Well, well, well.
Today is Valentine's Day.
Wait for it...
Wait for it...
And 3, 2, 1.

THIS **** STILL ******* *****!!

We loved this day.
I almost decided to text you this morning.
Impulsive.
But I know that's a bad idea.
Your words would turn into venom,
each painful syllable would strike to paralyze
my feelings when I am already struggling to stand back up.

You used to love my flaws. All of them.
Accepted me for me.
Now you hate my flaws. All of them.
Use them to hurt me and show why we will never be.

It's 11:16 AM right now.
I have 13 hours left.
The fact that you're already making strides to
start a new relationship is literally beyond me.
I guess some bounce back faster than others.

To those reading this,
don't make the same mistake that I did.
If you have something great, don't be stupid.
It's not worth it. Trust me.
Give that person everything they deserve and more.
It only takes one mistake to turn a forever, into a never again.

Happy Valentine's Day.

THIS **** ******* *****!
You have deleted every profile picture
and cover photo with us in it,
Ten times out of Ten you changed
your laptop background of all the pictures
of us,
Forgot the song that you gave us 3 years ago,
changed your cell phone background,
deleted the cell phone pictures,
Go to sleep without thinking a bit about me,
Talk about me casually to people like I
pretty much don’t ******* exist,
And to top it all off,
You are probably the happiest you’ve ever been.
Like our relationship was nothing but handcuffs of burden
you were dying to break out of.
I guess my lies and stupid decisions were memory cards
large enough to completely erase all of our past data -
How is this so easy for you?
How is walking around campus easy for you?
How is going home alone easy for you?
How is cooking alone easy for you?
How is sleeping alone easy for you?
We have marked our forevers on every inch of this
25,000 populated resident.
I can’t go 3 feet without remembering a time where
we were here, and there, and EVERYWHERE.
How we held hands on every speck of the sidewalks,
How our favorite bus seat is now unoccupied,
And our short cuts that weren’t really short cuts,
just flatter ground to walk on because you were so
lazy to walk that way is now a ghost filled alley
of “I don’t give a ****”

What also ***** is I still do all of your habits.
Like put my sides of food on top of one another.
Or how I turn off the lights when I leave a room,
Or how I now buy that Gain powdery washing
stuff for my clothes
Or how I turn off the sink when I’m brushing my teeth,
AND how even though I am not lactose intolerant like you are,
I STILL BUY LACTAID MILK!
WHY?!
I DON’T ******* KNOW!

My mom always told me I will learn everything the hard way.
I guess I wasn’t meant to get my first real relationship
right the first time around.
Heartbreak.
I would rather wish for God to come take back his Saints
but leave me on earth’s dying wasteland
than this.
I feel like I am wasting my time saving myself for that
hint of what if called, faith
but then doubt comes along and says,
She’s gone.
She’s never coming back.
Ever.
Move. On.

It’s so hard for me.
What harder is that I know it’s easy for you.