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DJ Thomas May 2010
Hi, below I copy a humorous hiabun, which I shared as an exercise to mentor enquiring and inspired poets to learn, so they might adopt and try different techniques and then give critique together with awesome comments... Yes, I used the words ***, ****** and **** for context the rest was left to an individual imagination as in good poetry!

It included reflective commentary encompasses innocent classification terminology used in the critique, reading, examining, appreciating, understanding and writing of poetry for example: POETIC DEVICES (enjambement, duality, keriji, images, collocation, semantic, oxymoron, repetition, listing etc.), STORY (personification, characterisation, subject, context, voice etc.), IMAGERY (synaesthesia), STRUCTURE ( lineation, breaks, syntactic etc.), SOUNDS (syllables, rhyme, alliteration, pace, musicality, phrasing, beat, assonance, onomatopoeia, mouthed rhythms, patterned) and WORDS (preposition, determiner, verbs, adverbs, lexical, nouns, adjectives) used by poets, critics and academics...

And here it is :

****** tongue-in-cheek haibun - a reflective commentary on writing a popular tanka

Eye lashes flicker
a shared urgent interest
parting - dancing smile


My first inspiration was ***, passionate life squeezing screaming ***, the thumping wall musicality of ***, exhaustingly inventive sweaty and wet.

I wanted to make it a senryu but for duality the female characterisation demanded two more lines each extending to seven syllables.  

Arousing images captured her moaning splashing loneliness in unusual collocation.

I was first excited by the placement of a hovering extended enjambement to give life to my final line, whilst also considering the satisfaction in using noisy mouthed rhythms.  

I believe I easily hid the wet aroused context with a watery semantic field, that suggested she would choke and drown.

So in my last line I had ‘pleasures’ as a cutting keriji to make clear the dominating ****** context, having previously used a preposition and determiner to maintain duality!


Exhausted shivers
in windowed naked currents
unfolding sinking
then surfing vital wavelets
drowning screams - pleasures wet bite




copyright©DJThomas@inbox.com 2010
Ari  Dec 2011
OM
Ari Dec 2011
OM
Om
In The Beginning
Sound
needed a medium
for dissemination
space and time
was born.
As I sleep sitting cross legged I know these things to be Truth.
All things consist of matter
matter of molecules
molecules of atoms
atoms of  atomic particles
atomic particles of subatomic particles
subatomic particles composed of strings
yes strings
the vibrations of strings at certain resonant frequencies --
Sound
I’m referring to Sound --
accounts for the creation of all things
all things composed of matter --
I matter You matter --
and Sound is the variation of pressure waves propagating through matter
through You, and Me, We
are hereby beings of Sound
Per-Son
Earth, Sun
the birth hum permeates us all
all things soak in the amniotic ocean of Sound
it is the background, the foreground, before Sound
was Silence
Silence is the antithesis of hissing existence sibilance is diametrically opposed to nothingness antimatter to matter in an asymmetrical universe.
If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there as witness, it still fell and the timbre transpired, to be
is not to be seen, perception exists within existence
Real is a three inch wide magnetized Mobius Strip spinning counterclockwise in a corroding
centrifuge of perception carbon dated to The Beginning
and The Beginning occurs every second
in an umbrella opening in a firestorm
the collision of soapy bubbles
clay in a snow kiln
uranium decaying
a sari being wrapped
the chopping of wood
ice capped volcanoes
an oily rainbow
the exposure of negatives
the grinding of coffee beans
a cobra swaying
You can charm a cobra by biting an apple
the blur of sweat and palms on stretched animal skins
congas bongos tablas djembes tom toms snares timpani
hands at warp speeds in an innate rhythm inundating time
four four two four four three seven eight twelve o’clock
what is time to Sound but a permanent witching hour for feet to frenzy?
each stomp a falling star that sears a crater, each crater a subwoofer for the Earth’s movements
Sound is time being rendered elastic
quantized digitized equalized filtered phased distorted compressed processed
time has been tamed
fast forwarded paused rewound slow motioned skipped
from one timeline to another, Sound is the de-lineation of time
the unraveling of space the curling of dimensions dementia in rhyme
minds are traveling back to the present, pre sent from the future, the future has passed
We are light, massed
night is just another shadow our auras cast
mating calls
jarred halos
woodwinds in an airlock
disemboweled factories
pyramids of electric chairs
pipelines in the desert
grief slumped shoulders
paper lanterns in a whirlpool
poems read in darkness
laughs sobs shrieks cries cackles yelps howls laughs whimpers
worlds ending with a BANG
an infinite piece quantum philharmonic orchestra clamoring to be heard over the revolution of the spheres
We sing
reverberating to replace Saturn’s rings
every single note a secret love letter passed ear to ear read instantly
all sounds converging to singularity
an accretive disc of sonic entropy spinning around one point
all We have left to do is drop the needle
call
and let the response cascade into us
Chain Gang of the Universe swinging old ***** spirituals
the momentum of our pulsing song accelerates beyond relativity
the amplitude of our vibration transmits from soul to womb
each newborn tongue blessed with a honeyed Om
My son, Your daughter, I taught her, You taught him
and now they can play cat’s cradle with their strings
tap dance on quarks and make fiddlesticks sing
So even now the Rabbis sing
Hear O Israel, the Lord is Sound…
As I sleep sitting cross legged I know this Truth to be all things.
Om
Andrew Rueter Dec 2020
Should a poet consider
what their work looks like in portrait mode
and adjust their lineation accordingly?
Or should the responsibility be on the reader to use landscape mode?
Mane Omsy  Jul 2017
Lineation
Mane Omsy Jul 2017
This moment, you shone
Your eyes sparked with anticipation
Another beautiful touch, a kiss
Each other, we shared through
This night, you felt pain and good
We exchanged glances and,
I shared it,
One day you'll serve a champion
to the world,
A companion with a wide heart
A messenger of true love and peace
We'll watch him grow and bond
A beautiful heart like his, become one
He'll share it with her
See darling, she has his eyes
Tiny fingers gripped around your finger tip
This moment you shone
From there to here. . Time really is fast
Kenshō  Dec 2014
Stimulation
Kenshō Dec 2014
Following the dusky orange of the sky,
I would wade through shallow pools flooding the trails.
Just after sunset when the air radiated with
constant chirping that would beam and penetrate the silence,
I would setup altar at the dock near the hills.
The absence of humans would bring about the spirits.
Nature sounds would amplify and visual acuity would hone.
Some sort of love and peace would fall before my feet.
The mountains would be like towering ancient gods and ancestors.
The trees like earthen tentacles slithering upward yearning for light!
The stars would gleam like alien eyes staring and observing.
Sounds of the unknown would shriek from one corner of the worlds to the others. What it was that could be defined I knew not what went on there. However, I cannot help but feel a lineation of ancestral wisdom, of which can be absorbed. I also have come to the feeling that this mystical experience is condemned and kept out of reach of the layperson and common-man. Human kind would transmogrify its being from the inside out, incarnating into
the Gods and Deities.  I have clearly gone too far from
the common thread of thought. For those stumbling
across my message of cogitation, I urge you
to disregard any  interpretation of this piece.
Go on about your normalcy.
Madman coming through!! And he is blaring his trumpet again!!
Crow  Feb 2019
With Bated Life
Crow Feb 2019
your tenebrous image enraptures me
future’s heat brands me with you
your silhouette fills my vision
but all your features are hidden

