The realization hit me later that night
it's not that your words cut like knives
in a moment of truth they didn't
Nothing felt overpowering
not even the thought of blue eyes
Never had I thought about you in your entirety
Only the thought of
And I still do like blue eyes
like ships they pull me in
like waves they always come back
But you're not the only one with blue eyes; I've got them too

I never knew your eyes were blue
not until the meeting
The uncertainty felt overpowering
Your eyes were still blue when I looked again
I never thought I liked blue eyes
but there you sat
quiet and quite loveable
I never wanted to give myself away
because of fear, lack of courage
Yet here I am
Ready to give myself away like a flower ready for the bees to come
I'm just not sure you and your blue eyes will take me in

He pulled me close, kissed me softly
He held my face and pulled my hair gently
Grabbed my hips and pushed his body against mine
Everything tasted like cigarettes and too much alcohol
It went on for quite some time
And he was indeed charming,
But I kept noticing my mind wandering back to
you and your face and your curly hair
More times than I would like.

your eyes are too dark and they make me drown
your smile is irresistible and it makes me look away
your mouth so kissable it makes me sick

i wish you'd just look at me the same way i look at you
assure me that all i believe is wrong
tell me that your heart is on fire too

tell me that you want me too

He is hers
She is his
I don't wanna be a part of it but why does my thoughts
keep turning back to them

"The heart wants what the heart wants" they say
But I've never quite understood that
Or maybe I have and won't give in

Controlled by the heart is not what I want to be
Not who I want to be
Free mind
Free heart
Free soul

That's what my mind says
And should you obey it at all times?
Perhaps. But not right now.

So he pointed his gun at me and said:
"Choose which one then"
And I chose
Him

I didn't want to do it like that
Yet the end came faster than I thought
But what can you do
When love turns into despair

I can't remember a thing but the others pressuring glances,
our lips meeting,
tangled tongues
and my frightened mind when you touched mine

Is this really what it is?