Lovely broken bibles,
Tearing at the seams,
Holy words unravel,
Praises hide the screams.

me and God took a hiatus

I found someone to blame.


I miss my man in the sky,
Most nights,
It was nice,
To have something to stand for,
Someone to look to,
An example,

A father.

Me and God took a little break,
For a long time.
When I was 9,
Where was he?
Goodbye house,
Goodbye parents,
Goodbye dreams.

I went to churches that preached hate,
And lost someone I loved,
To wicked, wicked drugs,

where was he?

I tried to find him in my heart,
I feared he'd fled,
I didn't know it was I,
who chased him out,
I didn't have him
Because I didn't want him.

We were on a break.


Then i got dizzy,

Randomly,

I made a lot of trips to the emergency room my 13th and 14th year of living,
Spent most of my time on hospital beds I began to memorize the E.R. nurses faces,
And which shifts they worked.
I became so familiar with pain,
And not being to breathe,
And medication,
After medication,

WHERE WAS HE?

now I am past most bad days,
And no longer need drugs to keep me sane,
But every once in a while I feel my faith flicker.

When I felt him the strongest this year,
I was in the middle of a field at 2am.
I was with my best friend,
And we were lying down,
Looking at the stars,

I stood up and felt so small,
So insignificant,

where was he?

I felt like the world could have swallowed me whole,


I felt that way when I was 9,
But I was on a car trip that would change my entire world,
I felt that way when I was 12,
But I was on a roof.

I hadn't felt this way in years,

It reminded me what it was like to want to die;


But I didn't.

Ah,

*there he is