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4.8k · Oct 2014
not good enough
Sophia Oct 2014
did i ever
seem like an appealing option
to you?
or was that merely a figment
of my imagination?
what does she have that i don't?
is she more suited for your height?
is she more beautiful than i will ever be?
are her thighs half the size of mine
making it easier for her to wrap them around your waist
as you support her tiny body?
well it hurts.
and i barely know you.
you led me on.
why.
4.8k · Nov 2012
Perfection.
Sophia Nov 2012
Oh you.
Sitting in the front of the classroom.
Perfection.
Perfection.
Perfection.
School royalty.
I want you.
And there you were,
smiling back at me,
talking to me,
making me think i had a chance.
I know you don't know me well.
I know I want to know you better.
Perfection.
Perfection.
Perfection.
I let my heart fall for you.
But you like her.
And she likes you.
And I know that I would never have a chance with you.
I never did.
I felt as though I'd found you.
But you played with my heart.
without a care in the world.
Absentmindedly.
Unknowing.
Uncaring.
I hate you.
I love you.
Spare me the heartbreak and just tell me so.
Even though I already know.
Perfection.
Perfection.
Perfection.
Sophia Mar 2015
im not the one you exchange nervous giggles with
the hand you hold in public
the lips you kiss in front of your friends
the one you tell them about with an excited glint in your eye
the one that causes your heart to pick up at the sight of

no

im the one you fall back on
the one you practically ignore until you need me
the lips you kiss out of lust
the hands you guide to please you
the one you never speak about
the one that will always be there to come ******* in a bathroom stall
who will send you pictures so you have something to do on those lonely nights when you miss her and im the only one there
im not your first choice
hell i was never even a choice to begin with

oh i wish i was
i wish you loved me half as much as you love her
but i guess it was never meant to be that way
"because i was born to be the other woman, who belonged to no one, who belonged to everyone. who had nothing, and who wanted everything." (lana del rey)

boys are dumb ok
1.7k · Jan 2015
"do you play pokemon?"
Sophia Jan 2015
Maybe it was because what i hoped for finally happened
Maybe it was because im scared of getting hurt
Maybe it was because deep down i feel as though you dont like me
Maybe its because you said you weren't interested in anyone at the moment
Maybe it's because you could be the first to hurt me
Maybe its because its too soon
Maybe its because you were tired
Maybe its because you dont care
Maybe its because you do
Maybe
Just maybe
Its because you like me too.
Wow this is ****** as **** (especially the end holy hell) but i had to get out some anxious emotions from tonight
Sophia Feb 2015
You've lips like cough syrup.  
Hands like morphine.
Breath like smoke in my lungs.
Body like ******.
Eyes like acid.
Scent like *******.
Voice like *****.
Touch like ecstasy.

Darling I'm addicted.
You could my new bad habit.
And I wanna be high forever.
949 · Feb 2015
read: yesterday
Sophia Feb 2015
you're not good enough for him
you're only good enough for them
silly little girl
you thought you had a chance
you knew he didn't care
you knew
you knew
you knew
you knew you weren't good enough.
how could you have been so stupid
not to see
that he
doesn't care
about you.
never good enough.
stop overreacting, sophia.
931 · May 2015
don't ever date a senior
Sophia May 2015
hand on the steering wheel
other on my thigh
my head on your shoulder
i promised myself i wouldn’t get too attached
**** was i wrong
drives with you when i realize how in love with you i am

and how soon you're going to be gone
Sophia Feb 2015
I cant help but wonder
Whether your desires for me
Are plainly ******
Or something more

Because I know this is meant to be strictly *******
But oh baby I cant stop the fluttering of my heart
Every second our eyes meet every time our arms brush
My breath catches in the seconds our lips hover together

