I come back to this website after two years, I have found myself now. I used to be such a bad person waving confederate flags and saying slurs. Now I have found out that I myself am not a straight Christian girl.  I won’t be editing my old poems but if you are confused I no go by he/it prounous I’m a non-binary male and I’m pansexual hope this doesn’t change anything to the few people who saw my poems

It’s seen me before a presentation fear In my eyes
It’s seen me pulling at my fat, wondering why I still have thunder thighs

It’s seen my scars on my body from where I self hate
It’s seen me debating my fate

It’s seen me rehearsing my smile for that blasted picture day
It’s seen me hide the shake in my voice as I lie that I’m okay

My reflection has seen everything and still stuck around
But you’ve only seen a partial, and you’re no where to be found...

Somewhere over the rainbow;
They say blue birds fly.
But, they don’t
They just die,
Just like us.
They realize life ******
Sorry kid, you’re ******

I’m the kind of sick
A hospital can’t fix
Even if the nurses try
I’ll never learn to fly

I’m a bird without its wings
When I remember this predicament, it stings
I want to learn to fly, to soar
But my wings don’t work anymore

I try to get out of bed
Trying to get regularly fed
But I rather dream of other places
Meeting all the new faces

I rather lay with all my comforting pillows
Stay inside, away from the outside willows
I rather sit in my own tears, soon to drown
My lips seem to form a permanent frown

Because what’s the use of a bird who can’t seem to fly
It’s the equivalent of a human who wishes to die...

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2019

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The birds woke me up
With the singing of their voices
Such a lovely little song
But my head fills with choices
the birds sing and make a new song
As I sit in my bed wishing to die
But somehow I still listen along
trying not to cry
Because I’ve learned the birds are not singing
The lovely noises are their crying
We have so much in common
Just like me, they wish to be dying

Fight
fists
Sweating
Blood
Fight
Yelling
Screaming
Punching
Kicking
Fight
This is what we think of when we say fight,
But what about the fight that we don’t say
The fight that goes on every day
The fight that make us want to cry
The fight that can make you die
The fight that we forget about
The one that fills us with doubt
The one that makes us want to scream
The one that excludes us from the team
That is the fight
And it takes all our might
Just to get through the day
And when someone asks how we are we manage to say “ok”
Even if we aren’t “good”
And this is why we pull up our hoods
Blast music in our ears
Filling our souls with fears
This my friends
Is the fight