you are the closest thing i think i have ever had to perfection
you are the cliche perfectly imperfect to me; you are the pathetic love story teenage infatuation boy who makes me smile more than i should when i think of you, the boy who makes me want to stay with him for the rest of the hours in the day, the boy who makes me wish i could stop time, the boy who makes everything feel right
you are what makes my day complete
your laugh, your eyes, the way you always smell like clean clothes, the fact that i have stuffed my head in your chest enough to know your scent, the way you're always warm, the way you do things just to make me smile, the fact that you always continue the conversation even when we have nothing else to say, the way you say my name when you're concerned, the way you hug me, the way you just touch my hair, the way it falls back from your touch as paralyzed as i am
you are more than just a boy
you are my 4am thoughts, you are my 2am thoughts, you are my thoughts all the time, you are the lead in my pencil, you are what forces me to write, you are why i look forward to the mornings, you are the reason i dont study and cant sleep, you are the reason i want to sleep, you are why i constantly stay on my computer during class, you are what fuels motivation, you are the only boy i cannot lie to, you are the only boy i have never wanted to lie to, you are the only boy i have ever thought was this worth fighting for...
there is an invisible barricade*
sometimes i stand in a pocket of space with you where it just feels right, where everything seems to melt away, where i go home and listen to songs and just think about you, and hear the words "we might be dead by tomorrow" constantly from my computer speakers, telling myself that one day i will send you that song so you can understand that today is for today because there may not be a tomorrow and yesterday has already gone, but i know that deep down i can never get you to understand this
your presence lingers far after you leave
when you walk away i don't want you to; i've never wanted you to. it sounds ridiculous but your presence makes me happy and i don't understand it but i just understand that i like the feeling and i don't want that feeling to end, and when you leave it does end, but you seem to stay in my memory for a long time after that
i am frustrated
i am frustrated with how much i happen to like you, with how much you impact me and how happy you make me, because this puts me out of my element, and i am frustrated that there seems to be so much potential between us, there seems to be so much happiness, i know things about you no one does, remember? and i will always be willing to learn more because i do not want to stop learning more; i learn more about you everyday...
i am scared, too
the prospect of whatever this is that we have, whatever you want to call it, scares me too, because that means that we have to sacrifice a friendship in the name of something better, knowing that it may end. but i am willing to drop everything and sacrifice it all for this, and i know that deep down you are too, and i know that right now if you ever see this you will say i do? and i will respond, gently, with a you do, because sometimes things mean something more than what we think they do, or they mean more than we are willing to admit them to
when will the barricade fall
let me perform a coup d'etat on your heart, let me break down the remnants of previous love and pain and let me build my own wall there, myself, one that you and i will stabilize throughout time, together. let me let your guard down, let me let you finally fall on a cushion, let me be the person there at 4am, let me be the one there in your worst moments and your best, during summer nights watching the sunset, during winter nights when the dark encompasses everything and everyone