I know this is gonna hurt
Please prove me wrong.
"be a good baby, do what i want"
Sophia Nov 2013
oh darling I loved you
i truly did
i loved your hair
your smiles
your laugh
your voice
but something wasn't right
not you
not me
something I can't quite explain
the red lines never give me any answers
neither do my mascara tears
or the songs I listen to on repeat
and on some days I wonder how stupid I could be to let you go
and others I agree with my reasoning that I'm better off alone.
darling I hope you know this wasn't easy for me
that I never intended to hurt you like I did
I never meant to place slashes on your body
or give a gaping hole in your chest
or make tears fall in the place where we used to lay
hell for all I know I haven't caused any of these
and I'm just full of myself.
as usual.
I could ramble forever about this
but for some reason every time I see you I can't speak words
none can express how sorry I am
or the feelings that led me to say the things I did
and do the things I did.
I hope things can go back to the way they were.
but I know that's nearly impossible.
and I still love
your hair
your eyes
your smile
your laugh
and your voice
but in the different way
the way that friends do.
and I miss the concert in the spring
and how our friendship was then
and how much fun we used to have.
I know the warmth we once had
has been shattered.
and try as I may to pick the glinting pieces up and put them back together again
and hope as I may to see us in the completed reflection
as those two stupid girls who used to sing songs in the hallways
I only slice my fingers deeper and deeper on the edges
and stain them darker and darker as my fingers desperately try to mend the wounds I've created
and through the blood and shards
I manage to put a few together
but all I see
is myself
staring back at me
with empty makeup eyes.
Sophia Sep 2014
your arms
are unfamiliar
to me
but oh how
i bet they feel
just
like
home
ugh. crushes ****. sorry im posting so many, i need to get emotions out.
671 · Nov 2012
Alive
Sophia Nov 2012
Electricity's in the air.
The warm damp wind blows through my hair.
The waves of the lake surge to the top of the dock.
The lights are gone.
Only brightness from the stars above.
And the shocks of yellow bolts.
I lift my head and face to the constillations.
The dark sky opens up and lets the tears fall from it,
Large beads of water that fall onto my face,
Cooling my skin from the heat of the summer day.
I raise my arms out to the sides,
The droplets caressing them as they slide down my body,
Soaking me.
I let out a genuine laugh and open my eyes to the clap of thunder.
The air is alive
and so am I.
I lower my arms and spin in a circle,
My wet hair slapping against my cheeks.
I laugh again and begin to run,
Not sure of where I am going.
Not sure of how to get there.
Just
Running.
Eventually,
I collapse into the soft bed of grass below me
I let it stick to my arms,
Legs,
Feet,
Hair.
The sky continues to give off its light show,
The large cracks and flashes above.
The beauty astounds me.
The danger scares me.
But I feel alive,
Just like the storm.
647 · Sep 2014
12 words
Sophia Sep 2014
sometimes
i think
it'd all be easier
if i
simply
never
existed
570 · Feb 2015
trigger warning
Sophia Feb 2015
You're not good enough
Lying in the floor of your bedroom
Desperately trying to catch a breath
Through the tears you've been holding.
Stop it.
You can breathe just fine.

Eyes scanning over old messages
And the little empty arrow
Both serving as proof that he doesn't care.
You knew that though.
And you still let it happen.

Fingers grasping for the cool metal blade
As it kisses your skin for the first time in months.
Such a ***** for attention and ***
Get a hold of yourself, ****.

Lips dancing on the silver spoon
As its repeatedly brought to your lips.
You can feel your thighs swell with each bite
And your stomach jiggle with each sip.
Keep eating honey.
You never had enough self control anyways.

Mind wandering
From school studies to pointless topics.
Grade lowering with every text sent
And minute not spent studying.
Thats okay darling
It's not like you ever really had a chance at college.


You're not good enough.
You'll never be good enough.
*Stop trying.
I dont want you to leave I don't want to eat I dont want to fail classes I don't want to relapse I don't want to cry.

