I need to know you miss me
I need to know you still care
I need to see your feelings
You need to break that wall
That you hide behind so well
Almost 3 years
Gone just like that
Baby girl can't you tell
I'm living a personal hell
You told me I was beautiful
You told me I was yours
You told me many things
I could never believe from someone else
Losing you meant losing part of me
I have a hole in my heart
Where you used to be
I need to see you still love me
I need to see that you miss when I held you
I need to see I need to feel
I need your arms around me
I need your lips on mine
I need you sleeping next to me
I haven't slept in days
I'm too afraid
When I sleep I dream
And it only kills me more
We lay in bed and you fall asleep in my arms
I kiss your head and hold you close while you dream
I whisper that I love you
That one day you'll be my wife
I just wake up all alone
I'm pouring my heart out
I'm trying to make you see
You're the love of my life
It might be cliche
Baby you are the only one for me

Depression hits when you least expect it
You can't stop it
You can't put it off
Its like your personal hell
It grabs a hold with a grip of death

It doesn't plan on letting go
It makes you think
Makes you remember
All the things you tried to forget forever
Its like a disease

Its feeling like you're nothing
Useless
Worthless waste of air
A souless body empty shell
Walking around like a zombie

You can't sleep
You can't eat
You can't even muster a real smile
Your laugh is hollow
Your voice breaks

You lay in bed
Under your blanket
Music up too loud
Trying to silence your thoughts
It doesn't help

Nothing seems to help
No one seems to understand
I don't talk
I don't sleep
Don't know how to smile anymore
I don't remember happiness

Have you ever physically felt a heartbreak?
Have you ever drowned in your own tears?
Have you ever cried so hard your head feels like it's going to explode?
Have you ever wanted to die so your forget the memories?
Have you ever loved so strongly and cared so deeply, that when it's gone, you feel an immense amount of pain?
Have you ever wanted to be loved and wanted?
Have you ever taken pill after pill hoping you might not come down?
Have you tried to silence your pain?
Have you tried to silence your mind?
Have you ever woken up and just said I'm done?
Have you ever?

I'm so tired...
I'm tired of sleepless nights
In tired of hurting so badly
I'm tired of crying every single day
I'm tired of wanting to just cry
I'm tired of the pain
I'm tired of not saying I love you
I'm tired of not sleeping next to you
I'm tired of wanting to cut again
I haven't in 2 years but I need a release
I'm tired of wanting to drink every night
I'm tired of not having you
I'm so tired...
It's all killing me
Its all making it worse
I just want it to go away
I want it to stop
I'm so ******* tired of the pain!
Every broken piece of my heart finds a new way to break every **** day!
I'm tired of it!!

I want so bad to feel your lips on mine again
I want to feel your lips move against mine
Feel your hands pull me closer and touch my face
I need it.. I need to feel your touch again
I need to be wrapped in your arms when it's cold
I need the random hugs from behind and the surprise kisses
I wish I could feel that again

I want to curl up and cry
But I have to try and be strong
I can't show I'm weak or hurting
I want the darkness
I want the silence
I want the voices to cease
But of course they bring violence
I want to sit still
I don't like the tics
I want to look someone in the eye
And not worry about the hit
I want to be normal
In my own way of course
I want to be freed from my mental disorders

I always wanted to marry a beautiful girl
Nighttime wedding under the stars
I love the stars so much
The way they shine so brightly
Even though they have died
I love to lay outside in the summer
Spring or fall and look up
At the stars shining above me
Wondering how far are they all
It would be a dream to be married underneath them

It would be a dream to visit Ireland for a honey moon
See my ancestors home
Irish through and through
That would a dream come true

To see the world with my wife by my side
To take my baby on journies far away
Watch as my child grows up with two moms
And know they have seen a variety of cultures

I want a life worth living
I dream of being okay
Craving to be happy
Dreaming of "One Day"

My mind is racing
My pulse is slowing
My vision is darkening
I'm finally dreaming
Finally asleep
After so many days just laying there
Alone with too many thoughts
I feel numb and full of pain
I feel myself forever slipping away

Kisses can mean so many things
So many different emotions come from them
We all have the idea of a perfect kiss
From the time we are young
We look forward to that one perfect moment
When time stops
The world ceases to turn
Our breathing hitches
Our hearts flutter
That kiss for me is different though
I want to feel love in that kiss
I want my body to become warm
I want my mind to realize it's happiness and love coming from it
Not just an action two people do
God how badly I wish to be kissed

Come here child
Don't be afraid
I won't hurt you
I just take the pain
You've tried for so long
To forgive and forget
Its just too much at once

In your little head
The voices they creep
The tics they ridicule
The images inside
Your amazing twisting mind
All you ever say "why are you being so mean!? This who I am this is me"

I'm here now so come with me
We will take a walk in the summers breeze
You won't cry not anymore
You won't hide behind closed doors
Its all alright
Can't you see?
Its better this way
You're safe with me

"Looking at the reapers face
Knowing full well of his evil ways
I take his hand
He leads me down
Down down down
Deeper in the ground
As I see the last of the light
I picture the love of my life
I whisper into the dark night
I'm sorry, I'm sorry for being me"

I can't do it
Not on my own
He said he's helping
Helping me cope
I won't have to worry
I won't always cry
I won't remember the pain inside
I won't see your face
In the dead of night
Its just an illusion
A trick in my mind
I won't hear your voice
I won't miss your lips
I won't miss the way you held my hand

Come here child
Don't be afraid
I won't hurt you
I just take the pain
You've tried for so long
To forgive and forget
Now it's all over
Trust me my friend

I long for the I can smile
I long for the day I can laugh
I long for the day I can breathe
I long for the day that I'm free

I steal glances of you when you aren't looking
I say I love you only when I know you can't hear me
I cuddle with you and say how beautiful you are
I play with your hair and let you fall asleep in my arms
I can only do these things when I'm asleep
Because you are no longer with me
I die each day missing you
Holding on to our memories
Wishing it to be a lie
Wishing it wasn't like this
You got me to where I am today
I was able to feel love because of you
I was able to feel beautiful
I saw the light in the sun
I felt the calmness of the moon
I saw stars in your eyes as youd look at me

I miss you every single day that I am here and you're not.