Can't sleep
Startled awake
Every turn
I see your face

Her innocence
You try to take
With no exit
Continue the chase

Always running
My hips, they ache
Strength to continue
I must find and embrace

Create an out
These walls I'll break
Try to heal
Memories that won't erase

Trying to take care,
Do the next right thing.
Save myself,
Just a human being.

Want to run and hide,
From thoughts in my head.
Supposed to be doing better,
Stuck here instead.

Told they will always be,
Like unwanted memories.
Sto fighting, learn to deal
With monsters and enemies.

Just want, to go home
Where I'm comfortable.
Need to stay, safe here
Instead I'm irritable.

Heavy
A small word.
One not felt,
Only heard.

Heavy,
Hard to discribe.
In it's grasp,
Already inscribed.

Heavy,
Consumed by heft.
Breaking down,
Nothing left.

Heavy,
A small word.
One felt,
Not only heard...

I know what's coming,
I want to run away.
Maybe a deeper disire,
Always makes me stay.

He slips in behind me
Cuddles and watches TV.
Then he touches me and moves me,
And never once with a plea.

His rythm begins,
One leg bracing me in.
Leaving his hand down my pants
Grabbing at my skin.

With fury and anger
His force comes to an abrupt hault.
Unsatisfied and unloved,
I'm left shaking, in fault.

A few days later,
We're in the same routine.
Cuddles and watching TV,
But this time, I turn away from the screen.

One leg bracing me in,
His hand still down my pants.
Grabbing at my skin,
I'm hoping for a trance.

With fury and anger,
His force comes to an abrupt hault.
Unsatisfied and unloved,
I'm left shaken, in fault.

I never gave you any space
Uninvited you've settled in.
Droning on, your nagging voice,
Taking over like a kingpin.

It's crowded up there, where you stay.
Thoughts of bills and pets, and raising my son.
But you bring more and squeeze them in,
Self-harm, starvation, and coming undone.

So overpowering you've become,
Even though I've lived with you for years.
I feel myself caving in more than not,
And walking hand in hand with who holds my fears.

Skipping meals and using blades,
Day dreaming of a world without me.
Maybe I'm keeping you here,
That just couldn't be...

With me I carry this weary load,
It seems as if to be a part of me now.
Weighing down, my shoulders slump,
Stress along my furrowed brow.

It eats away at me,  getting in my head.
Telling me how I'm better being erased.
Playing reels on repeat thhrough the night,
Wake up from fault being chased.

Try to let go but the grasp is strong,
For this load keeps maturing where I feel stuck.
I can feel it's weight but I'm lost without it,
Who am I but this sick ****?

To be free is to be anew,
And who am I to ask of such gifts?
Instead I take this blade of mine,
With each slice, weight temporarily lifts.

Exiled
Just like I was before
Trust lost
There was none to mourn
Heart aches
As if an open sore
Self-inflicted
On rages the war