Funny how nothing goes my way.
#tw
527 · Feb 2015
delivered: unread
Sophia Feb 2015
why is it
that even though the thought of you
is causing me to feel this way
the only comfort i want
is in your arms
it's been a week.
490 · Jul 2014
why
Sophia Jul 2014
why
Why did I ever
Let you tell me
What to like?
Rediscovering old music old friends told me was stupid.
490 · Feb 2015
sorry mom
Sophia Feb 2015
*******, *******, sleeping around.
Call it what you will, just not making love.
Most nights I fall asleep on someone's chest, however never the same consecutively.
Lying on ***** sheets next to someone who's name I dont know
And won't remember.
You see i was taught
That this is what happens
"When a man and woman love each other very much"
But thats just *******.
As I crawl through anothers bed my emotions shut off,
love never comes into play.
It never has.
As I surrender to pleasure not only mine but theirs.
It courses through my body and veins
Bringing life and feeling into the empty limbs.
Every finger, toe, and arm being brought alive if only for an hour or less.
Every kiss spreading warmth, every touch igniting my senses.
As soon as it begins its over.
The life i had within me falters, dripping from my fingertips and toes, falling from the ends of my hair.
As I lay in dark cold rooms where I spend my nights.
Sleep never crossing my mind.
Numbly staring at the walls feeling empty once again.
Everybody knows.
With all the pictures I send without a care in the world.
I fill the requests one by one, going down the list.
When I walk down the halls they stare and whisper.
Their words dont mean a **** thing.
And so I fall asleep in his bed.
I fall asleep in her bed.
Anywhere but my own.
I'm not scared
I'm never nervous
I never care.
Because as the clothes come off as the hands make contact with my flesh as the lips skim my body.
My emotions leave.
I can mechanically go down without a glitch or hesitation.
I can undress and redress quicker than your average.
I can move my hips and hands in that perfect way.
Im up for that.
I'm down for anything.
Call me, I'm your girl.
Sorry mom and dad, your little girl's a *****.

(still a draft)
481 · Oct 2014
"You're so pretty!"
Sophia Oct 2014
The words leave your lips
day after day
and i thank you
i honestly do.
But do you care about the galaxies
i store inside of this oh so
"****" body?
do you care
about my
hopes
dreams
ambitions
my emotions
inside my "pretty" little head?
because when you decided
to lower me
by counting how many boys
or girls
thought i was pretty
i screamed "stop"
and "you're making me uncomfortable"
you lashed out
and yelled
replying "what"
the word hitting me
straight in my chest
my oh so beautiful collar bones
and my "perfect" cleavage
and cracking something within me
and it took everything in me
not to explode into a million pieces.
Yes they think Im pretty
Yes they want to **** me
Yes i take it as a compliment
but is that * all i'm ******** worth
this wasnt meant to be a call out
467 · Sep 2014
i need you (15 w)
Sophia Sep 2014
wrap your arms around me
and hide me from the people
who tell me wrong
bleh i just need to hide in your arms for awhile.
Sophia Jan 2015
you compare me to the stars
because I'm shattered
into tiny pieces
across an endless dark expanse
each one
supporting another's life
yet slowly but surely
each is dying out
slowly but surely
your pretty little galaxy will be gone
391 · Jun 2014
I Never Was A Novelist
Sophia Jun 2014
I'm not good with words on paper
Or on my tongue.
They get caught in my throat.
Or stuck in the tip of my pen.
Sentences never string together.
But are cut and pasted.
Words carefully chosen and stollen from others.
I can't write.
382 · Oct 2014
let me disappear
Sophia Oct 2014
i **** up
everything
and i feel
as though
it all
would be
so ****
easier if
i was
never born
or ceased
to exist.

i've caused
hearts to break
and tears to be shed.
why can't
i just
die?
im sorry i always ruin everything.
282 · Oct 2014
oops
Sophia Oct 2014
i forgot
to shut off
the emotions
this time
and oh god
this hurts
more than i
ever imagined
boys ****
277 · Jun 2014
i should be asleep
Sophia Jun 2014
I bet
You're texting her
Right now
Like you did
To me that night
Until 3 am
Because its obvious
you got sick of me.
Wow this is horrible but yeah the results of me being clingy and awake too late haha.
248 · Sep 2014
ive moved on
Sophia Sep 2014
i dont need you anymore
you could choke on your own ***** for all that i care
sorry this is kinda gross and mean and angry but that's how i feel
239 · Sep 2014
"don't eat" (10 words)
Sophia Sep 2014
i wish
to become so small
that i disappear
completely
214 · Oct 2014
Untitled
Sophia Oct 2014
oh
okay
i get it
you never cared
for me
at all

— The End —