I am in a phase where I cannot tell whether I am with him or not .
Where I am ignored and told that I am over reacting
Sorry mere a word
And still c I love you c in the end to keep going

Life in a metro
  Crazy place
Crazy people
You'll hate it
But you'll love it
   Talk to any one
  Everyone is available to Talk
No one sleeps
Everyone is high
Not on ****
But in spirits
  No no not delhi.
   Ye noida hai meri jaan
It's like
The student is the new principal now

In my arms
She felt so light
Her body against mine
Her head on my shoulder
This place feels like home

Home
This night feels exactly the night before you left
Ambitious,furious, hot yet addicting
I missed this for years

Remember
When after that night you sloped.
I burned my bed down that day
And bathed in the ashes of my broken dreams
It feels meaningless now

Alone
Yes alone I went down to hunt down
My Incessant desire to touch your skin
To caress and pull you closer
I thought the desire died
But it was subtly breathing deep within

Oh you
Your smell is still the same
It still seduces me
It still captures me through and through

I will never get over you

Oh she!
I now remember
When I saw her dark eloquent eyes
They had a hint of emerald

Oh she!
With her fiery aura
Which had a unique ability
To beguile anyone that comes around

Oh she
Her words were enough
To lure anyone to follow her command

And now
I see her again
Blurring everything around except her
With her same enticing eyes she glanced
No words
Nothing she said
Just came towards me
Once again
Just like before
And I can do nothing but to fall again
But this time knowing the consequence

Again I curl my arms around her.
Again I touch her soft succulent skin

And there is nothing I can do
Nowhere I can go
But towards her

Being what the heart finds its solace in
Even though the others oppose
hating the world
But finally started knowing to love myself
Understood that its okay to fall again and again
to strive for what I love
because that's how I'll reach my destination

There is a difference between liking it and
getting use to it

Reaction
in typical
circumstances
Generally
Show
the
Character
within

Dear jhon
With the strength you built in me
And the softness you brought in my life
I am writing to you

I've been collecting courage since days
To let you know
I..I don't know how to put my feelings

You are away since a month now
Very far
Fighting for us ,defending us
I don't know how to tell you

Okay

I love you
I pray everyday for your health
But now,
It's not just me
Junior is doing the same
Yes, ..
We are three now

        Come home soon

Submerging my will against
Your priorities have
always let me down
Why not try
inverting positions this time
;)

Swirling around the testimony
Are my words with a hundred meanings
                             Evoking
                          Retaliating
                            Repelling
The customs set
And the laws enforced

Words that may not render wisdom
But support the sense of speech within

Hindering with the grammar
So the thoughts can flow raw

Words that cut through
And seeps to infuse with the red messenger
Of all those who breathe
And all who take decisions

Phrases that ,when set alone
Can bring mass to a cause
Can dwindle the roots of a humongous

But these are only chain of thoughts
Which may never be able to have a voice
As hundreds of such voices persist

It's just a cascade of thoughts
Of a city with a lone inhabitant
              My dreamville

No need to give any explanation
That green dot
That blue double ticks
And your late , blank emoji
Replies
Are enough for me to understand..

Brilliance of Sun
       When touches the innocence
                                  Of a leaf, it rejuvenates
            And the world breathe..

Days when you want to lay back
With your favorite drink by your side
And a book in your hands
And you just indulge into it

Are the best days

no...not again
It is going to take my weekend away
(when I saw the bunch of papers in front of me)
Glancing at the calendar
The promotion date is creeping towards me

It's late I must leave
Stuffed papers in my bag,
Hurried to leave
If I'll miss the train...I need to wait a lot

Took out a clutcher to bun up my hair,
THUMP.! It slipped from my hands
It broke....ah!..let it be.

With fast paced steps ,
I walked towards the station
Was it anger
Was it anguish
Or was I afraid of something?
My heart was jumping

Yes, I caught the train
I need not wait
Checked time...Anna is waiting
Anna. Oh no her medicines!

I need to get down the next station
My poor girl, my poor niece
She is in pain
Leukemia is killing her..

