The air smells like you
Like a bottle of givenchy
Cologne, except brand new.

Like the thought of me and you,
The thought of something actually being true.

I think back on that afternoon
Where we downed that whole
Bottle of cognac.

When you said the three words,
Your pronunciation so exact.

You saw all of me that day
And I admired all of your
Charismatic ways.

The lights were kept off
And I took in every bit of your
Neatly kept loft.

You'd said that I was the only
Girl you brought to your home
And for the first time,
I didn't feel alone.

And I remember all of what you said,
Every syllable, every vowel I clung on to,
Cause I always think back on that afternoon,
Praying that for the first time
What we have is actually true.

The freckles scattered across her face like maps leading me to a million different conclusions. She loves me she loves me not became a guessing game that I played daily, and it wasn't with flowers it was with the affection she gave me.

One day, I touched her cold skin and she winced in pain, I looked into her eyes and she said. "It's barely holding together." But I told her her bones felt like metal covered in soft satin and she smiled. "Liked I said," she whispered. "Barley holding together."

She was the type of girl that looked into the trees and looked at the forest, the wild things in the ground and the butterflies wings for she was just as soft and delicate. She was a rare case of the hiccups, she stopped your heart but always made sure it keeps beating after words. And I loved it. I loved how she had so much power over me, she made my knees shake like a train rushing down the tracks and when she kissed me she froze every part of my body. When I told her that her love for me was a guessing game she stopped and told me "Forever". She gave me words when I had none, the smoke that illuminated off her skin gave me a high that I ended up getting addicted to.

I loved her so much and she just went and killed herself. She killed herself and took a part of me with her because the day she said "forever" was a lie. She hated lies and she ******* stopped my heart like the rare case of hiccups she was and forgot to check if it was still beating. She left me alive but emotionless. Empty. She ended me.

The maps on her cheeks where a dead end.

as i stand on this street corner and watch these two roads meet, i finally feel at peace
maybe it’s because it’s my feet at the intersection of two distinct paths,
merging at a point of vulnerability
maybe because it’s a reminder of you and me
and a blissful bond we once shared.
without a care in the world,
your arms wrapped around me to shelter me from the cold.
two souls kept warm by each other’s company.
two hearts dancing in the rain playfully, two minds with the same thing in mind; you want me to be yours and i want you to be mine.
i don’t know, maybe i’m crazy.
maybe time has finally outplayed me maybe i’ve stopped seeing beauty in the little things, maybe i’ve stopped appreciating the gift life brings.
maybe i’m in over my head, or
maybe i miss the familiar contours of your body between the chalk white sheets of my bed.
i don’t know,
maybe this is normal.
maybe i stopped being myself after you left, maybe this is all a test.
maybe i failed and i
couldn’t clean up the mess
maybe thats why the rain suddenly feels colder on my skin.
maybe thats why whenever i try to apologize i don’t know where to begin or
where to end all these that I’ve typed in my mind to tell you i just
can’t hit send
maybe i ****** up and i won’t admit it maybe I’m a coward.
seems like I’ve got all the time in the world, maybe i should do something about it i mean
every minute without you feels like an hour
maybe I’m a fool for distancing myself from you
maybe that why i couldn’t end with that i loved you because for some reason
i couldn’t accept that
maybe
just maybe you might of loved me too