The season here is turning
The breeze is warm again
And flowers are growing anew

But it’s not the same as it was
The breeze no longer sings my name
And the flowers don’t smell as sweet

The peace that I once felt
Is replaced by confusion
And I feel restless in this place

I know what it means
Because I can feel it
That my welcome has come to an end

So I have to go for now
But don’t worry about me
Because I’ll still be around

Touch me where I can feel it
Pierce me right through the heart

Break me into tiny pieces
And carry me around in a backpack

Take me apart bit by bit
Until we’ve forgot how the parts go together

Burn me where it means the most
If that means I’ll feel something other than this

Take all the parts you need for yourself
And leave the rest lying in the corner

Just touch me where I can feel something
Anything is better than nothing

What does it feel like to be pursued
And how do you know if your wanted
It seems dumb but I don’t know the answer
I just know that I don’t feel it
And I can feel myself withdrawing
Not because I don’t want you
And not because I’ve lost interest
But because I can’t let myself get hurt again

I never knew what I wanted
What I needed from him
I couldn’t see clearly
Why I was unhappy and hurting

But I know what I want now
I know what I’m looking for
And I know what it’s gonna take
I know what I deserve

I want pursuit
I want him to want me
And want to know me
To spend time learning who I am

I don’t want to have to be first
I want to feel like I’m important to him
Like I matter and my feelings mean something
And I want to be chosen

I’m not going to give myself freely
To anyone who walks up to me
And tells me I’m pretty
And flatters me

I’m going to be the strong person I am
And stand on my own two feet
And make my life what I want it to be
If he wants me, then he’ll have to come get me

I know who I am now
And I know I’m good enough
I know I’m not unlovable
I’m not perfect, but I’m enough

I deserve to be asked on a date
And to be taken on an adventure
I deserve time and effort
And caring and compassion

I deserve at least what I give
And I can give a lot of love
And I care so much
I want that in return

In a way that speaks to me
And it may be difficult
But love isn’t easy
And neither am I

So I’m not selling myself short this time
I’m not settling for looks
Or good ***
Or a fun time

I’m holding out for passion
And strong pursuit
And caring about the little things
And not holding back

I will love people with all I have
And wear my heart on my sleeve
Because that’s who I am
But I won’t let just anyone have me

I’m a giver by nature
I give all I have
Before I ever receive anything

I’m reckless with affection
Pouring it out liberally
For the one that I truly care about

But I feel empty now
Bone dry and I’m not being filled
No one is pouring back into me

I don’t want to lose you
But I need more of you
More quality, not quantity

Because I give so hard
I fall so deep
I love so strong

And when I step back
I feel like I’m alone
And I’ve fallen further than you

My instinct is to withdraw
Recoil and protect myself
Distance myself enough to let you catch me

And I don’t want to say anything
Because what if it’s my imagination
And I’m just paranoid because I’ve been hurt

But what if my feelings are legitimate
Or worse than that
What if you have withdrawn from me

I’m unsure of the right move
And I feel unsure about us
My heart is torn up

I know I don’t need you
I can make it on my own
But that’s not the point

Because I would like to have you
I desire to be your everyday
I want to be with you

So I guess the real question
That I need to know
Is do you want me too?

Leaving you made all the difference
It changed me on the inside
Opened me up in a way I never could

I’ve found meaning the mundane
Purpose in the everyday things
That I have taken for granted

I see the beauty in those around me
I can love the little things
The little important things that I skipped over

I notice the details of my life
The small pinpoints
That are really just the tip of the iceberg

And the iceberg that’s uncovered
Is what’s been inside of me
It’s what makes me who I am

Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done
But it’s what had to be done
For me to find myself

I’m making steps in the right direction
But my feet still seem to falter behind
I can’t help but mourn the loss
Of someone I no longer wanted

Just because I didn’t want him
Doesn’t mean he has no value
But still he was thrown away
Like last weeks leftovers

But I don’t want him to go to waste
Such genuine beauty
Shouldn’t be left to rot alone
He deserves all the things I couldn’t be

And he will find it
I have to believe that this isn’t it
He’ll find the love and passion
And he’ll realize that he found better

I can’t think for a second
That I destroyed a life
So pure and compassionate
For my own selfish needs

I have to know that this was the right thing
I have to hold onto my truth
That we were holding each other back
From what we truly needed

I have to
Because the alternative
Is too much for one person to bear
And I would crumble under the weight

Love will land on his doorstep
Happiness will settle like dust
On the furniture in this house
Where he’ll still be, fighting alone

He will find freedom and laughter
He will find himself in the ruins
And I won’t be there
And that will be okay