In the mirror
I'm so white
whiter than white
whiter than a ghost
who got drunk
on a litre of white paint
dried out in chalk
written on a whiteboard

whisper

white clouds
that couldn't storm
I'm nothing
but a pasty faced
nothing

...

I sailed off
white as a sheet
pulled white surf
over my head

that night
I called
just whispering
rescue
arrived
and pulled me out of it

you showered me
inn kisses
booked for the night
which got quite..
loud

smacked my bottom
good and proper
like mummy and daddy
never did
and I was surprised
I wasn't pained any more

in the morning
you towelled me down
everything tingling

and after you left
I checked out
the mirror glowing
cheekily
and my chest was there
red faced to be alive

so for hours after
I couldn't sit and cry
because I was reminded
I wasn't all white
just happy
being sore with myself

every lifeboat
should have a paddle

Put Body here
so I did

but I don't always
just obey
I'm asked on first dates
to lay it down
to put it out there
I don't
show some respect
you Body idiot
go home

but I put I here

having only one Body
is better than no Body
but the best
is an I Body

if more could see that
they would see more of that
but only on the second date
when you put it that way

I might even put it to you
that
I hear
and obey

is that naughty
of my Body?
so it did

it's good to follow your body
and not your mind
once my mind's made up
I can put it your way

sit down under trees
pull me over your knees
don't say please
kiss me
and I'll kiss you

walk dark alleyways
push my shoulders forcefully
up against the wall
kiss me
and I'll kiss you

where grassy fields are found
run me to ground
like I'm some foxy blonde
kiss me
and I'll kiss you

take me dancing tonight
sweep me off my feet
like I'm a feather in the light
stagger and drop me
and I'll drop you

I'm not that fat
*surely?!

We both felt
the crumbling
rabbits heard
the sheep bleat
the rumblings
that had no stomach
for what eagle's eyed
ahead

but neither spoke

we kept standing and looking
for quite a while
as if staring at the tumbled rocks
would cause a path to appear
as if this were Narnia
somewhere
entranced

someone had to break
the deadlock
move the mountain
over the mouse
and move on

I did
deciding the end
going from shared
friends
straying from the flock
through an open wound
and it hurt
back to what was
almost
eyre
then my sole
gently turned over
a new soft leaf
but it bothered me
even now

I want his look
not his favourite Ironman T-shirt
I'm not an Irongirl
I'm not an iron anything sort
I want him creases and all
not his “to infinity” golden band
it has the ring of something too definite
I want him here
“and beyond”
just how far
I'm not yet sure about
not his ultra clean pair
of New Balance sports shoes
I'm not the run around sort
wet trackies pants hot and loose
I want him caught off balance
bare footed on the grass

I want his look
and when he gives it
straight back
into my eyes
I know what...

I'll look away at the skies
and hope beyond hope
he'll interpret my act
ironman out my shyness
ring the changes I want
and run beneath my disguise
to find an orange not a lemon

only trouble is
I think he won't
because at this early stage
we don't have much in common

O ******
he's looking...
                                    the sky's so bright!
like he's going to...
                                     I squint!
                                     blind!
                                     eyes shut!
be just my...
                                      I'm so silly!
.... dotage
huh! maybe I should try...
courage?
a comic character?
hypnotism?
an older age?

What little flesh I was
is now yours

it melted
into a muddled heap
on the floor
when you unwrapped me
in your arms
and threw me
bones and all
things I will hold
dear as a lost heart
forever

I pick the pieces up
when you've left
but they fit together
differently now
my ribs a cage
tightly strung together
my legs knock knock
a bit wobbly
my heart alone
pushes the emptiness
around and around

needing you
to pull me up
undo me
and hold me
all in the together

I don't feel so naked
any more
beneath my clothes
with only bare bones
to keep to myself
a beta heart beset with bugs
too erratic and hungry
to release
and the tingles I get
running down my spine
from the superglue
when we hug
squeeze squeeze
and I feel in my bones
your own

You kissed me on my cheeks
whispered a note on my lips
formed a letter on my neck
not a verse to my shoulder
and on my décolletage
took such an age on a poem
penned to the energy of youth
it felt like you'd brought me
a fountain
to write me on

“Shake your *****!”
you said
so I did
and you shook so much
the laces came undone
and the sole almost split
down the beauty of its middle

It's what I now know was a
“wow there we are”
out of ***** experience

Between the hem of my skirt
and the top of my socks
is the coldest part of me
but I must expose my knees
for some reason?

They warm up quickly
when he sits next to me
he probably thinks
I wear the trousers

If only he'd look more
he'd notice
I don't
they're baring all
and they're not like ice
or sore
but crying out
“warm me”
for some reason

He should wear shorts
then we could talk of knees
and needs
like mine for him
to sit next to me

He was a foxhound
on my trail
after my tail

He scratched at my den
digging for my heart
******* me without art

He stuck his nose in
saying he “dug” me
that the girl I saw him with yesterday
was fat and ugly

He said nothing about me
that said lots about him
he didn't get under my skin
I got his skin under my nails
I know because me called me
“dog”

He'd dug only his own eyes
graven image indeed
and went barking mad
up more wrong walls
scratching at bricks

I should have called him
fat and ugly
but stood and watched
his claws bleed
happy they were blunt
not like mine