Laying in bed, it's 4:00 AM
I haven't had a wink of sleep
my head has been a mess tonight
it's like I can feel Death creep

All I can think about
is taking those pills
there's so many of them
it'd be such a thrill

I can fantasize
and feel them go down
in all the pills I keep
I feel I could drown

I know it's not fair
to commit suicide
without leaving a note
or saying goodbye

But my energy is gone
I've been waiting too long
for Death to find me
and I'm no longer strong

This battle tonight
is taking a toll on me
waiting for the sun to come up
so I can be free

From the demon in my head
telling me that Death is calling
if it's really coming
I feel like it's crawling

6:00 AM, I'm still alive
the sun starts shining in my eyes
but the feeling is still there
Death didn't come, I'm left with whys

I spend my days
not doing much
just waiting for death
and it’s touch

I’m home all alone
and this doesn’t help
imagine I’m in the sea
strangled by kelp

Or taking some pills
that will do the trick
Death why do you make me wait
you’re being a ****

Life’s been unfair
I’m tired of games
I wonder if Death
even knows my name

I’m trying to be patient
that’s why I cut myself
ease the pain a little
with the razor on a shelf

But it’s not enough
demons are taking their toll
Death where are you
won’t you play your role

I’m tired of waiting
I’m putting an end to our truce
it’s time I did it myself
I’ll stick my head in this noose

My brain tells me nonsense
like to put down my defense
with self-harm’s flawless seduction*
I can feel the reduction

The blade glides nice and smooth
going over every scars groove
then beads of ruby gems form
falling gently, they feel so warm

No bandage needed, watch it drip
more slices, my skin I’ll strip
with no defense to say stop
I’ll keep cutting until I drop

Trapped in the sands of time
I feel as if I’m loosing my mind
I can feel myself disappear
it feels as if the end is near

There’s nothing I can do but wait
hopefully I will reach Heaven’s gate
I feel myself trickle slowly
through the hourglass I fit narrowly

Love is the reason for my demise
you can see the pain in my eyes
I fell for such toxicity
that love locked me up without a key

It told me life would be grand
if only I reached for it’s hand
and now I wait for my end
trapped without love or a friend

I wish I could just scream
and let my demons out
instead they’re stuck inside
and I’m in a drought

My feelings will not escape
I can’t cry when I’m sad
the demons are in control
turning everything to mad

They’re beasts inside of me
that I wish I could let go
but I’m in their grip
and it really shows

If I can’t get away
from the monsters in my head
maybe I’d be better off
if I were just dead

My brain makes no sense sometimes
you can see it in my poetry and rhymes
the craziness that goes on inside
like how sometimes I wish I’d died

It’s a weapon of mass destruction
with self-harm’s flawless seduction
I’m locked and loaded, ready to go
the fuse is burning, I’m about to blow

There’s nowhere to run for me
so writing it out is the key
to keep my head from blowing up
alone in this world without backup

I do what I can to keep it at bay
but I’m a serial brain, what can I say
the truth of the matter is I’m unashamed
of the fact that my brain is untamed

Forever you and I, together ‘til we die
at least that’s what the preacher said
but intertwined forever in this forest
is my plan now that we’re dead

Decaying together, we’ll be here forever
holding each other as if there’s no tomorrow
becoming the world around us now
tree roots for limbs I have borrowed

You just waste away, more decay
I hate to watch as you turn to dust
yet the forest just encompasses me
and my heart turns to rust

Now I cry, as I say goodbye
realizing how I’ll spend eternity
I’ll have become part of this tree
and you’ll waste away in front of me