Searching for my wallet in my bag
I flicked my hair ,
Looked up
Oh what a charming face
He look smart, don't he?

Shut up head!..
You got things to do
No love..not love
But he passed a smile
I won't smile back, I won't
**** ! I smiled.

Don't stare him ,no..
Oh! He is coming near me
Am I blushing?..let me check my phone
Noo ! ,don't sit near me
I may end up kissing you!

You said hi,
Your voice is attractive!
I replied.. a hi..

****, I missed two stations
Anna's medicines!
I need to leave him.
My priority is her
I'll meet you in my dreams perhaps

I jumped out of the train
Ran to the medical store,
Purchased

Oh! A toy shop
Anna loves bears
She might be angry now
I'll buy her a big one
It's expensive
Maybe after the promotion..

I am hell late!
Maybe chocolates will do
Yes,she loves chocolates

Let me call her
Which one she likes??
**** my phone is dead!
It's dark now
I better run home

Why are people crowding
In front of my home?
God! Anna
Is she okay?

Why there is an ambulance?
I ran harder
My heart is in my mouth
I am shivering
I may fall

Let me in ..
Oh no..Anna
Annaaahhh!

No medicines , no chocolates
Can make her healthier..happier now
She is in a better world now
Her organs failed
She passed

I am alone
No tears, no screams
Can make her come to me again
My phone had twenty missed calls in it
(Of that night when my phone was dead)

I didn't complete my assignment
But it took away my weekend surely

10 days later,

I am promoted
She is buried

I bought a teddy bear
The big one
I named it Anna
Maybe I killed her

Pitchers held high
Cheers to the sky
Cheers to the stubbornness
That let me survive

Your poems were the one that made
Me write more and more
You are such a humble soul
You appreciate
In the most sweetest ways
Your words have always been sugar
They always made sense
But now I don't find you anymore
I miss you dear

We talked twice
I drew you
I fell for the sketch
Love..found
All my poetry now makes sense...

Killed souls committed crimes
Stole stuffs worth a thousand dime
Blood spilled on the floor
And the bullet struck on the open door

You say humanity is still left
Then why no shirts on uncovered chests
And why the littles have tears in eyes
Have rights but still deprived

Why one criminal is apprenticed to another
Not forgiven even if they surrender
And then their crying kids will take revenge
And nothing could be done in defense

As this society is a coward
And Will never come forward
To wipe off tears
Of those who fear

You say failure is a step revelation
Then why without hope and elevation
When all correct are to enhance
But this society deserves no second chance

I search in the most unknown places
I wait for the air to take me away with its flow
I watch empty roads imagining a solace
I don't have one in my heart
I don't have one in my mind
Love is what it could be found on every doorstep ..
The quaint we are treasuring since time immemorial
It's obscure ...cryptic..
To explain the want of care I crave for
Not attention,not love,but support
I crave to be understood
The qualm is that no one can
It's not a state of mind that I am going through
It's a state of reality I thrive everyday
I've had enough of watching that empty road
I want my head to stop turning
Expecting every passer to be mine
The one and only...

Maybe there is something you're afraid to say
Or someone you're afraid to love
Or somewhere you're afraid to go
It's gonna hurt
It's gonna hurt because it matters

                                       - Jhon Green

It's really nice to talk to you
I feel soo light
I 've started feeling comfortable
You're addictive
But you're not for long
I guess
We should not talk much
It hurts
To say bye

When I look at you
It's like nothing I want except you
When you smile
Nothing else I want
When you enter
I never want you to leave
When you are happy
It's make me satisfied

But one day I know
       you too will notice me
                     It's my only desire
                            Not to get your love
                                  Just to get your
                           Attention
That's my desire

Yes I know I don't  pour magic in my words
Really bad at explaining
Hard times hard circumstances
Hard me
You've went through all
and when you are not here
Its hard

I hope you understand
Because I am not able to
Its a turmoil
You get it right..

