I miss your kitchen window view
The effect I had on you
Your voice is lost in static waves
Erased by every day
I still watch the daisies you planted me
Every now and then I sit out side my window
After the rain I like to view the muddy soil
Your foot steps still echo through the walls  
I’m writing this as I paint your portrait

A lie is worse (even when the truth is awful)

The best people
Hate, love, laugh, cry, learn, experience

It’s the epitome of what it is to be human

The fights we had were quite abnormal
They were quiet
And quite home

I write you letters everyday
Burn them
watch them fade away
Ask you where you going
Ghosting by
Goodbye
Angle
Bye
See you tomorrow (I hope I never see you again)
I hope your happy
I’ll be okay
I’ll be okay
I’ll be okay
I’ll be okay

Thanks to you,
I made it
And I’m not sure if I’m ever gonna go back


- Alan

You still bring me flowers
Only to see them die
By all the smashed vases you bring along

I like gettin you mad
The same way I dab red lollipops onto my lips to make them warmer
I wonder if you notice my change of tone
I’m just trying to get you hyped
I just want your attention
Your selfish attention
Your worse than me

The sweet feeling of release
As we poured more lighter fluid.  
The more it would glaze into the thick air of spring.
We are young.
We are helpless to feeling powerful,
As the fire

As I slowly drift into the abyss of your love letters
I slowly drift out of reality
I can see roses in your eyes
It calls me
You want me
You call my name
To share a kiss
But know I give only you my bliss
It’s been pluperfect
You say to me
“Nests are hosts to birds, rocks to fish, eyes to handsome boys”
My dear beloved
Pluperfect

I want to cover myself with the sheets while I cry
But I can’t breath
I don’t know what I want more

Note to self:

Work on communication

It was night
You were walking alone
I should have walked with you
I should have told you
You were special
You were wasting my time
And I didn’t stop it on purpose
All because I’m so scared
I’m scared to hear “******”
I’m scared to be screamed at
I’m scared to be
I’m scared to be
I’m scared to be alone
Now you’re gone
You were never in my grasp
I can’t wait for a month
Should I tell you?
I’m horrified

your yet to realize
we all go through something similar
we can understand each other more than you think

Only if you want to believe, can you truly

Today I’ll be happy
Today I’ll be happy
Today I’ll be happy
Today I’ll be happy

As I’m hinged over the sink
I cry, and whisper
“Move on”



I don’t know how long it’ll take

I’ve never broken down like that before

My feet went numb
My head was made of stone
My eyes were waves
My voice was crackling like rocks
My hair was draping
The floor was my bed
Your words were my antagonist

I couldn’t breath

I couldn’t believe

I was breaking

You point to everyone including me
Saying in quotes
“I don’t need you, I don’t need you, I don’t need you!”
As you say your going to “******* leave”
A feel a sharp tear pass my face
First it was one
Then it turned to waves
I keep a stone face
I never knew I could be so strong
Without you

I’ve never felt so lonely
I’ve never felt more alive

It’s weird...
Now that I’m no longer in love with you, I have no reason to write poetry
I don’t feel the nerve anymore,
I was in a trance

I hope you get exactly what your waiting for
I do
And I know it’s not me

We don’t talk and that’s okay
Things can change in seven days
I know it was the age
My golden age

The fire is calming
It’s beauty
auora
pain
Without it
What would we be
Nothing more than
someone else  
And that’s the worst thing
To happen to us
We let it happen
Now look
There’s nothing else to say
We said it all
We’re nothing else but that

You really are just alike

I linger for that smooth touch on my cheeks
From you
But I’ve grown from this too much to learn that I don’t love you anymore
And that’s it

“Love hurts, the more you give.

(But that’s the thing, you need to give)

We must learn to understand the simple things
To really acknowledge the mesmerizing impact of everything that comes our way
Till then can you get a clear understanding that even the uneventful moments are equally to learn from

Watch,
As my crumbs collect back together.
Watch me,
As I change into the person I want to be.
Watch me,
As I do the things I love.
Watch me,
Grow into a better person.
Watch me,
Learn to accept love from others.
Watch me,
Learn to love myself.
Watch me,
Change not just my life but the world.
Watch me,
Dissolve into the soil.
Watch me.
Watch me.

