I think I'm losing you, but I will never regret choosing you
Because I am in love, and for now that will be enough
And the ones around me convince me that I was the only person who was dumb enough to believe that you and I had hope.
But now I know even after you began to let your emotions slow the only reason I stood alone was because I was the only one who knew our love was never going to let go.

Everyone wanted me to see that we could not thrive, so gouge out my eyes.
Because if this is reality then I guess I'm not alive,
Because I don't know a life in where I can't make things right.
And when life teaches you to drive and you finally say goodbye
And you won't let me stand by your side
Ill know that though some feelings are hurt, none will have died.
Cause I used to stay up at night and picture myself looking into your eyes
Shouting as you would sigh “how dare you think you can fall asleep with water dripping from the kitchen sink, how dare you think you can fall asleep with all these little leaks in this home we built in our dreams”

A picture is worth a thousand words or whatever people say to me.
It's hard to believe when your mind is lost and in need,
And all you can picture is a memory inside of someone else's sheets.
A prayer that nothing will keep,
A hope that light will seek before the dark sinks too deep.
Or at least the sinking feeling inside of me will decrease when the release of perceived dreams burn in the flame of feeling free.
So feel free to be free if that's what you need.

And if someday you feel alone and everything caves in when you try to breathe,
Know that you are not alone as far as I can see,
Because you were everything to me.
Through this I have realized that if I were God we would have all just died,
Because darling you were mine and now I feel so dead inside,
And what good am I if all I can create is a projection of my own mind.
A dream of finding time to remind you that I'm still here and I'm not fine.
And darling if you're going to leave just remember who you are,
And do what you can to remember me.

Maybe someday we can talk about our past and we can talk about the weather.
Whenever you leave I don't care what I'm remembered for,
I just want to be remembered.
Because even if I failed you at least I tried,
And maybe our lives don't add up now but someday our graves will look the same when we both die.
And if I had a chance I'd give you one last kiss and I'd bite down on your lip
And I'd try to puncture it so you'll never forget that time,
But you'll always regret.
And darling I know sometimes life will take a turn for the worst,
And sometimes life will even hurt.
And I know some days, some days you'll be afraid of the lessons you'll have to learn
And some days you'll even feel burned,
And I want to let you know that I want to love you through them.

But I always get what I deserve.

I miss who I was before I met you. Before you were here I used to smile at seasons changing, now I dread the colder days.

2. I used to miss your laughter, now I miss the silence in my head. You once were my form of meditation, now I spend the days coloring because someone said it can be a type of therapy and Lord knows my therapist is tired of hearing the same story of a boy who keeps stealing my identity.

3. I miss you giving me the cold shoulder because I miss not being around you. I miss the days spent alone in my room reading novels so unrealistic but so desirable. Now I want nothing to do with anything because love is a four letter word and each letter stands for another reason that you couldn't stay.

4. I miss you before me. She loved you quite a bit.

5. I miss not writing about you. I used to stay afloat in my own but now I'm drowning in all the poetry that breaks me like your promises.

6. I miss waking without a reminder that I was never good enough and will never be good enough.

7. I miss my innocence. I reminisce on the times when I was oblivious to the evil in the world.

8. I miss belonging to myself. Because I know you're gone now but I still can't become my own. I can't get used to waking up alone.

9. I miss my laughter. The laughter you stole from me. I can't laugh at any jokes when my whole life has become one.

10. I miss the you before you became who you are now. You used to sing me to sleep and now you're the monster under my bed. You're the missed phone calls. You're the days spent at home alone. My mom asks me why I don't go out anymore, but she doesn't get it. I don't know why I'm surprised. I don't even get it.

Your call tastes like ***** and abandon houses
Your voice sounds like a dehydrated alcoholic in recovery
You say, "It's okay, nobody has to know"
You say its okay while your words betray the one who wouldn't ever find out.
Your paint yourself 20 different shades of colors that I've never liked.
I put my innocence in focus and sent you vulnerability
You stole my morals and fed my guilt like a church shuns the corrupt.
You stole my name and made it your own

Twelve hours later and I can't look at myself in the mirror
Twelve hours I wait for either a response or for time back
I don't even love you
But I do.
This is the last time I give more than I understand.

I can feel the laws from my childhood flee like ***** down the drain
I wanted to open the bottle of my innocence in celebration of how long its lasted
However you drank it as if it was yours to consume
I put my playlist on shuffle but all I hear are songs that remind me of you
You manipulated my voicemail while I counted dates like when they ask for the day of death
I would say, "He is still here
and I know he is still here because he took my name and made it his own.
He claws at my insecurities like a scratch off"
Nowadays when I look in the mirror all I see is all the things you stole from me.
They hang on the wall like a bad family photo.
But where are you?

I made the mistake of trusting you
and you made the mistake of believing that I was worth your time
Just let me pack up our promises and throw out the ones that weren't broken
I haven't woken up without my makeup still on for the past week
I just don't know to do with my love anymore.

I don't know exactly what happened
All I remember is my shower fresh hair
and your white tshirt.
I remember the heart ache
The urge to get rid of it some how.
I don't know if you made a difference
but you were there.
He just took another girl home so I needed to feel better
I needed to feel how he was making that girl feel
Tension builds. Faces touch.
Your hand ran down my spine.
Chills followed your fingertips
I heard you sing songs angels didn't know the words to yet.
I closed my eyes, the pleasure couldn't make up for the missing lyrics
Though we sang harmonies that fit the song, we were out of tune
Loneliness settled back into my heart
And this is all I've ever known about trying to move on.