We are on the different sides.
At the edges of our sides
                   And we are walking
                  And I know the day will come
                  When we'll come closer
as we'll walk towards each other
And maybe...just maybe
                       We will meet in the middle

Love..
so easy yet so difficult
                       to be found

I trust you
You had only lust

I cared for you
You just wanted to share my bed

I loved you
Did every quixotic thing
You just wanted the ****** stuffs

Nothing left in me
With you was filled
So I had no roads left
But one.... ...... get you killed..

I may don't know you
But we connect
We may belong to different countries
But we connect
Two different religions
But we connect
Dear aapi

What to say to an already devastated mind
What to preach who is already a disciple of harsh thought
What to  believe in the one who have vapoured their beliefs
What to teach who have already taught themselves to get corrupted...

One thing I realized
Life is a complicated foe
It changes so fast
Not always you reap what you sow

It's there and the next moment it's not
It's impervious and transient
Just like sand in a kids hand
Slips down become insignificant

Some times even time is
Incapable of healing wounds of past
Even the ***** of memory
Hurts , give pain that long last

Just a single accident is enough
To vapour all faiths and perceptions erases belief,leave us numb
Further degrades the degradation

People leave us alone
To fight with the fears
alone to rise alone to fall
No one to wipe off tears

Left ... just like that
no question asked none answered
Without any classification
Not even once remembered

This silence kills
And the sound stings
Scared to close eyes
even to blink

This emptiness retaliated
This feeling is ajaring
Wrong are the common sayings
Not every end
                     A happy ending..

Today I am paying off to all the guilts they've filled in us

all the doubts they builds in us about ourselves

All the question they forced us to ask ourselves

They gifted us a weak character or I should say broke us from inside to consider ourselves weak

Trying to convince us that we need them
We're dependent on them

Giving them the right to take our decision

This is not love
This is not care
this is nothing

They are not guarding us
they are caging us because
they fear us
That we'll be strong without them
If they let us free

" They " can be anyone just beware
watch it...

wake
Eat
Read
Eat
Write
Coffee
Love
Movie
Eat
Sleep
Repeat.      I LOVE WEEKENDS!!...

I can't take this anymore
No need to fire me
I fire myself
I give up
This is not my job

I stand and let the air touch straight through my soul...
I stand and let the dust settle on my feet
I stand with wet eyes
I stand with dry skin ...
Heavy but hollow heart..

Why
( a red head girl)
Her vermilion silk strands were like fallen maple leaves of early morning of late autumn
Why not
Her blood licked hair matched with the measure of wrath she carried in her heart

Why
(an apple)
A sweet juicy delight which taught us the laws of the world, render health
Why not
A poison in disguise which made a sweet innocent soul sleep for years and years

Why
We see situations as we want to see it and not from others view point too ..

Its not your face that
pulls me towards you
Although you're the prettiest thing i have every seen
Its not your voice that makes me love you
Although no tunes can compare it
Its not your charm that makes me think about you all day
Although you can conquer anyone
With just a smile

It's youre humbleness for every being
Your kindness
Even for those you don't know

That makes you beautiful

Amused
Confused
Thoughtfull
Worried
Scared of losing
Giggling
I am in love.

I was so busy ..working all day
Running with fast pacing world
Then you came in my life
Love happened
You made the time go slow
I m happy now

Palletizing people into segments and
Authenticating the segments with the gods they follow
Three billion gods with rules infinite
Expecting peace of mind be found!

The leaders of the weakened population
Misleading with those hollow promises
Ultimately giving hope wrapped empty boxes
Thinking being a part of democracy..!

Upliftments! What they are rendering
Picking up from village mud
Dumping into city corporate slums
What a happy patronized crowd!

Conserving the little fairy of there's
From Fox eyed bad world they say
Saving her by taking her freedom
And married into unknowns!

                Well what to expect!

Although you are gone away so far
That no maps can locate you
Although you cannot talk to me as
No sound travels to you

Although the pictures of memories are faded under deep dust
Although this dust of time
Could not be wiped off

Although things done
cannot be reversed
Although your forgotten sound
Can no more be heard

Still... in the middle of
Nowhere sometimes
Somewhere deep under daily chores
Somewhat making assumptions

I somehow feel your existence
Somehow I smell the same fragrance
Somehow I hear you tunes
Somehow I know it's you

Even if they say
That it's not what is true
Although no one will believe me
                           But I see you..

