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I left you believing I had things to do
I told you I was unwell
I told you my family and I were going away for the weekend
All the while I was with him
I told you I wasn't happy in our relationship
I told you all I ask for is everything he gives me
I told you I wanted you to be someone you just aren't
I wanted you to be him
I told you I would stay because you tried a little
I believed you when you said you wanted to help
I believed you when you said you could be what I deserve
All I ask for is a little
A little
Time
Hand holding
Soft caresses
Cuddles
And compliments
We've grown apart, our relationship stunted
It's not my fault
It's not yours
But it is my fault I cheated
Because what I truly wanted
Was him
You
He doesn't want me the way you do
He doesn't tell me the things you do
He doesn't give me the time that you do
He doesn't know how to kiss me like you do
He doesn't yearn for me like you do
He doesn't listen to me like you do
He doesn't put me in a daze like you do
He doesn't touch me like you do
He isn't you
Feeling lonely with the one you love isn't truly feeling
When someone shows you what you deserve, it's like magic.
But it's not the person you've poured your heart into
</3
Systematic souls caught in a rapture of the divine
To inhale tobacco of the smoothest brand so fine
A night of dance and rapture dear god
If you were mine
His eyes were those of a child fogged with wonder
A lesser sight to his engorged member
Rocking faster in fits of lust
Oh god
Will you be mine?
 Mar 2015 Death-throws
burned up
When I was 5
I wrote poems on printed sheets I would get at day care
about apples and leaves
and whatever inanimate object was within my vision
and I had to make sure every line rhymed
Or it wasn't real poetry
When I was 9
I wrote poems on loose leaf paper
but only for school
because I hated writing
because I thought I wasn't any good at it
That it wasn't real poetry
When I was 12
I wrote poems on the backs of my worksheets
but only when no one else was looking
because I didn't want anyone else to see
because even though I thought my writing was good
I was afraid that no one else would
That it wasn't real poetry
When I was 15
I wrote poems on my arms
with the sharpest object I could find
because my words didn't matter anymore
only what I felt
so I would feel in free verse
Until my words blended red
But that wasn't real poetry
Was it?
 Mar 2015 Death-throws
Shi Em
toxic
 Mar 2015 Death-throws
Shi Em
I was addicted to his smell,
but I couldn't help it, he was intoxicating;

His words got me drowning,
not only in thoughts but also in feelings;

He was like a drug.
and I could stop.
I couldn't stop

f
a
l
l
i
n
g

it was like a feeling of adrenaline;

they keep telling me to stop.
that I should leave him be.

and I should've listened, i should have.
because like all other drugs, he was dangerous and wicked.

and he turned out to be toxic for me.
Write it all
***, lies, secrets
Those things eating you up inside
The furious thoughts
Set them on fire
Your darkest kindling
Someone's gonna relate
They've all been there
We all live here
Write it all
Make money
Take money
Spend money
Invest money
Lose money
Find money
Save money
Crave money
Marry money
Earn money
Work for money
Live for money
Breathe for money
Not run out of money
We live for money
We die without it
Love doesn't feed us
**** doesn't cure us
Cigarettes don't **** us quick enough
Money money money
Don't you ever run out
...
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