Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
hi
Leigh May 2018
hi
hi
yes you
as you see i am not right but I am strong
with every bone in my body broken out of fear and hate and panic.
it makes me stronger
slowly
maybe if you cared or sat down to know how I feel you would start to under stand the pain and fear and panic I live in on a day to day bases
it's hard to understand for a neurological typical
which I am not
we all have our struggles but I'll struggle more
it will take you a bat of your eyelashes coated in mascara to go to collage.
I will have to fight to work meany hours
sleep deprived, belated, tainted to your eyes
nothing more than a sleepless blurb that you will step over and scowl at to try to make fun of
my family
my life
hard work
school
me just living
all wile I carry my beautiful baby sister and guide her through the ways of the world and show her how messed up your creeds are but how beautiful it all could be
that I and all the rest of us have to fight for our education  
a good job
our family's and friends
the ones we love
our children
this world is a real ****** up place where demons and angels live hand in hand
but some how the demons control the world while most of the angels sit in silence with frowns on there face scared if they stand up our word will become desisted
a war zone but
I get stronger and we all do
so please be smart
and
kind
polite
ask question instead of judge
and remember everyone faces there own battles and you may not know the extent just ask how can I help
this is just about my life right know
Leigh Jul 2018
how do you tell the ones you love
that you don't want to exist any more
but you don't want to die
like you would be okay with just poofing out of existence
but you will not try to end your own life
you start to give up
because the absence of feeling
is to much
I use to cry for hours
now it comes in waves
i'll cry for two minutes
and lack all emotions for hours
and then night falls
I can't sleep
but I feel anxious
so anxious
I start to shake
and panic
every night
same time
my nightly panic attack
and I'm sick of it I want emotions back
just a hard time and i don't know what to do
Leigh Oct 2018
I feel lost
and I don't know what to do
or where to go
how to feel
this was something from awhile ago
Leigh Oct 2018
I hide my scars from the world
because its embarrassing
for the world to see the dark parts
the times it got so bad that I started to slash
and attack myself
because it made me feel
something
I'm not proud of it
but it was a coping mechanism for me
and sometimes I relapse
and I do it again
and feel the guilt
but I feel
sometimes
these scars
make it hard for me to
interact with people
do therapy honestly
swim
show skin
feel love from others
and feel love from myself
but they show my journey
but my journey scares people
I just have cuts and slashes
and they will stay with me
It feels like I'm in a forever relapse
I felt guilty so I wrote a poem
Leigh Aug 2018
I know I shouldn't but I do
People don't want me to but I do
It hurts me
It hurts them to
I feel pointless and bad
I relapse and relapse and ******* relapse
They tell me self care
I do
It doesn't help
Nothing dose
They talk and consider
About what to do with the ****** up girl crying in the corner
They yell at me
Scream at me
To feel happy
To get better
But it feels like I won't ever
Ever get well
Just ahhhhh a long day and I miss being well
Leigh Mar 2019
I miss them and there beautiful self
I miss the notes
I miss the hugs
I miss the light kisses
I miss the conversation
I miss us
I just don't know if you miss me
my first relationship taught me alt of things and I wish we could be together again but IDK if you want me still
Leigh Jul 2018
I miss this one human
they know who they are
they mean the world to me
they have a beautiful smile
amazing hair
and personality that any one would be blessed to have
this person is kind
understanding
and makes me feel safe
some times the world makes us work for or love  
thank you for working with me against the world
and letting me continue to love you
I love you and happy birthday
Leigh Nov 2019
I miss you every day
You were my first
And you were right for me
You gave me so much love
And I miss it every **** day
My situation was bad
And I tried so hard
And then I broke
I got hurt so I pushed you
as far away as possible
Because I didn't want to hurt you more
And I didn't want to get hurt
And I was dealing with so much loss
I didn't realize how much you meant to me
But you grounded me
You helped me so much and saved my life
You were one of the only ones who cared
But by the time I realized it it was to late
But god you are the one person
who makes me so happy
I do want to talk
Even if that's all we can do right now
You are my human
We need to talk about what actually happened I went through hell and I need to tell you
You are the sweetest most awesome person I have ever known
Leigh Nov 2019
I want you to like me
I don't know if it's me of if it's that I want to be dating your daughter
I want to be perfect
To never stumble
but I will
I want them to know
I want the best for her too
I want her to smile
And if that means I'm not there
I get it
But I'm not bad I got better
I'm not the same person I was
I've changed
If I could only show you
I'm different
To my friends parents who don't want us to date
Leigh Nov 2018
I'm mentally sick
not physically ill
when you have the flu you get to stay home
but when your mental health is
shaking
cutting
crying
it is seen as weak
or broken
so what I want to tell people is
I'm sick
I don't feel well
and they start to morph together
mentally and physically ill
I said I was sick and it cussed family drama and has made my mental health degrade a little bit more
Leigh May 2018
one day people will understand that a smile dos'not define happiness
one day people will know that asking questions is rude to do
one day people will stop starring and whispering
one day it will be okay for every one to be themselves
just a long day
Leigh Aug 2019
they say be original
to be you