calling to me in a voice I know
but have not yet heard
a shout made a whisper
you are so many years away

always I have known you
sensed you by your absence

I chafe and fret, anxious and
expectant of your arrival
believing it imminent

eagerly I shut my eyes to
what little I know of you
trusting as only callow
youth allows that no
more is needed
than my open arms

I see you everywhere
impetuously I give my heart
only to find no synchrony
even the lineation was wrong
each time it is not you
you are still
far from me

yet I am wrenched forward
I lurch undiscerning, heedless
pressed forever into rashness
by all consuming urgency for you

endless, fruitless searching
confusion and despair
my constant companions
lost in a torrent of nothing

like one freezing
in lingering polar night
to stop is to die, helpless
I stumble towards providence
An account of my unfortunate teenage years. It is a follow on to Separated By Birth.
I have made some changes as I felt some things were in need of clarity.
Rayven Rae Aug 2018
we are made / breath and bone / heart-sinew-muscle / bound together / divided by / the thirty-one names / for line

not all syllables / are beautiful / ordained / not when what it comes down to / is desire

a band / stippled by tongue / braille spoken / melting / how i want to burn holes into your skin / with my mouth

in profile; lineation / longing to taste you / wet mouth against / hard skin

what is the fuel of desire?

small touch / from silhouette to smile / innocuous; not innocent / reaching furrow to groove / as if time and space / were ending

with edge / nails raking creases / angry red welts / lineament / delineation outlined / lust with a sensation / drawing on that / which has been ignited

magnetic; electric / figurations of these abstract currents / contoured by a liquid look /  first glance / underlined with promise / your name / safe in my mouth

i stop breathing when you smile

so much time spent / in a shared space / desiring that which is denied us / borderline days laid with fire / as long as nothing has happened between us / boundaries walked on tip-toes / our memories are cursed / with what has not been

the wait will be fun but it will not be easy

in our fall there is gravity and grace / that lust and rage / should dance in attendance / we become stardust / streaks without limit score moonbeams / this is the first time that Vega / the fifth brightest star in the sky / has been jealous

those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained

celestial configurations / are no match / for the molten fire / your heated fingertips / dash across  my velum canvas / wrinkles tracing peak to bar / you stripe my skin in red / not in punishment / but lust / demarcations cease to exist / we are undiscovered frontiers / your rule to my figure / scratch your history into my bones

i want to taste you again, like a secret or a sin

— The End —