You gave me your most true answer
And I didn’t care what it would have been
I would have been happy for you either way
No one said I couldn’t cry about it though
So I still cry about it

As I woke
I walked over to the pool
The lights rays bursting into my eyes
I don’t mind it

I grab a chair and take in the silence
Surveilling every detail
To the birds
The clouds
The movements of the water
Even me siting there all alone

As I come back to reality
I see that I wrote you a letter
“I’ve felt you leave me. Your presence.”
“So to my dearest Angle, I will start to move on.”

One day I’ll wisper this to a hole in the ground
And bury it
Planting a sunflower seed with it
I’ll watch it nourish and blossom
Both in the earth
And in me

In the end of the day
Somewhere in Arizona
The moment was just perfect
And framed like a picture
That now lays between papers and crayola markers
Waiting for me to one day look back
Smile
Laugh
Cry
And wish to be back

(Though I’ll never really know and understand why)

It’s my decision to be happy at the end of the day
Not yours

I’ll leave you saddened with the idea
“I can stand myself being alone”
Maybe for a little longer
I just want to find out if you’ll try to stop me

I went to go withdraw today from school
As I left and headed to my car
I heard a “hey Oliver”
I knew it was you, the masculine tone of your voice when you held me when I cried in your arms
I just held a peace sign and left
For the first time I heard you speak and my heart didn’t ache
Now I truly know, I’m free


(I’m leaving this suburban town, never coming back)

I hope I don't turn out like any of them

“I hope to never come back.
May death bring me peace
And love, oh love come...
Love come”

“ I feel I can do it”
Is much more stronger than
“I think I can do it”
But knowing is much more harder to obtain, it’s the best out of them all

I’ve always been told to be a poster child
Now that I’ve become somewhat of it
I know the effects it has on a person
I’m now feeling the need to revel against the night streets
And no longer wait for it

It’s the complete opposite
And I’ll follow it

That’s the need
I tell myself to have and to be

I subclude myself from all
When I think to myself
I get lost in the moment of reverie
It might sound lonely and it might feel as if that
But that’s all I’ve ever really known
And I’ve come to call it home
The effect raised me well

I’ve know your beauty ever since day one
I’m captivated to be just like you
The part of you that I long to rule over every persona
You don’t try to be good, you are good
I’ll remember this till the day I die
As we speak of this while on the shore
we see the woman watering her dandelions on the hill side
We wait patiently for the sun to come and to end
Never viewing ourselves, but viewing the world surrounding us

You are the dread of  waking up in a lonely bed
In the morning
As you start to wake, you will be reminded of her
I will force myself out of bed, reminding myself of you
While your shuffling with your lighter
I’ll be swifting my bitter coffee
You will never fully leave me because,
You never fully stayed
As you look up to the sky
You won’t feel a thing
As I look up to the sky I will feel the pleasure of being alone
When you walk alone on the street
I will be wanting to run wild through it (listening to lorde)
When my hair gets blown by the wind
I will embrace it
You will just try to fix it later

In the end
All I wanted was a hug from Angle


In the end
All I needed was a hug

8:58 pm
As I look up to the sky
In this endless void of something
I find nothing
And as the wind rages on
I see the clouds moving to reveal stars
I fee everything being pushed by this force
Even my love for you
I see it now
There’s always gonna be something than nothing
And when you feel it
It just keeps on coming
Like stars
Oh the stars

I’ve fallen more in love with your love letters than yourself
Your emotions so captivating and exotic to me
I wish it was meant for me
But I can relate and imagine there is somebody writing me these things

A hug from you after you say “sorry”
Is like a gift
But I need more than a simple gift right now

If you don’t try
You’ll be told to try harder
But if you try too hard
You’ll be discriminated for “selfish ulterior motives”

I can’t stand the pain of waiting for you to text me back
I said to you “it’s better just to forget this all happened”
It’s a new year and I swore I’d stop doing these things
...
Waiting for you hurts me