to not change or stray from the light within
but god that is **** hard
like I want to be a great person
one that I like
but what dose "be me" even mean
I get that we are all born original
and we don't want to die being a copy
but what if I want to copy the great people out there
be kind
be smart
how would I learn if I didn't copy little things every day
from the hair styles to the single smile  
I want to be like a collage
some one who builds myself
take something out of everything
maybe we need to stop trying to be original and impress
start trying to look at others and
admire the great things that already exist
this is just something I'm thinking about going into high school and every one keeps telling me its fine if I'm just myself but myself is a slacker with manic depression so I'm thinking about it in a different way
Leigh Jun 2018
people don't understand what I mean when I say i'm depressed
to you it means i'm broken and contagious, messed up to a point of no return  
to me i'm working through a hard time in my life but i'm getting better
#get help
Leigh Nov 2018
i have a project and it needs to be done
but instead i'm depressed and anxious
and instead I shake
and i scare myself i shake so violently
because of noises
and feeling
and senses
i just get a sensory over load
this is something I wrote awhile ago and never did the project
Leigh Mar 2020
I've chewed my fingernails
I've watched every series
I've thrown out every hope of going back to school
I've chewed my fingernails
I've tried baking
I've tried walking
I've tried watching movies I only get half way through
I've tried not thinking about how many days we have left
I've chewed my fingernails
I've tried sleep but I sleep to much and thats not healthy
I've tried it feels like everything
I've chewed my fingernails until they bled and are ugly
I've tried accepting this whole thing but I feel stuck
quarantine *****
Leigh May 2018
I sit in the rain
just letting it pour down your face
distinguishing between the tears and the rain would be impossible
except for my mascara that runs down my face like a river
the tears turns black and streams down my face
crying about everything and anything
I feel like I've fallen apart
drowning in the rain
drowning
but with every breath I give to the world
one is taken from me
but I wipe my face
I stand up
and I go back inside
back to my life
its raining
Leigh Jun 2018
I shake and I quiver and don't know why
I am oppressed and messed up broken
from the inside
they told me I'm fine and that it gets better
it always doses
it has to
we have to accept those things that make us different
the things that set us apart
the things that brake us
I shake and I quiver and do know why
its because I'm different
and that's okay
I will shake and I will quiver
and it sometimes it makes me cry
I have been shaking for 6 hours
Leigh Oct 2018
I shake and people worry
I pretend I'm normal and okay
but inside I'm dead  
and while I have my normal mask on
they treat me like I am a person
not some depressed, psychopath
when I am normal to them
they hug me and this feels like ants
they touch my shoulder i shutter
it all fuels my anxiety
my leg begins to shake
my mind begins to race
I hear every noise in the crowed
it fuels it from
the sniffle to
the bobby pin that fell out of her hair
the world is so loud  
the words in the world come to me so negatively
maybes gives me no hope  
when people tell me I'm alright
**** when I tell myself I'm okay and I'm not
laughter makes me want to give up  on every thing
its the one thing I would give the world to do again
is real laughter
a smile that is not fake
because I know that I'm broken
when people think I'm normal it scares me
and i don't know how normal people do it
I don't know how to feel but I feel bad
Leigh Nov 2018
I feel at peace
I feel warm
even in snow
or rain
nature is little bits of bliss
and peaceful noise
like rain on a lake
wind in trees
this is the first time in a while
that I have felt peace
to one song called "only ghosts" and It's my new favorite song
Leigh Oct 2018
I wish you were here
so I could hold you close
I wish I could hug you when my soul is crying out for someone
and that I could be there for you if you are to ever need me
I wish that soon one of us could get a car so we could have a magical day
and many more that follow
I wish I could see you and your smile each and every morning
and that I could wake up and see you next to me through the change of the seasons
I wish that in the mornings I could greet you with the cup of the perfect temperature tea or coffee
and the occasional breakfast in bed
I wish that every night after collage we could make dinner together
and talk about how are days are and what funny thing the birds did
I wish that we could travel the world together
and make beautiful adventures together
I wish that one day I could call you mine
even though commitment can sometimes be scary
it would be scary up in till the point where my brain would realize that it would be with you and how happy that would make me  
but for right now we are on earth together
as love hungry teens
fighting to stay alive and do school  
and be the perfect person
hoping that one day our wishes would come true
for them and the wonders that they work in my life
You
Leigh Jul 2019
You
I've kept every letter
Every poem
Your special I want you to know
No matter what you go through
you are so strong
Strong and amazing
I made a mistake
pushing you away
You saved my life
In the most litteral of of terms
I've been blade to skin
was taking my final thoughts
I imagined me hurting you by leaving
And I stopped
And cried
About how sad I would be if you left
My moon and stars would fade
Because I loved every spec of your being
And I wanted to be yours
And I ****** it up
You did nothing wrong
my sick brain got so turned around
I pushed you away I
just want for you to be
Fulfilled by your own life
And not self injure
And not die
I want you here
Even if here is with someone else
I would take you back if that's what you wanted

— The End —