I want to listen to music all by myself
I want to feel its meaning
And cry
I want to dance in the middle of my work
Even when there's no music
Even when everyone is staring
And shout
I don't want to be somewhere else
Someone else
I want to be me just me
Doing what I want to
And not what I should
Or told to
And smile
I don't want to fly
I don't want people to look up to me
Rely on me expect from me
I want to run walk stumble and fall
Get up and laugh at me
and walk again
And satisfied.

When I look up at you
It feels so light
Goes all my pain
Goes all fright
            The tiny little pockets of
            Jewells that shines up the sky
        And rejuvenate my aspirations
        And dreams on which I rely

You twinkle , spread love
Sprinkle up happiness
You bring back the kid in me
Calm free and stressless

           You little ***** of candy
         Covering up the chocolate bliss
         Smooth like cream
       Heavenly like the sweet liquorice

  Friend of moonlight
Showing directions to all
My wishlist is ready
Just waiting for you to fall

If you try running away
I'll follow you then

Fear me as much
But I'll love instead

Your face is a charm
I just can't forget

Your picture is close
So close in my head

You can cry for help
But no ones coming I bet

To what extent I know you
I've learned you ,you don't know yet

All the trauma you made
Me suffer,you'll regret

The only one that'll be with you
Is me,no one else I'll let

What ever you do
I m one step ahead.

When all doors of life were
Closing in front of my eyes
When I thought the guilty is you
You were the saviour in disguise

When I was sinking down
You came in like a Sun's ray
And touched my forhead
Blue the water turned from grey

In he middle of the ocean
I found your land
In the depths of the saddened water
I found your hand

The last breath I was left with
But my eyes were full of you
Salinity of he ocean blurring my eyes
But it just cant blur my view

This was so unpredictable
Or my thoughts were so mercurial
As even when I was drowning
It's you I am thinking of ..rest is ephemeral

Bubbles were going up elevating
With them steadily is my soul
And down came my limped body and touched the ocean floor

An unknown calmness was in my heart
My face carried a subtle smile
As I my heart I found you
when I'll be lost in a while..

My end is the happiest one
As the ocean cleared my salty cry
It really was a happy ending
As I dreamt of you ...before the death came by....

With all the hatred people bare for her
       She stood
With all the torture her cyanated skin showed
She stood
***** eyes pierced her naked body ..yet
She stood
Not to show the world
Not to prove
Not to plead
             Just with the hope
That one day they'll realise how hard she look
There is a soft weeping baby waiting of him to come.....

He slapped her
She was on the floor
Bleedy and teary
Wiped and then she stood up
Once more harder this time.
                                     She said

In the middle of the night
When the sight is cool
And air is less used
When even plants breathe
                       In the middle of the night
                       When the moon is on its peek
                      And the sun is nowhere to seek
                   Everything is quite as dead
                   Thoughts are full of memories
                    In the middle of the night
When darkness overwhelms
And. Light is just a hope
And people are in their self made world
Even rich and poor do the same
                 In the middle of the night
                    I hereby stand
                Watch you go to sleep
          Deep into the world of yours
              And gaurd you from he reality
             Abscess let you smile....

Disgust unfolds the realisation cloth
And once you wipe from it.
It shows in what
A mudpool you were in..

Care for the world
  And the world will pull you down
               Care for the people
                And they will leave
               Care for friends
           And they'll make new
               Care for yourself
  And everything will fall in place...

We go into deep darkness
Where nothing meets the eye
Keep walking in search of the answers
Answers to the questions unasked
And as we go deeper and deeper
Into the woods where silence howls
We loose contact with with the old light
As we go on in search of a new ray
We don't turn to see what we've lost
The eagerness of caressing the future don't let us do that
We run skip,jump barefoot on the damp ground
We don't look down to see how many we've crushed
This dark wood with the humidity of vapouring blood
Won't stop us from following the ray
And when we reach the end of the jungle
And  have what we craved for
We realise we have no one to show it to
And no road leads out of the woods
No roads left to go home