited a great inferno in her chest.
She convinced herself that one day, she would want to be something else.

The fat caterpillar grew tired to all of life's disappointments.
What she only wanted was for her life to be better than expected.
Slowly she was loosing all the confidence she had left.
She fell fast asleep.

Caterpillar slept too long she forgot that she was a total disaster.
In the middle she woke, thought that it was just a dream.
The inferno slowly died. There came peace.
She knew that something is different.

Caterpillar emerged from her cocoon.
Thought that she waited long enough.
Figured out that it was finally time to move out.
She's now ready to face all odds.

As a butterfly.
She's ready to face life's challenges.
Soon will go flying all around.

My mind
Full of thoughts
Of the times
Now erased and part of the past
Painfully enforced to be left behind

First to blame is reality
That because of its brutality
With destruction as its ability
Woke me into the truth of the society
That toughness and confidence
Should be at the top of one's personality

He already loves you
He fell in love when you had no clue
He didn't come out of the blue
He waited for the right time when together you were due

She didn't see what you were up to
She could not bear the feelings and didn't know what to do
She tried but the reasons were few
She finally realized that everything was true

It was a magnificent view
It was only for two
Made possible by me and you